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Lady,
Something hit me when I saw you for the first time. You were vibrant, sparkling, full of life. Wearing a bright t-shirt with a pez dispenser on it. We chatted, I said I liked your shirt. There was a lot I liked about you in that moment, though I only mentioned the shirt.
A friendship formed. I wondered if maybe it was going to be more than thatâsomething in your marrow spoke to my marrowâbut I also knew you were out of my league, so I didn't dare hope it and didn't dare pursue it.
And somehow I stumbled into a relationship with someone else. We weren't a great fit for each other, but once it started I felt obligated to keep on with it.
One day you and I went for a walk and you told me you thought something had been stirring between us and now you were confused because I was dating this other girl. I didn't know what to say. By then it seemed too late. The wheels were already in motion in the other direction. We said good-bye and parted waysâschool ended for the year and I transferred out.
Later that year I encountered you again: but this time in a dream. We hadn't seen each other for months. Things were going okay with the someone else: actually, I was barely surviving it. But in my loneliness I stuck with her. I wasn't myself enough to be able to end the relationship. I didn't know how to reclaim me and just kept going through the motions.
But then you came to me that one night as I slept.
In my dream I was in my childhood hometown, walking down the street. I saw you and you were with a man. You introduced us: "This is my husband," you said about him.
When you said that, I broke down on the spot. Literally, crumpled onto the street.
And the pain in the dream sliced so hard into the real world that I woke up crying. Twenty-two years old, alone in the dark, tears streaming down my my face. My heart breaking. Sobbing.
Before that, I'd hidden the thought of you. Tried not to think about you: to do so was just too dangerous.
But that dream planted you back in my heart.
You've been there ever since.
Mar 17, 2025
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đ«there's no standard treatment for a broken heart. i sigh quietly to myself, thinking iâll actually find an answer on how to heal a broken heart on google
it all began five years ago, when i finally started spending time with himâthe boy who seemed to shine a little brighter than the rest. he was the kindest, the prettiest, the one who made my heart feel lighter just by existing. and he wanted to be my friend. how could i not fall?
kept the friendship up for a couple of years and my crush for him grew even stronger. sometimes he would come up in my dreams and then i would try to summon fate itselfâmanifesting, wishing, aching for him to love me back. because, as every girl knows, there is always a phase where we believe the universe listens. and so, i rinsed and repeated, hoping one day, he would look at me the way I looked at him
when we messaged or meet up, he felt like my twin flame. a connection so deep, so natural, that i convinced myself he must feel it too. he understood me, and i understood him
but i never felt that he liked me as much as i liked him.
and then, it endedânot with a dramatic farewell, not with a grand confession, but with silence. I ruined it in my own quiet way: fading out, withdrawing, blocking him, letting the messages go unanswered. I stopped reaching out, and so did he. it was as if we had been a story left unfinished, pages ripped from the book before the final chapter could be written
it has been four months since we last spoke. and now, he has a girlfriend. may I addâthroughout our years of friendship, he never had one. situationships, yes, but never something real. yet, here she is. not me.
the day I found out, it struck me in a way I hadnât expected. I had let him slip from my thoughts, let weeks pass without missing himâuntil I saw what I had once longed for, in the hands of someone else. I hadnât realized I was still holding onto the dream until it shattered before me.
now, my mind drifts to what could have been. I picture myself in her place, feel the ghost of a life that was never mine. would he have loved me, if I had held on? if I had tried? was I ever good enough for him? wasnât I pretty enough for himâŠ? why⊠her⊠not⊠meâŠ?
time is meant to heal. i know this. but this wound runs deep. losing someone you once felt connected to in the deepest corners of your soul is a quiet kind of grief, the kind that doesnât announce itself loudly but lingers in the spaces between thoughts. my heart feels heavy, my soul even heavier
but today, i miss him more than usually. iâve fallen to deep, so now every time i think of him, i will miss him deeply.
it all began five years ago, when i finally started spending time with himâthe boy who seemed to shine a little brighter than the rest. he was the kindest, the prettiest, the one who made my heart feel lighter just by existing. and he wanted to be my friend. how could i not fall?
kept the friendship up for a couple of years and my crush for him grew even stronger. sometimes he would come up in my dreams and then i would try to summon fate itselfâmanifesting, wishing, aching for him to love me back. because, as every girl knows, there is always a phase where we believe the universe listens. and so, i rinsed and repeated, hoping one day, he would look at me the way I looked at him
when we messaged or meet up, he felt like my twin flame. a connection so deep, so natural, that i convinced myself he must feel it too. he understood me, and i understood him
but i never felt that he liked me as much as i liked him.
and then, it endedânot with a dramatic farewell, not with a grand confession, but with silence. I ruined it in my own quiet way: fading out, withdrawing, blocking him, letting the messages go unanswered. I stopped reaching out, and so did he. it was as if we had been a story left unfinished, pages ripped from the book before the final chapter could be written
it has been four months since we last spoke. and now, he has a girlfriend. may I addâthroughout our years of friendship, he never had one. situationships, yes, but never something real. yet, here she is. not me.
the day I found out, it struck me in a way I hadnât expected. I had let him slip from my thoughts, let weeks pass without missing himâuntil I saw what I had once longed for, in the hands of someone else. I hadnât realized I was still holding onto the dream until it shattered before me.
now, my mind drifts to what could have been. I picture myself in her place, feel the ghost of a life that was never mine. would he have loved me, if I had held on? if I had tried? was I ever good enough for him? wasnât I pretty enough for himâŠ? why⊠her⊠not⊠meâŠ?
time is meant to heal. i know this. but this wound runs deep. losing someone you once felt connected to in the deepest corners of your soul is a quiet kind of grief, the kind that doesnât announce itself loudly but lingers in the spaces between thoughts. my heart feels heavy, my soul even heavier
but today, i miss him more than usually. iâve fallen to deep, so now every time i think of him, i will miss him deeply.
Feb 28, 2025
Rec
âyou know,
all i like to write about is love.Â
writing is easier when itâs about your own personal experiences of grief, of pain
but love is the beautiful dove of the twoÂ
released at a funeral, released at a wedding.
,
because the definition is different for everybody.
â
the trees rustle again tonight, and the wind gently taps on the windowpane, begging again to be let in and my thoughts race farther and faster in the night than a pure-bred, hot-blooded racehorse, bucking wild for the first time my mind buzzes, stricken like a gong, reverberating in the quietness of tonight as i drag myself closer to you, you reach out for me, an unspoken, gentle and devout prayer, asking for me in the unspeakable words conveyed in a whisper through actions â i promised you a fantastical world of your own, where you are safe, through my own creation. i have created for you in the heart of my own somewhere for me to love you, fully and infinitely with all of myself. if this is not where you are safe, then there is nothing else. â word by word and sentence by sentence i create dreams i would never tell anybody not even under the skies of a cloudless night. when i sleep, i tuck my hopes and sadness under my pillow and hope a fairy will kidnap it and place in that spot something i should need more. but night after night, my dreams just macerate in the container of my heart. soon, i will drink them like an elixir of truth and what i am afraid of will come
â
the trees rustle again tonight, and the wind gently taps on the windowpane, begging again to be let in and my thoughts race farther and faster in the night than a pure-bred, hot-blooded racehorse, bucking wild for the first time my mind buzzes, stricken like a gong, reverberating in the quietness of tonight as i drag myself closer to you, you reach out for me, an unspoken, gentle and devout prayer, asking for me in the unspeakable words conveyed in a whisper through actions â i promised you a fantastical world of your own, where you are safe, through my own creation. i have created for you in the heart of my own somewhere for me to love you, fully and infinitely with all of myself. if this is not where you are safe, then there is nothing else. â word by word and sentence by sentence i create dreams i would never tell anybody not even under the skies of a cloudless night. when i sleep, i tuck my hopes and sadness under my pillow and hope a fairy will kidnap it and place in that spot something i should need more. but night after night, my dreams just macerate in the container of my heart. soon, i will drink them like an elixir of truth and what i am afraid of will come
May 2, 2025
Rec
âthough words feel too small for what i feel for you, i still want to try.
we fell in love fast.
faster than i knew was possible. and so, so deep.
like something in me had been waiting quietly for you, and the second you arrived, it stood up and said, finally.
it was sudden, intense, and real.
you opened a door in me i didnât even know was closedâand i stepped through without hesitating.
and that kind of falling⊠is beautiful. and terrifying.
because when something touches you this deeply, you know itâll leave a marK.
and i knowâwhatever happensâthis will break me.
at least for a whiLe.
but i wouldnât take a single second bacK.
because loving you has meant loving all of you.
the way you draw, and your inner child comes out through your hanDs.
the way your body lights up when you skate, like it remembers freedom.
the way you get frustrated sometimesâbut never shut down. you stay open, soft, human.
i love how you hold it together with graCe.
how you melt into my arms at the end of the day and let me hold you like youâve been needing it.
i love how you care so deepLy.
how you notice things most people donât.
how you believe thereâs more out there for youâbecause there is.
and yes, selfishly, i wish that âmoreâ included mE.
i love that you get annoyed when i turn away from you in my slEep.
that you want me closeâeven then.
i love your gentleness.
your firE.
your mind.
your spirit.
the way you see me. and let me see you.
and now iâm packing my life into boXes.
getting ready for cologne.
while youâre still here in barcelonaâthough maybe not foreVer.
it hurts to leave.
it hurts to see that little crack in your smile that i know wasnât there before.
i hate that iâm the reaSon for it.
but love like this doesnât just vanish.
it shifts. it stretches. it finds new ways to stay aLive.
and i believe we will figure this out.
not overnight. not without pain.
but we wiLl.
because this doesnât feel like the end of our story.
it feels like a pause. a transforMation. a deep breath.
you are something i didnât expectâbut something iâll never forget.
and i love you, in all your layers.
always,
m
Jul 7, 2025
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