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hello!!!! it has been ~1 week (wtv). lots of things have happened. most around me know very well that i made a cover of 104 Degrees by Slaughter Beach, Dog, on saturday, the 3rd. it’s released to youtube, link here! (its all the way bottom most likely)
it for sure came out of a spontaneous burst of creative energy, one that i haven’t really had time or effort to analyze how to replicate it again because in a sense i do feel unfamiliar with my own creativity. it happens, for sure, but why this time? i stickered my guitar, and felt more inclined to play it, that’s all that i know.
on top of that, i made a “music video” for the first time ever. it’s recycled out of footage on my sony cybershot in like 600x300, mostly some i took at a park in march, that day was special to me. it was the day i had early release, with the aim of enjoying a day to myself, with full preparedness and itinerary for a specific town. i’d go to eat ramen, enjoying my own company, go to a record store, (then vintage store), visit parks, and then go home. and it was really wonderful! i had so much time left over and, throughout my walk in the park i recorded footage for just ”something.”. it revealed its title later on during my creative burst.
to be really transparent, my first thoughts for the music video was to make a slideshow of a certain thing i did at my job a lot. for the first year at my job, everytime i got water from the fountain i forced myself to take a picture of the water fountain. I dont exactly know why i did this but there are many pictures of it, i thought at some point i’d might use a quick slideshow of them in ”something.”
But quickly as i realized nature was probably a better look for the music i was covering i just switched . maybe one day you’ll see the water fountain :)
i think i did great at the cover. it inspired me a lot, and did good wonders at feeling confident in what i am creating and being public with it to other people; i made my instagram public because i began to stop caring. now many more people even people i dont follow or an followed by can read this blog! wow!
on another topic i have met someone Very changing. it is hard to disclose every feelign and emotion i have but i “re-met” them last monday and since then we have been on an incredible bond and have talke alot…. we share similar quirks and interests and just general specific thought exercises that we put ourselves through. i’ve been understood before, but sometimes certain people can get to you more than others; not to their discredit though because novelty is very importnat and this person has it!!! they are incredbblyy talented at art and just have a very creative mind in general (no glaze :p).
with this new meeting, i feel like i‘m having a social life again. i’m learning to be okay with myself still, and this might feel soon, but i feel it’s for the best because i feel that i have progressed with feeling things the right way by myself. if i continue this path of self-tolerance or self-acceptance (not yet self-love, again that’s okay.), while also not being completely alone, i feel i will have a great outcome. balancing these two drives could lead to some true growth and i’m appreciative of this person coming into my life!!!! they are also very accepting of shortcomings i still have or have had in the past. it’s weird when someone new just accepts you as is because.. they don’t know who you were and weren’t there before. we’re also going to the same school which is crazy to think about!!! too much yap tbh let’s get to the music
at my last record store trip, i picked out 3 records dear to my heart; expensive but small:
LPs: Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins
Ants from Up There - Black Country, New Road
CD:
Young Americans - David Bowie (JPCD)
i really was stuck this time. there were three BC,NR albums to pick from and i think i made the right choice of AFUT because of how long it is. for Forever Howlong, there is a blue and red version that i really dunno what i prefer yet; FTFT is a small record that i can get at a later date.
Finding Heaven or Las Vegas was genuinely such a score on my end. normally my record store keeps stuff in shelves and crates but that day i decided to look under the top shelves and crates and at the records only shown by their bindings. then i found it!!! i dropped FTFT and committed to it. finding the David Bowie CD was really nice; i got complimented for it by the owner bc the JP label adds a lot of character; also there’s a cover of Across the Universe on it. severely enjoy all my finds.
here’s what i’m listening to currently (by album):
Sports - Modern Baseball
Welcome - Slaughter Beach, Dog
Gem of the West - SENTRIES (my voice is on this record, still great nonetheless)
i hope if you’re reading this, you find peace within; in moments of anytime. feeling yourself let go even for a couple of minutes is an amazing feeling that, we really do forget a lot. but i hope you find those moments more, because i am the more that time passes. until next week!
May 7, 2025
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Throughout my whole life, I had awful music teachers. I had a piano teacher that made me sit on my hands because he was frustrated with the way I played scales and a music teacher in primary/middle school that gave me so many anxiety attacks that my doctor finally gave me a note so I didn’t have to go anymore.
I was told so many times throughout my life that I had no music talent, discouraged from going further than scales but all of those people (teachers!!!!) were wrong. They just couldnt fathom that I had a different musical brain than them.
When I was 23, I ended up having to move back home from LA after my job rescinded their promise to sponsor me for a visa. I was depressed and heartbroken and lonely. I went to school for writing but didn’t want to write anymore so I ended up opening GarageBand on my iPad.
I was inspired by all the things I could do on it. I suddenly felt like I was entering a new world. After making a couple beats, I started moving everything over to the laptop version of GarageBand. I bought big headphones, a cheap usb mic and a keyboard off of a guy from Craigslist and continued to tinker. One of my favorite things to do at the time was to download karaoke midi tracks of popular songs I loved, import them into GarageBand and change the instrument until I felt like I was making something new. I would then use my shitty mic to wail on top of it.
I used GarageBand for years after that to make tons of songs that I just uploaded to SoundCloud without thinking about it much. Eventually I got a controller/sampler and access to Ableton and thats when the fun really started.
My love for music making snowballed after that, I amassed more gear and skill and eventually made an album after a couple years. I was obsessed with making it and while I feel really whatever about it now, I don’t feel whatever about the experience.
Music has allowed me space to express parts of me that there are no words for. The best thing I can impart is to take advantage of this. There are some things that you can only explain with a kick drum or a sine wave or a really hard bassline.
Music is still a huge part of me! I made another album after that first and now I’m working on my next project. I recently reincarnated myself (everyone in the ~industry~ advised against this but I’m a different person now) and I’m excited to see what’s in store for me. I don’t expect to make money or become famous but music feeds my soul in a way nothing else can.
Have fun!!
May 4, 2024
I've been writing/playing/recording/releasing my own music since around 2016. Music's been one of my passions in life since I was 10, all I wanted to do was write songs and play them. I had this purple notebook throughout middle school that I would write song ideas down in, mostly lyrics that I had a tune in mind for. But as with a lot of things in my life, I felt insecure and lacked confidence in my abilities and that led me to pursue the visual arts, which is a passion I'd had since I can remember and I got a lot of praise in growing up.
I've been trying to make music for the sake of making it and not for the pipe dream of making a living off of it. To me, doing things like art and music for money is a will killer; it strips all the passion and creativity from the work and it becomes solely about money. It would be nice if some day I luck into making enough money to support myself via my art, but I don't think that's going to happen and I'm not going to play the systems available to me and sell my soul in the process. Going to art school was a bad idea. Anyway, I have been daydreaming here and there about making some instrumental work and making a portfolio, try to get composer work maybe. Don't think my style lends itself to that but you never know. It's less personal that way too, with no words.
The words are the hardest part. I don't know what to say, don't know what I should put my voice behind. I want to be honest about myself, my life, my experience since that's the only thing I would call myself an expert on. And I've been trying to build that up like a muscle, trying to get myself comfortable with writing and singing what I've written. Singing in general. Trying to improve my playing too. I'm not sure if I'll ever get to a point where I'd be playing in front of an audience night after night, that's not really something I want. I believe in the power of performance, something I've been wanting production wise is to keep it simple. Vocals and me playing whatever instrument at the same time, a live recording. I think having to perform the same song every day kills that.
I've been listening to a lot of different music to learn from it, appreciate it. This started with the blues and folk, and where the name Sam the Wayfarer comes from. A lot of folk and blues musicians have names like that- First name the something. Rambling first name, Blind first name, etc. I'm going to switch to a different name, more of a band name than my first name being involved. Not willing to do my first and last name. Not sure if I should make it its own project or just put it over top the wayfarer stuff. But it'll be more of the same.
I don't have a big sound and I like to experiment, play around, do what comes naturally. I'd love to make louder music, but I don't have the space to scream and yell and thrash just yet. I just want to be me.
Jul 10, 2024
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there is no rhyme or reason to my taste in music. when i say i listen to everything, i mean EVERYTHING
i am in no way, shape, or form good at music analysis. this is all based purely on vibes. i like music. how much do i need to explain?
-Currents by Tame Impala
the entire album. this is me getting into the psychedelic, dance type beat. and i really like it. it’s different but still similar to the pop that i typically enjoy. my favorites off the album are “Moments”, “Let It Happen”, “Cause I’m A Man”, and “The Less I Know The Better”. despite being this funky synth stuff, it’s all still super depressing. the lyrics are just like that. and as someone who has been deeply in her feels recently, this is exactly what i need.
and on a similar note,
-“Borderline” by Tame Impala
same gist as Currents. except this song is more about the stoner stuff (which i am not) but it’s still a bop. i love the funk i love the synth i love the lyrics and the overall vibe.
-“Here With Me” by d4vd
i think i found this one off of some indie playlist Spotify made (yes i know it’s also a TikTok song). but i really like it. it’s the perfect song to belt out and be sad i don’t have a partner to. it’s just one of those songs that hits you in the feels. and, again, lots of feels are happening lately. and with this one, i’ve got this crush i can’t shake, and this song definitely does not help it. but i still love to sing it and be delusional.
lol so i posted this song on my Instagram note and my best friend replies “ooooh who is this about?” and i go “no one unfortunately i just like the song 😭” and her response is just “😭😭😭”
-“(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones
i play two The Rolling Stones songs and now my mom won’t stop calling me an ‘old soul’. but its among The Rolling Stones’ most popular songs, like?
but still, i like the older rock stuff like this. the guitar and the bass and the drums and the tambourine and the vocals are just peak.
granted i can’t really relate to the sexual frustration and commercialism, but do i really need to in order to like the song?
-“All Star” by Smash Mouth
slightly out of left field with this one, but as i said, my taste in music is all over the place.
we all know and love the alternative rock and power punk (yes i stole this right from Wikipedia) of the song. and this song ofc was part of my recent Smash Mouth binge…
but outside of the memes, this song is a bop. everything just works. it’s great.
i have no idea what the hell im saying cuz im shit at musical analysis but I LIKE THE SONG. DO I HAVE TO SAY WHY. WE ALL LIKE THE SONG SO WHY SHOULD I EXPLAIN WHEN THERES NO POINT
ok rant over. lol
i like music. i listen to a lot of it. and this all is kinda just to expose my music tastes because honestly, i have a pretty good taste in music if i do say so myself.
May 8, 2025
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-there was a recent time where i met someone, someone very sweet and interesting. we talked and talked, and no matter how much i'd ever see them again, i was okay with myself. to me, they were an anomaly in the people i met, because they were that remarkable to me. i walked away from them fulfilled, as i repeated to myself in my head "even if i don't see them again i'll be okay".
-i've always held on to those kinds of experiences, minus the acceptance. that's what's new with this one.
-first it was holding on to the memories of people who i couldn't see anymore due to moving, then it was holding on to the things we did. in elementary, the people that befriended me had a binder and we'd draw and play characters all written in that one binder during recess.
-one of those friends, kaden, moved away in 6th grade without telling anyone. with how much i've moved state to state, i completely understand why he did that or why he couldn't do anything about it. i've thought about disappearing, without anyone looking or having to worry about me. but, me being the person i am i couldn't forget him.
-the last move i have to do is this year. it won't even be out of my control because of it's that of college. my house won't be *my house* and it won't retain the shape it wrapped me around with.
-i live in myself and i'm learning to stop disappearing from myself, because in the end that is impossible.
-so, when i met this said person recently, i acknowledged that i could miss this person forever, but also the hope to meet people like them that i could keep forever. that there are good people i can be good to
so, when i leave, i want to accept that *things can happen again*. don't know if this made much sense
Jan 24, 2025
i like gaining knowledge and checking their sources. on occasion i edit articles on wikipedia. right now, i’m obsessed with studying math on it. i usually always land on the page about quaternions. def don’t use wikipedia as your source of knowledge though, make sure to check citations and read yourself!!!
Jan 14, 2025
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- happy snowstorm to those experiencing it.
over time i’ve been quite used to my environment changing around me. i know with how much control i’ve exhibited that it hasn’t been a case of myself lacking control or my *will* being meaningless, but rather the way i wake up.
- in the past few months, i shut myself off in attempts to minimize whatever i was feeling. i’m still guilty of it but,
looking at pictures of myself before i turned out this way makes me see that even if i can’t see how my behavior’s changed, i can see the physical.
this is a very stupid and literal reference, but “changes” by david bowie goes as such:
/ Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
/
time will change us. no matter what, but our efforts will amount to something if we try imitating its grip!
facing it first, (grimly) succumbing to time could be what makes us change.
there’s times where my change isn’t my priority. i’m guilty of wondering how other people think of me now, when i will never be able to know such “hows”.
i get scared, terrified of how someone else may have changed, and like with how the physical changes are the most obvious, the aspect that sets in the most fear for me is seeing how people physically change. it’s an odd feeling.
you meet who you’re going to be in the future, in each fleeting moment, but once that isn’t in your control, and you’re facing what you can’t lie about, you can’t stop how your environment changes. people look different, their perceptions of you change. all you can do is think what you could do differently, or accept everything.
accept who you’re going to be and everything you’re not.
Jan 19, 2025