it is never what I expect
i don't mean to be ungrateful
i want to be thankful
i end up confused and i fear that my circumstances will hurt the people around me, so it feels like i have to avoid them. even though i am capable of being loved, what about being loved the way i crave? and yet, I get that too and it feels hauntingly incorrect. sorry if i don't deserve what I am being given, I don't know what is wrong with me!