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My friend, who is a painter, asked me how I would like to be painted. He's doing portraits of all his closest friends and out of curiosity he asked me if I ever imagined what my portrait would look like. I told him I didn't know, because I honestly didn't. But I started thinking about it immediately. I told him that I wouldn't want my face to be seen fully because I feel like I hide behind my face/appearance. And that I see a lot of red. He told me that his vision of me is completely different. He said that he sees a velvet green background (green is my favorite color btw) and a lotta wispy lines, kind of like smoke from incense. He said he sees my whole face. "No hiding," in his words. He kept on telling me things that completely clash with how I see myself. Through his eyes I am so beautiful and it breaks my heart how I can't fully relate to it. My friends teach me love everyday. The more love I feel, give and receive, I mourn all the time I spent in the dark.
Anywaaaaay, I feel like this song/performance really fits the vibe? I opened it immediately after that conversation and I started bawling even harder lol. Rachel Chinouriri truly holds my heart when I feel weak. She's probably the reason I feel weak in the first place cuz honestly she does something to me every time I listen to her.
May 22, 2025
Related Recs
I think I've bawled my eyes out to every track at this point for different reasons. not even exaggerating. once you think you're done with it you get hit with a brand new emotion and find new symbolism in the lyrics. and another painful feeling to unfurl and free yourself from. if I could get everyone to listen to an album this would be my pick
Apr 16, 2025
even the video is sad. But then again it's also one of my favourite songs and I think it's super uplifting. So I cry to it sometimes.
Mar 9, 2024
Her music is the autumn breeze stinging your eyes while you cry. Her music is chain smoking in a graveyard. Her music is raw tenderness and the fog of depression fighting a war over your heart. Her music is hanging out in the cold parking lot of an adandoned strip mall with the other weirdos. Her music is finding beauty in the darkness.
I discovered her music at a huge turning point in my life last year. I hope you enjoy 🖤🖤
Aug 26, 2024
Top Recs from @FreeloaderHassu
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It's so crazy of me to even consider this as I haven't worked a single paying job in a year. I had a breakdown of sorts which led to me quitting school and stopping work. My parents were super supportive but perhaps not anymore. I want to move out now and have my own space. I don't want to wait for my life to "get in line" for me to try stuff and do things. Like moving out! But everything is so expensive in Addis and I would need at least about 5 months worth of monthly salaries to even consider moving out.
Apr 23, 2025
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I saw a series on tt that goes "Things that make me want to be healthy that have nothing to do with men or wanting to be beautiful". It's one of the most relevant and beautiful things the algorithm has blessed me with recently. I've been thinking about starting a light weight loss fitness journey but I couldn't find it in me to go through with it because a) working out sucks, and b) I don't even know WHY I want to do it. I don't want to feed old attitudes and mentalities that motivated me to be "healthier" in a way when I was younger but absolutely butchered my relationship with my body. *Shrugging girl emoji
Apr 23, 2025
Mine would have to be a film called Byzantium (Soairse Ronan any day and every day). It's not the most vampire-ey movie out there but I love how intricate and delicate the characters are. It was my first time seeing a vampire movie like that.
I've compiled a Letterboxd list of my 10 favourite vampire movies (that I've seen). Check the link :) and share yours!
May 22, 2025