Words appear as I think them like a karaoke video in serif font on a white background. Sometimes I’ll be doing the dishes and I’ll start repeating paragraphs I’ve drafted and editing and rearranging them and adding to them in my mind and they shift around visually as I’m doing it. Sometimes other words or phrases will get caught in there and they’ll quietly pass back and forth like a sky banner. Songs are often drifting through—right now it’s Pale September by Fiona Apple—and if there’s a particularly beautiful or resonant part it’ll loop through that snippet a few times. I think almost entirely in words, in monologue and in text, with very faint flashes of associative images—I imagine this is to protect me from the dark and horrific things I’ve seen in my life that would be too much to bear if I were to be exposed to them in such a visceral way. I can’t rotate or even envision a shape to save my life. Rarely, strong images will appear to me in conscious life—I remember lying in bed, about to fall asleep, and suddenly seeing from the point of view of an investigator entering a pitch black cave with a lantern held in his hand as his only light, about to discover something terrible, no doubt. My dreams are vivid and laden with powerful symbolism, and usually there is a sense of being too afraid to fully step into my power or claim what’s mine. I have the memory of an elephant, with everything filed in nearly chronological order. I’m sure I tend to embellish and dramatize without realizing but then I think my memories speak to a certain distilled emotional truth, more accurate than pure facts. Sometimes there are some incredible blind spots in my perception that I don’t realize existed until years later. I analyze and intellectualize everything. I’ve been told that my mind is obsessive and tends to fixate. Sometimes the emotions that I keep trapped in the basement push their way up through the trap door and threaten to stampede me as their captor but I manage to stuff them back down again until I’m ready to let them go; some of them may never see the light of day.
Feb 15, 2025

Comments (10)

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Sometimes i get the same thing as you where words or blurbs will pop up like a bouncey-ball sing-along/karaoke jam. That’s so cool!
Feb 16, 2025
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“I want you to know why story-truth is truer sometimes than happening-truth”
Feb 16, 2025
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imkhushi 💯
Feb 16, 2025
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felt like i was reading a description of my brain
Feb 15, 2025
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dakotablue wow!! 🧠⚡️🧠
Feb 15, 2025
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taterhole the vivid memory / constant analysis
Feb 15, 2025
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dakotablue it feels like a really wonderful gift even though it can often lead to terrible analysis paralysis if left unchecked and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be less burdened by crushing self awareness lol
Feb 15, 2025
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taterhole lol i tell myself that all the time. and my mantra is don’t like the analysis lead to paralysis. are you good with remembering faces?
Feb 15, 2025
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dakotablue YES I recognize everybody. my dad is really good at that too
Feb 15, 2025
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taterhole yeahhh
Feb 16, 2025
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