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This motherfucker made my poor idiot prince scream at the top of his lungs the other day and when I tried to soothe Dorito and be nice to it (naming it Raimi for now because it lurks around like the Evil Dead camera in the woods), he fucking SWUNG at us. I had to shift into "get the fuck off my property and never talk to my son again" dad mode right quick.
And today at approx. 5:37 in the morning after a hell week, the little shithead made his second appearance. I just want to sleep.
18h ago
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He kept pointing at me and calling me โstinky fart boyโ
May 10, 2025
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Last night I was kept awake at 1:30am by an incessant scratching and biting sound coming from my ceiling. At first I thought it might be pounding rain, but it was gnawing in one spot for too long. I then noticed a bright orange light start flickering within my fire alarm. I located the sound, and considered running for the broom to knock on the ceiling and scare it away, instead deciding to let it do whatever. I half expected a possum to fly down onto my belly. Maybe a top secret spy possum who would carve a perfect circle into the ceiling and rappel into my bedroom. Anyway, it sounded huge. I have opted for telling nobody anything (my roommates, landlord) and keeping the creature my own secret.
Apr 9, 2025
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On my drive home today I saw a little girl chasing a goose and throwing rocks at it (True psychopath behaviour). So I rolled down the car window and yelled at her in a dad voice to STOP. Was it too much? Maybe. Do I regret it? No.
May 8, 2024
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Nov 22, 2024
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Permanently infiltrated my vocabulary I can't stop saying it
Dec 3, 2024
Oct 25, 2024