I didn’t catch on until a few years ago, a lot of my dreams that are filled with anxious fear are surrounded with the feeling of being lost, facing an unknown and a sense of wanting to find home. The motif appears in different forms but the theme is always in some way traced back to these. There’s a bit to unpack there, I’ve really only scratched the surface
Feb 6, 2025
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Becoming, transformation, unfolding, alignment, authenticity, desire, repression, shame, self-deception, denial, recognition, trusting, reciprocity, relaxation, intuition, feeling, embodying, resting, ease, home, bravery, adventure, taking great leaps into the unknown…
Mar 3, 2025
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Like a horse with no name, just feeling off and odd and outside of it all with no discernible cause and nausea on top. Feel like you’re washing away but not sure where from or to.…Comes randomly and unceremoniously, lasting a few days and cleaving a rift in every moment and interaction, a rift you kinda try to pretend isn’t there because you don’t know the cause or timeline. But rather than hammering your fists over an open canyon, casting a lonely echo, you breathe when you can and try to describe not why but what (for research, when it inevitably comes again), and wait until you feel the sun on your head again, when you stretch your fingers and feel the pull of your skin and the blood rush through and know you may not be you yet but you’re closer than the day before. And the fractures stay like fossils reminding you how swiftly you can slip outside of it all but also that you can float on back too.
May 26, 2025
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I left for a while to go on a study abroad experience. The more time passes after The Thing, the less life makes sense. I'm trying to get back to the people I used to know, to get back into the routine I had, the things I used to think.
But somehow EVERYTHING about and around me is different and I don't understand ANYTHING. My body is different, my time isn't the same and somehow even my thought process has changed.
I came back home expecting familiarity and warmth, and surprise, the world has obviously moved on (as I did) and nothing is the same, except all that is. Maybe not understanding everything I thought I had already integrated is part of growing up, I feel as if I'm shedding old skin to make room for new one, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared, confused, and generally don't really get the concept of time passing.
I never used to get when people said they wanted the world to stop for a second, because that wasn't me, I wanted more, faster, more, all of it. Now I get it. Let me lay here for a moment and not think about anything.
☆lookaliveodette!!!!!!☆
Feb 26, 2025
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Mar 13, 2025
May 9, 2025
Taking myself out on a date once a week with the intention of recharging and engaging with things im passionate about <3 a practice the book The artist way suggests as a way to nourish our creativity and self expression.
This week I took myself to the movies and watched In The Mood For Love by Wong Kar-Wai 🥲
Feb 10, 2025