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It's a quiet habit Ive picked up along this whole "waiting for my life to start" ordeal.
I sit on the porch with a pack, reveling in the unusually cold winds and still quiet of suburbia, only sirens and the occasional bark cutting through.
Stewing in some thought, I guess. It's not a healthy habit, the opposite, but it keeps me from being entirely in of my own mind past 10 pm. An escape from the drivel of waiting for my move, waiting for something to finally be worth the trouble.
May 7, 2025
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🌀at a house party, some friday night in january.
“no smoking in the house,” they said, “but you can out there” my gaze drifts to the open door, smoke spilling out into the next room. it mingles with led lights. swirling blue and purple in the hazy air.
i’m perched on the edge of the couch, in the corner by the door. my belt is too tight now that i’m sitting. i feel it dig into the thin skin that stretches across my hipbones. my mouth is dry, and my head is spinning a little.
i curled my hair tonight, and wore lingerie with my carhartt jacket. i am 19 years old and sometimes i remember i am pretty.
i’m perched on the edge of the couch, in the corner by the door. my belt is too tight now that i’m sitting. i feel it dig into the thin skin that stretches across my hipbones. my mouth is dry, and my head is spinning a little.
i curled my hair tonight, and wore lingerie with my carhartt jacket. i am 19 years old and sometimes i remember i am pretty.
Feb 17, 2025
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🌃70 degrees and a slight breeze has never felt so good
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🚬And that question runs in my head 24/7
Like seriously, what do you do if you are not smoking ?
I’m literally trying to quit but what kills me is the boredom of it !
Break from work ? Smoke
Sitting in a cafe ? Smoke
Finished two chapters ? Smoke
Finished showering ? Smoke
Waiting for a friend? Smoke
How none smoker spend their time without getting bored ? 🥲🥲
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May 10, 2025
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🏙my job is watching movies and getting paid but sometimes it does get annoying to watch the same thing 3 times a day so i just sneak out and fuck around in the parking lot roof until i either get kicked out or someone notices im out. clerksmaxxing
May 7, 2025
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One night I'd realized that I was sorely lacking in any experience in Tokyo nightlife. I wasn't sure if I'd wanted to go out to Shinjuku for the red light district or risk being ID'd at the bars across Roppongi.
I wandered for a while before finding a nifty little spot. Small, quaint, warm. Plus, they allowed indoor smoking, so I was more than happy.
The first night I went I was the only one in, conversing endlessly about Mingus and other jazz giants with the barkeep, Kyoko. A simple gin & tonic and some Mingus was enough to keep my head straight for the rest of the night.
Last night, my final night in Tokyo, I decided to say my goodbyes there. It was full this time around, salesmen having just gotten out of work and the like. I had a wonderful conversation with each and every single one of them. Two whiskeys and five cigarettes deep, I still feel like it was a work of my imagination to have heard a group of middle aged men call me "sugoi".
Unfortunately, I do believe I owe all of them one of my own records. If I can get into a recording studio at all.
Nonetheless, its the best experience I've had in Tokyo thus far (aside from... usual tourist stuff, I'd say.)
Volontaire in Akasaka, Tokyo. If you like jazz and want an intimate night with yourself and some jazz records, and have 2,000 yen to spare for the cover charge, it's well worth it. It's not particularly foreign friendly but it's a wonderful place.
Volontaire in Akasaka, Tokyo. If you like jazz and want an intimate night with yourself and some jazz records, and have 2,000 yen to spare for the cover charge, it's well worth it. It's not particularly foreign friendly but it's a wonderful place.
Jun 6, 2025