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These past few weeks my mind has felt so all over the place, up and down constantly where I struggle to understand if I’ve made any progress. Consumed by a constant need to keep my mind occupied coupled with a deep sense of loneliness when people don’t respond, I end up scrolling through social media to take up my time only to question if what I feel is justified or real. I try to ask for help but wonder if I should be putting my friends through my constant episodes of anxiety and depression. I’m trying to keep my mind occupied in more conservative ways, maybe this app will help.
So how come I can perfectly understand what and why yet I struggle to grasp and control it.
Dec 28, 2024
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my mind has always made it hard for me to fall asleep because I don’t know how to turn it off sometimes. I can think myself into an anxiety spiral if I’m not careful.
I recommend meditation. it’s still hard for me to clear my mind but the more I practice the more it helps. when something pops into my head I imagine turning it down on a mixer and it fades out.
not all of our thoughts belong to us. I’m learning to reject the thoughts that don’t align with who I am or what I want in my life. we don’t have to believe or identify with every thought that pops into our chaotic brains.
Oct 1, 2024
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The dial that controls my creative output has not been cranked to the max lately and I’ve been getting upset at myself for it. Its felt like I’ve been wasting my free time by doing things that I like instead of things that are productive, and in turn enjoying those things less because I’m thinking about how I should be bettering myself or my world in some way.
I know there will be a time when the juices flow again because they have once before, and while I am in this dry spell I’m trying not to crucify myself too rigorously for not doing much writing and instead trying to make it to the end of the day without telling myself that I need to kill myself too many times to be deemed socially or even asocially acceptable.
Maybe a less prideful individual would just call it being depressed, but I must convolute around taking the easy way out and chalking it up to some misfiring neurons to instead convince myself that I am a cog in some unknowable cosmic engine and I simply must wait for some 7th dimensional machine elf to power me back on before Feeling Like Myself Again
1d ago
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Things that come to mind that I’ve tried:
Firstly, recognizing that it is anxiety. Helps my brain reframe the experience. I most likely didn’t do anything anyone is going to think twice about in a bad way, but rather my dang anxiety is going haywire again and is distorting things.
Loving boundaries with onself. I literally talk to my anxiety like it’s a kid. I give compassion to it, but also draw the boundary that I’m not just going to listen to the same shit over and over if it’s unhelpful. It’s not ignoring, but is is consicously saying NOPE. I’m not doing this to myself! Sometimes, I just need to recognize that yeah that was weird, wtf. But I don’t let myself beat myself up over it.
I also have some go to phrases that help me. Firstly, that no one probably cared or noticed the things I did. And secondly, so what if they did? What’s the worst that could happen? They don’t like me? They confront me? I usually come to the conclusion that while some situations would suck, I actually could handle anything. I’m not a bad person.
Then I distract myself. I practice mindfulness in the things I’m doing so I stay in the present moment. If my mind starts to go back to that, I see if there’s more I need to feel but usually I’ve dealt with it and just say NOPE! I’m done with that now!
I hope this is helpful. Sometimes when extroverting my inner process I’m unsure if it makes sense to anyone but me. But, I’ve been there! I think a lot of people have. And it sucks, but there’s a path forward 🫶
Feb 3, 2025
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