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My world is so dark; it always has been; however, this new kind of blackness is overwhelming. My flame was once so bright it stood in opposition to the black mass. At least I like to think of it that way; in reality, it was light from a candle dancing for an audience of tall trees in a dark forest. That way of wandering life was tolerable, almost enjoyable. Now I’m lost with no direction, watching my little flame dwindle. My world, which I’ve attempted to explore and know, is becoming more and more strange as my vision suffers. I can’t feel my way around the forest; my fingertips don’t recognize the barks of my neighbors. My world is so dark, and it’s only getting darker. I’d be sure to keep searching. Searching for something I may never find.
-Me
Feb 12, 2025
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I’ve spent the whole morning looking for a lost key that would open all the doors. It was like waking up small cuts in the throat, like searching for the past and remembering the pain. Another thing crossed off the list, but was it worth coming back home? Will it help to bang your head against the doors?
What we do is shameful, it’s shameful to neglect what we have around
Walking back home, I unplugged myself and looked up at the sky. It was 8:34 PM and there were a few stars. I realized the trap - dispersion. I don’t know how long it’s been since I last looked up at the sky - usually, we gaze blankly down, the deepest point of a screen.
Jan 29, 2025
i used to chase rainbows
walk a few blocks maybe
then turn around cause i always knew it was fruitless
now i do the same for sunsets
try to stay up for sunrises
i never succeeded but i always look back
i keep swinging and dreaming of the sun rise i never saw
all i have is the orange horizon that never finishes its downfall
i close my eyes and listen to the cicadas
i take a deep breath and ask god to change
but i open my eyes and the sun isn't set
hours after it was supposed to
my legs are tired but i wish to swing
my head hurts but i can breath
the car lights blind me and i hope they don't think of me
the bright fluorescent lights highlight my growing roots
not blonde but not entirely brown
dull and indecisive
so the next day, I walked further, I tried to see the sun for a better angle since I once again missed the rise
I seem to have walked quite too far, so the sky was blank, covered by trees and high skylines so I go back and turn around feeling the cars go by me almost hitting me each time, and I immediately regret that I didn't walk even further to see what was beyond the bend, maybe the trees would clear away and i’d finally see the set from a perfect angle
I hope one day I'd find myself back to a tall mountain Ridge where I could see the fall and theoretically the rise all by myself and nothing else in mind
but i didnt take advantage when i did have that perfect spot
Mar 30, 2025
Top Recs from @deadboyracer
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With all the quick motions and shocking happenings of the world, I've been taking refuge in the faith I was raised with. Not with a reactionary frame of mind, but searching for the empathetic section of the world I knew when I was younger. Before, I learned about the expansive evils of the world and the contradictory nature of mainstream Christianity and, in extension, Catholicism. I've left the church, but I still visit from time to time, mentally. The teachings of love and justice have given me solace in these trying times. As some rights are being stripped and opportunities limited, my first reaction has been to pray for the people affected. Sympathy is hardwired in my bones, but it's new that I physically get on my knees to recite and conjure a prayer. I've been told I'm having a "come to God" moment, but honestly, I feel I'm falling in love with an idealistic version of Catholicism. Something I can defer to when the logical and the skeptical sections of my mind are overworked with anguish. I feel it couldn't only be me feeling these emotions.
Anyone else?
Jan 28, 2025
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Foolishly in love with my self-loathing, we’ve been married for years now. Although history proves I've been loyal, I can’t lie; my eyes are wandering. Moving on and self-acceptance have been looking real good recently. I think it's the promise they hold. I’ve inched towards them slowly, but I’m a married man. Leaving something that’s been with me for so long now is very daunting. To leave is to break trust and commitment. Who's lain in bed with me all these years, who's kept me company after dark? How could I dare leave my loyal partner? How foolish of me.
-Me
Feb 12, 2025
In the circles I run in, it’s very underappreciated. Freddie and Alchemist must’ve sold their souls or something because the album from start to finish is literally the most beautiful and perfectly executed album ever. It’s perfect for long drives, walks around the neighborhood, and it’s perfect barbershop music. If you know what I mean. The lyrics exude a certain rawness and sincerity that, when juxtaposed with the peaceful samples on the instrumentals, form the perfect listening experience. The album feels too intimate at times; it genuinely takes me aback.
Jan 31, 2025