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im 30 and this is deep

This could change when I hit 40 (lmao), but the older I get, the more confident I know who I am. I feel more and more sure of myself, and less and less concerned with how others view me. My life is my own, and comparing it to other's is a disservice to myself and the path I'm now on. Do I still experience guilt, regrets, doubt? Of course I do. Do I know what I'm doing with my life? I might have less of a clue than I did in my twenties. Do I still feel like a weird little freak, like I did in my teens? Hell yeah, some stuff just never changes. I still enjoy things I loved as a child, like video games, Pokemon, stuffed animals, and giggling. I still enjoy things I loved as a teen, like pop punk music, being annoying, and singing whenever the mood strikes. I still enjoy things I loved in college, like dancing enthusiastically, writing amateurish poetry, and crushing on women who will never, ever be into me. But now I'm just...30. More health issues. More scars. More silvery hairs that sparkle in the sun like some vampiric trope made real. But also...more memories that sweeten with time. More time spent in awe and revelry. More reveling in the beauty of nature. More of my own innate nature revealed to me as I sit with myself more, alone. I feel thirty, flirty, and thriving. I also feel as a child, as a teen, as a drunken young adult, bumbling around without knowing if what I'm doing is right. I'm just doing my best. That's all you really can do; embrace how you are now, and how you are tomorrow, and again, and again, and again.

@chickeninshoes

May 13, 2024

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Thought i was getting somewhere, but had so little of what i know now

I turned 21 in february 2020, so, ya know. My world changed quick. But truly I just remember trying various things, trying to define and undefine myself. Feeling what it felt like to stick to my guns, then readjust them. I was in the middle of what would be a 2.5 year relationship. I didn't kid myself with picturing a big future anymore than what was sweet, which was wonderful. I was living with a partner for the first time and felt like I knew what to do, like I was experienced enough for all the problems which faced me. but really I was just experienced enough to start so many things. I was constantly bouncing between total pride and complete faliure. Playing house in a house I was actually renting with friends. Experimenting with what grocery shopping for myself meant to my life, redifining how I was going to live my days in the future. The best thing I did in my 21st year of life was not be too mean to myself for not committing, and just committing to new things. I would go dance in the park, go on walks, edit music. All things I wish I did on the regular but regardless, by trying new things, it made it so much easier to pick them up, because I had a frame of reference for the world. I loved being 20, as depressed as I was. That specific creativity is gone. But now I am 25 and know how to weild my own magic. The depth I have always felt within my soul has farther definition. Its like I put on glasses in a 7th dimention. Don't underestimate the beautiful growth ahead. Yes you are an adult, equipped hopefully to start so many new things. But keep up that internal work, and the years will be bountiful towards true inner peace. And soo many more new tools to better learn how to tackle issues while still feeling like yourself. u got this. stay true to urself but be flexibl with redifining who that is. x

@chai

Jun 12, 2024

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Best things about getting older

i’m 36 and here’s what i can share: i’ve realized that aging is a gift, tomorrow is not guaranteed. so do your best to live in the now, don’t worry too much about the future. realizing you are your own north star. trust your gut and intuition, you know yourself best which means you know what’s best for you. getting comfier in my own skin. i stopped wearing makeup on a daily basis in 2019 and have grown to love the way my face looks without makeup. becoming very good at cooking. i started cooking in my early 20s and have only gotten better in the ensuing decade. take a knife skills class! try out recipes left and right. borrow cookbooks from the library! earning every single one of my smile lines and wrinkles because my face is expressive and i’ve lived my life. my tolerance for bullshit has greatly shrunk. actively learning not to be a people pleaser (i am still working on this). getting so much better with my finances that money doesn’t stress me out like it used to. really embracing my own personal style. realizing that as a short queen, i needed to get my clothes tailored and slowly building a wardrobe that fits me like a custom glove. getting better at saying “no”, setting boundaries, protecting my space and my peace, and being a clearer communicator. learning that there are ways to get enough fiber in your diet other than eating salad (although i make a very good salad). setting traditions so that you’ll have a way of marking the passage of time. for example, i always make a very complex gazpacho in August when tomato season is reaching its midwestern peak.

@salad_valet

Feb 17, 2025

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Top Recs from @sleeperhit

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Making your friends feel special

it’s beyond worth the effort. it feels so good to love people well :)

@sleeperhit

Mar 3, 2025

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voice memos

if the text requires more than 3 sentences it’s a voice memo! the efficiency of just getting to speak! the intimacy of sending your voice and the process of gathering your thoughts in real time! the presence of tone and vocal inflection! i actually aspire to only ever communicate via phone calls and voice memos. texting is such a menace in my life.

@sleeperhit

Mar 21, 2025

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Earnestly wishing people good luck

i think it’s so sweet. whatever sway i do or don’t have over the fates i’m offering it to you!

@sleeperhit

Mar 5, 2025

1