Ran a sociology discussion group in college and made it fun/open-ended but still grounded in theory. Had group discussions about furries, trad-wives, divorce, surveillance, etc. It was a huge part of my journey towards embracing earnestness.... Turns out people really want to get serious about "unserious" things. The people crave dialectical thinking.... I met so many cool people and would love to find a way to do something like this outside of college! A safe space for people to be curious, pretentious, silly, wrong, right.... really important
May 16, 2025
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I don’t mean with absolute randoms, nor do I mean with some of your distant old friends from the past. I mean this very sweet spot like the ones I get thrown into. The one’s with a perpetually rotating cast of 25-30 socially adjacent mid-twenty year olds coming together for advice, memes, inside jokes and party invites. About a year ago Perfectly-Imperfect alum Dagsen would just add me in these insane chats with 19 other random numbers and everyone would just frantically share fashion week party information. but over the course of the last 12 months I’ve seen the staying power and camaraderie within these chats. I suggest if you live in a metropolitan city try and make one of these happen.
Apr 24, 2023
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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I love hearing people talk about their lives and what they are figuring out. I live in the South now, and I already talk way too much in spirals even for the East Coast, so I have to drop a real anchor or else I may miss some important things that people slowly give away as they talk here.
In moving to a new place or having fewer friends I get really overwhelmed without noticing it when my head and all my thoughts are the only strings of questioning that go past pleasantries and small talk. This is the main danger I believe of going somewhere where you only really know yourself well, and most others are the upmost form of stranger. I never really need to unload my thoughts as much as I'd just like to hear about the inside life of someone else, thats company. Going to NA/AA meetings is one of the best ways to spend time listening to others, I also go to a Buddhist meditation group and Church where I can listen and sit next to people, and the best part is you can never be part of the pass/fail system of a relationship with these groups! A very literal "meeting," you show up, listen, and get to know someone for a moment, but you never have to answer anyone! You just be with people, and after you fold up the chairs and go on! I think that listening with nothing before or after is awesome.
Mar 7, 2025
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Everyone is boring and uncool these days cuz they’ve sacrificed their Swag for Beauty
Real swag comes at the cost of some beauty. you know?
And that’s ultimately where real beauty is anyways
May 13, 2025
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Guyssse please don’t cancel me for this. That would be my 9/11
Apr 2, 2025
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And if they are then Tbh. That’s their business not mine
Mar 29, 2025