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I guess I don't need to bore you with all this rehashing. You're omnipotent now; the forest and the trees and all the dirt beneath it or something. Does betrayal still sting in heaven? If I don't believe that Jesus rejects those who jump from chairs, which I do not, then I must also question the idea that death is a release from pain. I hope you're thankful that I ask more questions than you did. But in all of your terror and rage, you were just glorious, like a god from some ancient myth, star-crossed with his fate. I wouldn't change you, and I know I couldn't. But I'm trying to ask you something, because my heart still beats and for that reason I am selfish
Apr 11, 2025

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not religious, but tbh reading the Bible or any religious scripture blows me away with how beautiful and significant everything manages to sound. my family is catholic, and we had to go to prayer for a family member's death today. did I do any of the prayers? no.. do all of them probably think I'm a weird queer emo who is going to hell? yes but some of the verses were unironically so TOUGH. made me feel like i should be sitting by a stained glass windows, writing an epic of love and tribulation with a big feather quill. 
Mar 13, 2025
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fuck, i'm not even catholic anymore. it won't leave me. someone save me from this hell
Jan 9, 2025
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For some reason, God thinks my love life is a joke.
I'm psyching myself up for a break-up, and God is like, "Really? Do you really mean that? He's everything you've asked me for. PLUS ABS." And the dude reveals abs cut like a fucking diamond.
And then I have to self reflect and appreciate how he respects my boundaries and goals, and it's really that I feel sketched out about commitment and following through on my words (to myself, to others). Instead of blaming what I haven't accomplished on him.
So I have this inner debate going on, and the man has no idea, but he has abs. Which is ACTUALLY QUITE SINFUL, God. What genius nerd needs fucking abs like that.
I'm not even shallow. But if it's served on a platter. I accept.
I feel very disgusted with the whole situation.
My fam and I came up with a brief, though:
POMI. Person of Mild Interest.
I told him I daydream of hot women. He said he daydreams of marrying me. He's very determined and follows through on his promises in a way that terrifies me. God stays funny.

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