Rec | FITTING IN?

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Warning pointless rant to the internet void:
Ever since moving to college I don’t have my friends I did in highschool that mattered so much to me. It has been really hard to find people who want to actually stick with me through everything, do things with me, and hear what I have to say. I honestly always feel like a last resort here. Everyone will casually cancel plans or flake or ghost and I’m tired of it.

@pleadingpisces

Apr 17, 2025

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@janwithan_e

i miss you maddie 💚

Apr 24, 2025

@pleadingpisces

@JANWITHAN_E I miss you so so much

Apr 24, 2025

@tiramisu

Heyy Kinda had the exact same situation when I first came to college last year, suddenly it was a whole new world of people and I missed everything that was familiar to me but it does get a better one day. One day going to college felt a little less horrible, i still dont love going to college and I wouldn’t say I have friendships like the ones I had with my school friends but it’s nice and I hope it gets better for you:)

Apr 17, 2025

@pleadingpisces

@TIRAMISU thank you so much :,) I think it will eventually get better with time too I just have to be patient and keep my mind open

Apr 17, 2025

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Foster a meaningful life on your own

I don’t mean fully by yourself, but foster one on one connections and do things that fill you up outside of a friend group. I lost my whole friend group after college and it really wrecked me and continues to do so (not as much as before). Even when I was friends with them I felt that I was the odd one out. When you’re able to find friends outside of a group, you learn a lot about your own values and about who is really looking to connect. Try not to get discouraged !! <3

@valoorie

Jan 21, 2025

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IT’S HARD TO TELL

The simple answer is YES at times I feel like I have no friends at all. Then I go to my drama club and have nice conversations with the other members. Then occasionally I’ll get to talk to one of my online friends and help them with a project. My thing is that these conversations don‘t reach outside of specific circumstances. I don’t see my drama friends outside of rehearsal because they don’t invite me to their events. My online friends don’t really reach out to me unless they want something. It can feel like I’m only a part-time friend and can never get closer to anyone. The way I cope with it is by remembering everyone is human too. These things are a two-way street and I know I’m not the best conversationalist and that’s okay. Time zones are wacky and people get busy and have lives that existed before I came into it. Learning to appreciate time by myself does feel a bit bittersweet though. I’m hoping things become clearer for me as I get older.

@Yertle

Jun 29, 2025

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You Aren’t Alone — we all are

From the Atlantic: ”There is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history when people have spent more time on their own.”
I don’t know anything about you—how funny is that? I couldn’t even begin to guess what your life looks like. I couldn’t spot you in a crowd. If I were a friend, I’m sure I could give better advice. Perhaps suggest joining a local group I know of, or a class at the gym that always puts me in a good mood. Perhaps introduce you to someone I’ve always thought you’d get along with.
The beautiful thing about the internet is that you can ask this question to the void and the void speaks back. It’s so much easier this way, but so much worse.
Geography, family, shared interests, shared labor. Community used to be inescapable. We still depend on each other for everything, but we do it all at a distance. I’ll chat for an hour with a friend across the country, but I know nothing about the people across the street. It’s a selling point if the grocer can name the farmer who grew your food. I could have been writing this to send to a distant family member, who I want to reconnect with, or an old friend—instead I’m writing to you, a stranger. It’s easier. Our community ties have been broken.
So: what do you, an individual, do? You may find more success if you develop individual friendships tied to a place—several articles about the loneliness epidemic talk about the gym—or a group that meets regularly. Apparently, the best way to beak down peoples’ walls is just to see them constantly. This is true for new friends and for deepening relationships. For those friends and acquaintances you’d like to be closer to, keep inviting them to shit. Set your boundaries, but keep trying. The thing about people is that everybody is interesting and confusing and stupid and wise and mean and wonderful—but it’s safer to spill all that on the internet, where no one can spot you in a crowd. Let people know that you’re around and interested no matter what, and see what happens. It will take a long time, but it’ll be worth it. Not just for you, but for them. For everyone, if we all put the effort in.
I’m sorry—it shouldn’t be this way. But we have to try. We’re all counting on each other <3