🗯️
I don’t mean with absolute randoms, nor do I mean with some of your distant old friends from the past. I mean this very sweet spot like the ones I get thrown into. The one’s with a perpetually rotating cast of 25-30 socially adjacent mid-twenty year olds coming together for advice, memes, inside jokes and party invites. About a year ago Perfectly-Imperfect alum Dagsen would just add me in these insane chats with 19 other random numbers and everyone would just frantically share fashion week party information. but over the course of the last 12 months I’ve seen the staying power and camaraderie within these chats. I suggest if you live in a metropolitan city try and make one of these happen.
Apr 24, 2023
Related Recs
🫠
Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
👯
I’ve met friends through a book club, a mutual aid group, a film discussion class, improv classes (silly but made lifelong friends!), queer craft meetups…but honestly I had the most luck with BumbleBFF & other apps bc it eliminates the awkward part of not being sure if the people at the event wanna hang out outside of it or not.
Jul 23, 2024
🧠
Ran a sociology discussion group in college and made it fun/open-ended but still grounded in theory. Had group discussions about furries, trad-wives, divorce, surveillance, etc. It was a huge part of my journey towards embracing earnestness.... Turns out people really want to get serious about "unserious" things. The people crave dialectical thinking.... I met so many cool people and would love to find a way to do something like this outside of college! A safe space for people to be curious, pretentious, silly, wrong, right.... really important
May 16, 2025
Top Recs from @zack-bia
🧡
As I get older I get more self aware. I try to understand what I really like and what to make time for. If there’s something you loved and then strayed away from because you made new friends or moved to a new place, find time to pick whatever that is back up. Go dust off the old guitar and look up youtube tutorials and get back into it. Btw this actually leads me into my next rec…
Apr 24, 2023
🤑
I am not saying over pay like getting ripped off. I am saying overspend like actually just buy the items you want, buy that couch ( and not the knockoff) but the one you actually wanted. You work hard, you should reward yourself and having nice things is fun. Tracking a record player down or a specific chair and then finally acquiring it and putting it in your house is part of making your house a home.
Apr 24, 2023
👉
Ask for that favor, put that song out, make that connection, ask that girl out. Nobody will pat you on the bat and give you the green light to start a new business journey, you gotta just jump off and into whatever you want to do or build and figure it out along the way. As it progresses you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much you have built and it will all feel real because you made it happen instead of just thinking about it .
Apr 24, 2023