I think continually asking why you want something can help with this. When you do, you may realize the ā€itā€ you want is rooted in other people: how theyā€™ll perceive you, if youā€™ll be accepted by them, etc. The older Iā€™ve gotten Iā€™ve been better at untangling some of my desires from the ego and I think it has lead to better self-satisfaction of where I am at and where I am going. itā€™s also allowed me to ā€let goā€ of some dreams. Thatā€™s sounds negative or sad but I donā€™t mean it so: sometimes you white-knuckle-grip an idea of yourself so hard that it destroys you! I think ā€letting goā€ doesnā€™t mean things wonā€™t happen, it means they donā€™t have to and that pressure alleviation can make all the difference. Thatā€™s not to say to never let the drive of the ego take overā€¦Iā€™m not sure we would create art/great things without it. I guess what Iā€™m saying is that knowing the root of our desires is a key to balance and self-assuredness.
Feb 18, 2025

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this is COMPLETELY what i needed to hear i think. itā€™s the thing where i probably know what to do on some level but i donā€™t like the answer lol. youā€™re so right though, there is no destination and growing out of something you were sure of once doesnā€™t mean you were wrong. itā€™s all part of it! unfortunately itā€™s the journey baby!
Feb 18, 2025
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Oh and MOST IMPORTANTLY it is always changing! And you have to change with it! I donā€™t think life is working up to some arrival point. It sounds exhausting to know there is no final resting spot where you can stop having existential thoughts. But youā€™ll have moments of the feeling along the way if you let yourself. and it makes the moments of instability easier because you know youā€™ll return to level ground eventually. This is all easier said than done and Iā€™m only 29. I may eat my words by 30 but I may also land back here (or somewhere else entirely!) by 60ā€”but thatā€™s part of the change! and I think if we want any chance at being happy we have to embrace it because the only constant is change. TLDR; its the journey, not the destination šŸ¤“
Feb 18, 2025

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This might not necessarily apply to your situation, but I figured Iā€™d share my thoughts anyway. Often I think we buy into narratives we impose on ourselves about what will make us truly happy or content. People spend a lot of their lives chasing some lofty goal, often at great personal cost, both mental and physical. And once they get there, the result might not even be that great. There might be some complications that were never considered. Or, the day-to-day reality of the dream made manifest isnā€™t as glamourous or fulfilling as we thought it would be. Iā€™m not saying you need to disregard your aspirations. But I think itā€™s good to have an open mind about potential futures, even beyond what you see as being immediately fulfilling, or the ā€œtruestā€ version of yourself. I know itā€™s hard in our world to conceive of our self-worth outside of what we spend a great deal of our time doing. At the same time, I think itā€™s possible to strike a balance between what we think we want and what ends up making us happy. Hope that makes sense.
Nov 7, 2024
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I contemplate these questions often, I feel like one conclusion I have come to is learning to trust myself first. Obviously sometimes that means you could be wrong, but when you listen to yourself - in your heart & in your gut - it has the answers more often than not. Sometimes that takes going through new experiences and learning new things about yourself. Allowing it to look like whatever it needs to look like. Some say utilizing stillness will help, but for others it may be chaos that helps to gather the insight and wisdom you seek.
Apr 6, 2024
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i find that it's about knowing yourself and who you've always been, then taking that into the world, having new experiences and doing things, and eventually finding little bits of yourself out there in the world. it's easy to forget but hold onto what you love and you'll keep yourself, and if you keep yourself you'll know without question.
Feb 17, 2025

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