I notice everyone is telling you to be more solitary. Which can be helpful but if you're like me too much solitude can make you feel like an alienated meatsuit husk of a person. I really think we build self-knowledge through our reflection in others (#symbolicinteractionism), and through the things we fight to achieve. I'm not sure what this would mean in daily practice but I know I have felt the most at peace with myself when I have been in sink or swim situations and nurturing relationships with a wider range of people. Therefore I am really excited to move to a new city and begin the process again. Maybe jump off the metaphorical deep end? Join a new organization? Stay busy? Work towards a physical goal of some kind?
May 11, 2025
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Even if something comes into my mind as a flying thought I act upon it. The other day I went to a rifle range because I wanted to know how to shoot a gun (idk man just in case). I drove like an hour and a half to the club, bandwagoned some friends as well.
I don't think it's just about what's available—it's also about seeking it actively. If you wanna do pottery you find a pottery place, or find something similar, or D.I.Y it at home (some how....if the will is big enough).
Anyway, I think "stuff to do" for me has to challenge me in someway. And I'm not talking bout climing Everest. It can just be as simple as something out of my "norm".
May 8, 2025
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So much of what I'm proud of has been inner work that isn't always noticeable on the outside. Recently I've been given a beautiful opportunity that brought up a lot of fear in me, which I've been through enough to realize that it was based on past hurt or taking on other people's opinions as a kind of judgemental character in my head. I'm so grateful to have the support of people in my life that helped me talk through what was going on. My husband, one of the best people in the whole world imho, shared with me that developing Self (the true, unique you) is recognizing when fear is just fear, and doing it despite that. Each time we are able to do that, our true self gets stronger and stronger.
Since I worked through that I've had so much more energy in my day to day life. It's like I slowly was becoming buried without even realizing it. I've learned that the goal in growing isn't necessarily to change, but rather to become more and more our true selves. It's a constant process. Barnacles attach, and we work to notice and remove them so we can swim smoothly.
May 27, 2025
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I contemplate these questions often, I feel like one conclusion I have come to is learning to trust myself first. Obviously sometimes that means you could be wrong, but when you listen to yourself - in your heart & in your gut - it has the answers more often than not. Sometimes that takes going through new experiences and learning new things about yourself. Allowing it to look like whatever it needs to look like. Some say utilizing stillness will help, but for others it may be chaos that helps to gather the insight and wisdom you seek.
Apr 6, 2024
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i may have spent a sinister amount of time here today but better with you folk than in the wild west of short form video content….
May 21, 2025
they really have this whole life thing figured out
May 20, 2025
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i have 200,000 plays on soundcloud because i made an ambient track when i was 15 and clickbait titled it "sex noises". dozens of comments going "wheres the sex". what a strange impact to have made on the world and i am locked out of the account forever
May 16, 2025