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You Aren’t Alone — we all are

From the Atlantic: ”There is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history when people have spent more time on their own.” I don’t know anything about you—how funny is that? I couldn’t even begin to guess what your life looks like. I couldn’t spot you in a crowd. If I were a friend, I’m sure I could give better advice. Perhaps suggest joining a local group  I know of, or a class at the gym that always puts me in a good mood. Perhaps introduce you to someone I’ve always thought you’d get along with.  The beautiful thing about the internet is that you can ask this question to the void and the void speaks back. It’s so much easier this way, but so much worse.  Geography, family, shared interests, shared labor. Community used to be inescapable. We still depend on each other for everything, but we do it all at a distance. I’ll chat for an hour with a friend across the country, but I know nothing about the people across the street. It’s a selling point if the grocer can name the farmer who grew your food. I could have been writing this to send to a distant family member, who I want to reconnect with, or an old friend—instead I’m writing to you, a stranger. It’s easier. Our community ties have been broken.  So: what do you, an individual, do? You may find more success if you develop individual friendships tied to a place—several articles about the loneliness epidemic talk about the gym—or a group that meets regularly. Apparently, the best way to beak down peoples’ walls is just to see them constantly. This is true for new friends and for deepening relationships. For those friends and acquaintances you’d like to be closer to, keep inviting them to shit. Set your boundaries, but keep trying. The thing about people is that everybody is interesting and confusing and stupid and wise and mean and wonderful—but it’s safer to spill all that on the internet, where no one can spot you in a crowd. Let people know that you’re around and interested no matter what, and see what happens. It will take a long time, but it’ll be worth it. Not just for you, but for them. For everyone, if we all put the effort in.  I’m sorry—it shouldn’t be this way. But we have to try. We’re all counting on each other <3

@bluz

Apr 23, 2024

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You know it’s kind of hard

I left all social media for something like five years and only posted on a small insular abandoned app during that time and that was the main way I communicated with people. After feeling repeatedly hurt and misunderstood and wondering why it was so hard to build earnest connections through this medium I decided to leave. I realized that constantly narrativizing my life with no filter gave me no space to process or examine and kept me trapped in deeply baked-in stories in my head. Anyway I’ve maintained contact with a small handful of my closest friends and it has honestly been somewhat difficult keeping in touch to the same degree as I did before about everyone’s day to day lives. I think the hardest part is being the odd one out so you’re missing out on the tidbits they share in this one centralized place for the purpose of economy and time and that’s something you kind of just have to accept. There’s a certain level of meticulous detail that may be lost to you and I think interactions become more of a broad big-picture thing; not being so bogged down in the mundanity allows you to engage with more distance and perspective which can lead to greater depth and emotional honesty. And then it’s funny because the communication you’re engaging in becomes so direct that rather than everything being so uniform and kind of tossed out there, everything has to be very intentional and personal. You have to choose to reach out, again and again; you also have to choose when to give people space. You have to be very conscious of the balance between giving and taking because everything isn’t just being offered all at once indirectly on both sides—and this balance won’t always be perfect and sometimes you might not handle it in the most perfect way. I decided at the beginning of the year that intentionality would be my main theme and I’m still working on it. So I don’t really have the answers but engaging with friends off of social media shapes everything in new and interesting ways and those are some thoughts I’ve had as I begin to navigate this…

@taterhole

Feb 24, 2025

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Not feeling guilt about drifting apart

I’ve had sprinkles of acquaintances and light friendships with people over the years that I sometimes feel bad about losing touch with. But sometimes it’s nearly impossible to keep in touch with everyone and still have time to care for yourself and your core people. I’ve tried to stop apologizing for that and just try to let people know I appreciate them from afar. I feel like the older I get the more intentional I have to be with my time and the more healthy boundaries I need to keep. It may disappoint some, but true friends get it, and there will always be an ebb and a flow as life changes. I also feel like social media has wired us to be so hyper-connected all the time and it’s stressful to live up to the expectation of staying in constant communication with everyone you’ve met and liked. Growing up is realizing you can like and enjoy the company of many people and you may not have the time or energy to extend to everyone you want. (And actually it’s also okay not to want to!) Not everything and every connection can stay the same and I need to constantly remind myself of that. I deserve to make space and time for myself so I can love my people better.

@linfo

Mar 4, 2025

Top Recs from @chronicwebuser

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GETTING RID OF THE STAR COUNT

@TYLER please let us be free from the commodification of the data generated from our social, whimsical, and sincere, free expression the sincerity of this app is because it’s different from those other apps :/ why do we need metrics on how we socialize? 🫩🫩🫩🫩😮‍💨😮‍💨 i’m curious as much as i am sad about the decision to make the star count visible. is that what its proper name is? or are we calling it likes? 👀

@chronicwebuser

Apr 23, 2025

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BEING PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

to me being perfectly imperfect means sincerely expressing the full range of human emotions in community with all y’all the positive and negative and every emotion in-between living is messy, thanks for witnessing my mess

@chronicwebuser

May 17, 2025

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not yearning

i've been seeing piffies posting about, and I myself, have experienced The Yearn. i've sat with my feelings about relationships through many seasons. i was with someone for 10 yrs, we got engaged, i broke it off. although he was an incredible person, he was not my soulmate. i've had a few relationships since then and have felt The Yearn. after being dumped this weekend i have some thoughts to ask myself when looking at dating / The Yearn. 1 -- are you seeking connection or attention? 2 -- is your relationship an excuse for you to not work on other parts of yourself you know you need to take time to face? 3 -- how are your friendships? do you have people behind you that will see you through any season? keep those people around FOREVER. maybe marry them instead.... lmao 😳 4 -- have you dated yourself? was it full of joy and love? 5 -- can you (within reason - we can NOT exist and heal with out each other) meet your own needs and care for yourself? 6 -- how honest are you with yourself? you'll only ever be able to be that honest with other people, no matter the relationship. 7 -- are you just trying to follow a story arc that you *think* you *should* follow? see link: relationship escalator my goals right now are to build up a family of people that will be with me forever! it's not a ton of people but it's enough! if i find a "soulmate" or "love of my life" along the way then like... nice 😃👍 but like that's not my GOAL. if you are young and reading this, i wish i knew in my 20s (am 31) what i am writing in this post. i g2g tho ~ ily, be well!

@chronicwebuser

Mar 17, 2025