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Growing up, my parents were divorced, so every other Friday my dad would pick up my sister and me, and weād spend the evening shuttling back and forth between their housesāabout an hour each way. He had a Sirius XM subscription, so the car rides were full of 70s on 7 and 80s on 8. He could hear the first few chords of a song and immediately dive into how it was made, the backstory behind it, or some random trivia about the artists. I still think about him explaining the story behind Crosby, Stills & Nashās āJust a Song Before I Goā or Eddie Van Halenās solo on Michael Jacksonās āBeat It.ā
It was such a fun way to think about musicānot just as music, but sometimes as these tiny, collaborative moments of magic.
Not all the stories were fun, but they were always meaningful. Like todayāI was listening to Fiona Appleās Extraordinary Machine, most of it for the first time. I now have this habit of reading reviews and learning about how an album was made after I listenāprobably because of my dad being such a huge music nerd. This time, it led me down a rabbit hole about her partnership with Jon Brion, the fight with her label Epic Records over its
release, and all the b-sides/unreleased music and lore that I wasnāt expecting. Itās like discovering a missing piece to a larger cultural puzzleācontext that deepens your understanding and appreciation, even if it isnāt necessary to enjoy the music. š
Jan 7, 2025
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Throughout my whole life, I had awful music teachers. I had a piano teacher that made me sit on my hands because he was frustrated with the way I played scales and a music teacher in primary/middle school that gave me so many anxiety attacks that my doctor finally gave me a note so I didnāt have to go anymore.
I was told so many times throughout my life that I had no music talent, discouraged from going further than scales but all of those people (teachers!!!!) were wrong. They just couldnt fathom that I had a different musical brain than them.
When I was 23, I ended up having to move back home from LA after my job rescinded their promise to sponsor me for a visa. I was depressed and heartbroken and lonely. I went to school for writing but didnāt want to write anymore so I ended up opening GarageBand on my iPad.
I was inspired by all the things I could do on it. I suddenly felt like I was entering a new world. After making a couple beats, I started moving everything over to the laptop version of GarageBand. I bought big headphones, a cheap usb mic and a keyboard off of a guy from Craigslist and continued to tinker. One of my favorite things to do at the time was to download karaoke midi tracks of popular songs I loved, import them into GarageBand and change the instrument until I felt like I was making something new. I would then use my shitty mic to wail on top of it.
I used GarageBand for years after that to make tons of songs that I just uploaded to SoundCloud without thinking about it much. Eventually I got a controller/sampler and access to Ableton and thats when the fun really started.
My love for music making snowballed after that, I amassed more gear and skill and eventually made an album after a couple years. I was obsessed with making it and while I feel really whatever about it now, I donāt feel whatever about the experience.
Music has allowed me space to express parts of me that there are no words for. The best thing I can impart is to take advantage of this. There are some things that you can only explain with a kick drum or a sine wave or a really hard bassline.
Music is still a huge part of me! I made another album after that first and now Iām working on my next project. I recently reincarnated myself (everyone in the ~industry~ advised against this but Iām a different person now) and Iām excited to see whatās in store for me. I donāt expect to make money or become famous but music feeds my soul in a way nothing else can.
Have fun!!
May 4, 2024
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I know itās a fairly common thing but Iāve recently come so fond of listening to two or three songs before I go to bed. In a way that I kind of just stare at the wall and think of the day and contemplate but I canāt help but feel (I know this sounds dumb) that itās these like end credits to a really lovely movie. Except itās my day?!!
I dunno very dumb. I sometimes try to fall asleep with this music playing in my ears or behind my head tucked beneath the pillow so I can prolong this like climactic emotional expression to capstone the day. It always frustrates me when I eventually do have to sleep, turn the music off, and go off to dream in the quiet ambience of my room. My brain does sometimes keep the music blasting even without my earphones though which is very kind.
Music I feel justifies all these things happening in my life. As if it doesnāt hold value if the songs I listen to arenāt played. Itās like you watch a movie that you just love and sorta sit in awe as the credits roll and the music swells. Thatās how I feel about my day most nights! At least lately that is. Really lovely music squeezing my brain into an appreciative analysing ritual of the day.
Iām just yapping at this point but I can definitely attribute this to always having this deep urge for my life to amount to something worth telling a story about. I watch so many amazing movies and I think it would be such a waste to have the only amazing experiences I witness come from outside my life. Soooooooooo #romanticiseyourownlife I guess??
Just felt the need to express it. I had a good wall watching session just then listening to Broken Social Scenes album āYou Forgot It In Peopleā (too many bangers) and I couldnāt help but speak my mind about it :)
Feb 17, 2025
This thing is my pride and joy š
The last few months Iāve been on a little journey to reconnect with myself. Iād killed too many months in the algorithmic voids of TikTok and Instagram. I accredited this (largely) to the accessibility of it all. I mean, why NOT scroll through your feed at every minor inconvenience when itās right there in your pocket?
Part of this journey meant stripping back the technology I rely on, without compromising the things I enjoy. The only thing holding me back was my music.
Iām the breed of āinsufferable manā that has over 100k minutes streamed every year, and a budding vinyl collection on his wall. Losing the social media would be easy, but the music not so much š
I picked up this iPod about a month ago now, and itās been a total game-changer. I love to critique the growth-through-consumerism mindset plaguing the self-help spheres of the internet, but picking this up genuinely changed my relationship with my phone.
Iām not looking down to skip a song every few minutes, which means less time to spot notifications, open apps, and mindlessly scroll. Having all of my music locally on this thing has cut my screen time while Iām out by half.
Buying shit wonāt fix your problems, I attest, but sometimes itās fun š if youāre a big music listener and your screen time is through the roof, try putting your music on its own device. Listening this way makes me appreciate the music more. I listen to full albums, not hand-plucked singles. Iām conscious about what I choose without having a shuffle feature or a playlist do it for me. Itās changed my relationship with the art I loved, and helped make me a *little* more present in the moment.
Give it a try! And if you have, how have you liked it? Would love to hear your thoughts :))
Jan 27, 2025
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got me giddy as hell packing my bags and picking up my sweet little treats
weāre gonna spend the night exchanging hot goss and our silly little secrets
iām over here kicking and swinging my little feet in anticipation
this really this is a love letter to my girls. i love you and iāll see you sooonnnnnn
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Dec 14, 2024
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god sometimes, in the moment, it sucks. but 99.99% of the time i feel so much better after the fact. inspired by me having to recently take my own advice i give to my students about how to get more comfortable being uncomfortable.
Dec 18, 2024
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nothing better than knowing what makes you feel and look good and sticking to it. i know an all black fit or big sweater-skirt-with-tights combo hate to see me comin š
Dec 13, 2024