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hi!
this feels like a place in which i can share my feelings lol. and i've been thinking about the post i made about being in love for the first time and the rumors that flew around lol. so idk if i can even call this an update, but i guess here it is! things are alright! the feelings still feels intense in my body, making me dissociate with who i really am. is that too strange? i feel like i'm not myself, but at the same time, i've never been more like myself. and i've also been thinking about friendship a lot. being in love brings heavy and intense emotions i've never felt before, but i also want to highlight that i think friendship is such a beautiful thing. i don't know if the feelings are equal in the friendship (in terms of love). and, as disappointing as it might be, i think i need to prioritize friendship above my (really confusing) feelings of what i think i can call being in love. it's sad and slightly depressing. but friendship is such a beautiful thing. there's so much pretty and shiny things i can learn from it. the thing is, i'm starting to think that when your in love, it blanks all the other feelings. it's like the shiny and beautiful things i see in friendship start to mix with all of the things that make me feel in love. how can i separate them? how can i apreciate friendship when i know that somewhere in another reality maybe that's not it? all of this is very nonsensecical i know!!! but it's just how i feel, i think.
2d ago
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your feelings are very valid! Are you "in love" with a friend? friendship is very important but in my opinion if a relationship is built on a previous exisiting friendship it makes things easier. if you think the other person is feeling the same way i think its worth it!
2d ago
@ARIASCALLING kinda (?) i’ve never been in love before lolll but we are friends!!!! things feel kinda hard sometimes bc i can’t really read people so by the time being i think i’m just going to go with the flow of things!! the thing is, im scared suppressing my feelings will only make them sharper lol
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just here to say i found love, and it’s such a beautiful thing. she makes me feel like someone worthy of affection and respect. she sees me as talented and she is, god, so caring, so smart, so ambitious. but even in all that beauty, i feel lost. like i’m a pleasing project, a canvas for physical and emotional pleasure, shaped by a version of myself i’ve carefully constructed. and while i’ve been trying to convince myself i’m just overthinking, part of me is stuck in the quiet truth: the person i present might not really exist. maybe they’re somewhere in the future. maybe they’re a past self i forgot. or maybe they never existed at all. and in that dissonance, i feel like a failure pretending not to be failing, and in doing so, stalling my own growth.
lately, my social life is great but i’ve lost my sense of self. not because of my girlfriend, but because i’ve stopped pouring energy into the things that used to affirm me. and it’s weird because that change feels healthy, like i’m no longer depending on performance or productivity to feel valuable. but it’s also made me less reliable on myself in situations that matter
Apr 8, 2025
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A little personal, but being non-binary, I grew up very dissociated from my body and my time, so I don’t remember a good chunk of my formative years and have retained none of my hobbies. Recently tho, I have been trying to piece myself back together, so I have been spending a lot of time on my own. Another thing about me is that I have crushes everywhere I go, so I spend a lot of time loving others. After breaking-up with an ex that made me feel very neglected qnd unappreciated, I decided that I was going to give myself as much love and attention as I give my crushes and lovers. This has changed me.
I just let myself feel my feelings and get carried away by them. I get myself little treats and flowers, I get myself little treats and gifts. I organize little fun dates/plans for myself where I engage in new hobbies. Small manageable things that don’t feel too overwhelming to learn, like decorating Altoids tins with collage or journaling. By letting myself navigate the world through my feelings, I’ve discovered what I like, dislike, and developed little rituals and habits that I can then tell other about and share.
Social media has helped me that way, surprisingly. I treat my instagram like a scrap book and use it to document my feelings with shitposts and photos; the visual story telling makes me appreciate the little things. Pinterest allows me to collect things I like and develop a taste with no effort and no consequences, and I end up with huge pin boards full of pictures and art I love and that make me feel particular things I can name and explore. This app has been good for that too.
It takes time, love, self-compassion, and trust. Trust that the love others give you is legitimate. Trust that you are liked for a genuine reason. Trust that the mundane is magical by itself, love it for that. Trust that you don’t need to be special to be worthy of love, you can just be a person and that’s really cool <3
Mar 11, 2024
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I just don't think all friends are forever. I used to think every friend was worth investing in and fighting for to keep around for as long as possible, but it's becoming clear to me that it isn't always the case. Sometimes life situations change, or personalities change, or even the things you had in common with someone changes, and suddenly it's not the same. And that's okay. Other times it's the realization of self-growth and improvement that shifts you from friendships. I had one friend that I used to love to...well, gossip with. And at some point that desire to gossip dissipated from my life (for obvious reasons) and that friendship didn't seem that attractive anymore since it wasn't what I wanted to do. I remember when we felt the drift happen, it was so awkward for a bit but I genuinely feel like whenever we connected it would just become...toxic. And it wasn't like they made me worse; we both made each other worse. The idea of 'I have to leave them, they are bringing me down' is BS - it's a two way street buddy. They made me want to gossip / I made them want to gossip. You have to own your part in it. IDK! I just think at 30, there are people I though I'd be close to today that I am not close to at all and although I might miss them, I fully understand that I'm better and healthier and more sane because of that distance. IDK. I'm caffeinated rn. And in my feels. And Bon Iver isn't making it better!!!
Sep 25, 2024
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i’ve never been in love before. liking boys feels sooo strange. i knew it left me in this deep misunderstanding of what love should feel like. now that i think (think!!) i’m falling in love, there’s all these other questions in my head. and i’ve been a fan of coming-of-age films and books for forever, because to me, i think i was trying to fill that void in my soul of wanting to be loved. now, things are all around, rumors were spread, and i just want him and i to be okay, as friends. first, i think comes the friendship. maybe it will turn into love. in my head, i think i hope deeply, but for now… friendship.
4d ago
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i've been thinking about it a lot. i've seen a video online saying "some people aren't wild and fluorescent, and that's okay." it's crazy how a song can describe the feeling of love so much. to me, love feels like something is glowing in my chest, and i'm waiting for it to just consume me completly. idk i think this is the most nonsensical post ever, but i think it's just how i feel!!
3d ago