Ironically the year anew has me reflecting on the past like im somehow gonna scrounge up a couple bucks in change if i would just look hard enoughā¦
I need to surrender to life and itās tendency to continue . Little music as of late has been guiding me through this endeavor, I feel sentenced to nothing but what Iāve always known . A prison of my own making! Just the same old songs and the same old albums and the same old me . How do I alleviate stagnancy when itās possessing my very being.Ā
I need new music. And I quit smoking and gave up the whole quitting thing after a month. God have mercy..
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to me itās always been kind of a sad song but itās also resoundingly hopeful
itās not been the best year but itās not been the worst, you know how it is- life kind of just happens.
i of course like the part :: ādonāt cryā¦ donāt raise your eyeā¦ itās only teenage wastelandā
i graduate this spring and thatās obviously a big milestone. being in high school is kind of uniquely miserable and beautiful at the same time. iām glad to move on but itās bittersweet
iām trying to stay in the present while also remembering that this is really āteenage wastelandā i.e: slums of adolescence.. what feels big now wonāt ever matter again.
things might feel empty and really suck, but you gotta keep moving forward. i guess thatās what i learned this year.
long rant over now š§āāļø
Dec 31, 2024
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Sorry to place you at the mercy of such virtual perversionā¦itās wrong of me to take advantage of this modern tool in favor of my own selfish interests.. But anyhow. Just kidding, I fully intend on perpetuating the masturbatory cycle that is emo posting.
Bill Fayās I Hear You Calling was my top song of 2024! Which is beyond fitting considering my time spent working for the UNITED STATES POST OFFICE. And many of my weeks consisting of sacrificing something liiiike oh I donāt know, 60-70 hours of my little time on earth to A Federal Corporation. Yeah Baby, just Like I Always dreamed. Bill sings ever poignantly,
āAll my time is lying
On the factory floorā
There is something about enduring pain that feels quite fulfilling, in the act of listening to a song . it feels worth it. To forge a relationship with suffering, playing dangerously in the territory of identifying with it.. and you meet a song that hears You, in spite of you doing all the listening.. to Be held by a song , to be understood in the face of dire alienation . Good lord. I will carry it all atop my shoulders for eternity, even if all I get in return, is the fleeting 2 minutes and 55 seconds of solace.
Dec 10, 2024
In 2024, I experienced grief in all of its stages. Fundamentally it changed me - for better or worse? Iām working on that with my therapist.
I found myself listening to this song *a lot* throughout the year. Maybe it was the vulnerable and relatable lyrics mashed up with a uplifting melody, but something about the final linesā¦
*āIt's that little souvenir of a colorful year
Which makes me smile insideā*
ā¦ always got to me. Hopeful, might be the feeling. Especially since itās the only point in the song that she doesnāt reference it as a terrible year. To me it felt like she wanted autonomy over how she wanted her song, her story on the year to end. She defines it, rather than it defines her.
You canāt control when grief happens to you, but you can control how you decide to navigate through it. Maybe, just maybe, I could look back at my grief and let it go.
Jan 22, 2025
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I fucking love it
IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN ILL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME
PAPA PAPARAZIIIIIII
May 5, 2024
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Like a dear friend . I miss how when I would smoke a cigarette it would settle into my hair , blanketing a preexisting layer of perfume. I love the way smoke seeps into the fabric of my car, my clothes, even into my skin. Smells like my parents, my grandparents. Our old house. Dads gold Lincoln towncar that we got shot at in. And last time I saw one of those, I was picking dad up from jail, and its license plate read TRULOVE.
Dec 14, 2024
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Loneliness prevails! I would much rather live purely in solitude for ever and ever than waste another precious second in the presence of someone who has little skin in the game of knowing me or seeing me. Hearing me! I wonder why you keep me around if all your hearts desire is to hear the sound of your own voice.
It makes no difference if itās me or anyone for that matter.
For all you know or even care I am merely an ottoman for you to rest your feet on, or a coffee table meant simply to pedestal your various notebook scrawlings and half-read books. I am a file cabinet. I have it here, dated, what you Thought and what you felt about work, or about your friends. ask me, I have it all.
And I loved it. I loved knowing you. I wanted to. I investigated and interrogated. I poured over it all with great curiosity, praying for all my red threads to weave a tapestry of you.
but I canāt remember the last time you asked me something about myself. When the opportunity arises, and god forbid, I Take it, you can barely hold your breath. Its like a shark sensing blood. You just canāt wait to talk talk talk talk talk.
But hey, itās your life, and baby, Iām just living in it.
Dec 10, 2024