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A secondary supporting leg on our bed breaks while weāre having sex. We stop and I retreat to my study as he begins sliding the king mattress off of the bed to look at the damage. He tells me, I need an Allen wrenchāa declarative statement, not a request. I keep one in my desk just in case; I retrieve it and hand it to him within seconds. I recline in silent repose on my sofa, reflecting.
He calls me back in and we get back into bed. Iām going to try to ease back into it. He tells me that a screw is bent but Itās good for now. I know he wants me to say okay, yay, or to stop talking at all, but I canāt help myself, and I ask: well, what does that mean? He laughs in exasperation and clutches his face with his hands, shaking his head as if he should have expected this.
Every night, he tightens the screw before he goes to sleep, and every night, the leg bends in on itself again under the strain, right back where we started.
On our anniversary, I accompany him to buy a screw and watch as he huffs and puffs and struggles and whines. I abandon him to walk through the store and he calls me on the phone when heās done.
The leg is securely in place again, and all I can think about is how much longer every other leg can hold.
Feb 25, 2025
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I feel like thereās some symbolism in here that Iām kinda grasping but not quite. Donāt really have that relationship expertise. Youāre tapped into something though.
Greenelysium thank you lol there is definitely always quite a bit of symbolism in what I write and Iām glad to hear that it comes across intuitively!
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My fitted sheet shrank in the wash.
Every time I try to pull the last corner down another one pings off the bed.
I am Sisyphus, these sheets are my rock.
I cannot rest until my work is done.
I try to make my bed, at least I will never lie in it.
God laughs.
Jan 6, 2025
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Slow as the day goes by. I try and wake up only to find myself back in the slumber. It is a foot away and still I manage. My ears ring with sound of the leaves rustling I am awake at last only to find myself missing. It is quite ambivalent but also abit promiscuous, when something is missing it tells a story and leaves a mark. We talk about lies in the bedroom. Outside ourselves we leave the sheets red and that spoils the fun. But atleast we were there.
Nov 1, 2024
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I'm sure its all due to my poor diet & sleep, and my body is really starting to feel it. Hopefully once I sleep tonight, i'll wake up brand new and relieved to see that "it was all Monday's fault". I wouldn't be surprised, monday's are usually the worst for me, I can always feel it.
Recently I agreed to sleep over at a friends of mine, I like her, and while I wasn't consciously expecting anything but a fun night, I did hope me and her would spark and burn passionately for a night, I really need that touch, embrace, sweat, kiss. It didn't happen, and that's okay, but for some reason, i'm tired of spending these nights alone. I was really glad to have felt and smelt someones breath as they sleep away. I hope i'm not a weirdo, but I LOVE seeing someones face as they dream, & her cute tattoos sitting peacefully on her arms and thighs put me at ease.
Not enough ease to calm the anxiety bubbling in my stomach, bouncing in my brain, and burning my watery eyes. I didn't sleep at all that night, and I woke up to her telling me she's gotta get ready for a date.
Oct 1, 2024
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āLife shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.ā
ā AnaĆÆs Nin
This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that Iāve safely landed at the start of my new life. Itās honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think itās important to share.
Iāve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, weād have been together for 11 years, and weāve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with peopleāto rediscover my voice.
I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. Heās been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. Iāve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see.
Iāve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitelyābut someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial andĀ logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and itās going to be tough for a while but Iām going to be better than okay!
Now Iām opening up to you. This isnāt the only abuse Iāve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible.
I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolationāand breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom.
Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me š
Mar 16, 2025
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebodyābe it a relative or one of my best friendsāwas to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too š
Feb 23, 2025
Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ā
š
Feb 27, 2025