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I haven't lived very long, but so far in my expirence love and grief have made me feel most human. There are plenty of other feelings that connect me to life & the beauty of living, but love and grief seem to be the most potent.
Do we appreciate these emotions because they make us feel complex & beautiful, or is it because of the pure, visceral intensity of the feelings themselves?
I asked AI, and it told me it would never biologically be able to understand what it feels like to experience an emotion. That made me cry.
Feb 20, 2025
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the other day, someone who is a few years younger than me told me that they look up to me.
they casually mentioned it in conversation.
and i started to cry.
for the past few months i have been consumed by grief in a way that has forced me to lose much of myself, and i’ve been working really hard to find who i am again. or at least the me that i can be now. i feel like an absolute wreck, a crash out, a mid-life crisis divorced father stuck in a 23 year old girls body.
it was nice to be reminded that all of that is just about being human. that it doesn’t define me. i am only evolving.
i like that others can still see greatness in you even when you don’t feel it yourself.
Feb 24, 2025
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I’ve lost distant family members, patients, friends, etc., but I’ve never lost someone so close to me. I cried over everything and nothing and wished to feel anything but emptiness and loss. I laughed over memories and smiled at the sunset over a lake. I flew to GA just to feel the emptiness in person. Yet…I can’t help but feel happiness for knowing her voice, her love, her joy, her kindness, her unrelenting stubbornness. For seeing where she made her mark and who/where she made it in. Grief is weird and I’ll never not feel that void, but I hope I can grow to live and be comfortable with it.
Feb 17, 2025
Caitlyn Doughty makes a comparison between orcas’ and humans’ form of grief. It was so beautiful 😔
Mar 1, 2025
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It’s been so long since I‘ve woken up and felt inspired to make the day my bitch. I miss being silly, I miss feeling gratitude. I want to notice life again; feel the pulse of the earth beating alongside mine.
I spend my time dulling myself on Instagram, or dreaming about my future in the mountains or ocean or California—somewhere magical where I’m happy.
Be where your feet are. That’s the mantra that was grinded into me a few summers ago. Be present and you’ll be happy. Somewhat, I’ve been trying this. meditation once a week or occasional yoga. But I’m not doing enough to make a serious impact.
May this post be my marker. The year is pretty much still fresh, spring is coming (hopefully), and I pledge to be more presen. I shall wake up ready to happy light and go to bed with a belly full of tea. Let the joy return!!!!!!
Feb 28, 2025
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IF YOU ARE YOUNG & LOOKING FOR A JOB, PLEASE CONSIDER WOKRING IN A RESTURAUNT.
Pros:
- The work isn't extremely difficult
- Masterclass in empathy + kindness
- Low barrier to entry
- Infinite friends to be made
- Learn more about humans + yourself
- Free good food
- Flexible availability
Cons:
- You'll have too much money
- Won’t want to get a traditional job
- Will feel obligated to tip at least %30 when eating out
Feb 21, 2025
Sometimes I hear a melody or harmony or rhythm thats so sweet or brilliant or grooving that I get almost mad. A brew of hope, jelousy, and pure apreciaton wells in my stomache crescendoing to a twisted face hanging off a dancing head.
Feb 21, 2025