For whatever reasons the various psychiatrists that have treated me will give, I was a reclusive child, especially when it came to my emotions. I kept parts of myself hidden from certain people, always a different kid to everyone I met. I kept this up through my adulthood and now I'm realizing how much it's barring me from experiencing my relationships deeply. I protect parts of myself, uncomfortable with their coming out in situations I'd typically hide them in. I am too good at code switching and it gets confusing figuring out when I am being truly myself around friends and family. I am trying to learn where I can crack little holes into the walls I have carved around the many parts of myself; learn to make them all coexist a bit better so I can let myself be loved wholly, not only in parts.
