feels against my christian upbringing. i should be going to church. (haven’t been in years)
Mar 2, 2025

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every sunday morning i wake up to a text from my mother telling me that she's going to church and i wonder when she started leaving me behind. i consider asking god about it. i dont want to go anyway though
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I feel like I'm micro-dosing Catholicism by feeling vaguely ashamed all day for no particular reason
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I stopped going to church several years ago and knew several years before that I didn’t belong there. For a while I was able to block it all out and run from it but there’s a lot coming to the surface now. I think I’m at a point now where I feel safe enough to feel all the things I suppressed and it’s overwhelming. All the fear and shame and the ways I betrayed myself to please others and all the stupid shit I did in the name of Jesus. I regret it all.
May 18, 2025

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