š
First thing she told me about him was that he had weird style. A 2015 hypebeast who got a gig vibe curating for organic grocery stores. Thatās what she told me about him. She showed me a picture of him where he had his lips all pursed up like he was trying to show off his jawlineā but in a knowing, self-effacing ādonāt I look so silly making this handsome pouty faceā way. Shortly after she asked me to look at this picture & make fun of him & after I had complied, she told me something interesting.
āHeās got this car. Itās a complete, from scratch model of the car from that lindsay Lohan movie herbie, fully loaded.ā
I sat up, cross legged
ānot just the chassis, not just the engine, the whole thing. He found concept art & behind the scenes schematics of herbie. He tracked down each part & made absolute sure to get them as authentically as possible. He didnāt include anything unfaithful to the original vision. He mentioned something about being unable to be unfaithful to it. That working on āHimā, he kept calling the car āHimā, that this was his way of discovering what faith meant.ā
This confused me, so i asked my friend to keep explaining.
āItās likeā hereās the way he put it. Itās like this, you can get a ready made replica of just about any famous car you could dream of jsut by knowing the right people. But a replica is not āHimā. He told me that he had no interest in driving something sold to him with āauthenticityā, itās āfaithfulnessā being a POINT OF SALE.ā
I was intrigued, so I asked her point blank what she thought he got out of the whole thing. She gazed up at the ceiling for a while, I think looking at the same daddylonglegs that I was looking at earlier. The one with the big orb of eggs attached to its thorax. an orb that would burst & bring forth 10 million babydaddylonglegs into my home. After a few moments of spidergazing, she told me this, this is what she told me. Like the words were being sucked from her mouth.
āI donāt know. It might be some weird type of prayer, like heās building himself an idol or a god or a friend or a father or a lover. He told me that when heās inside āHimā, he feels in control. He feels safe. Powerful. His hands are on the wheel & Herbie responds perfectly to everything he does. Thereās no resistance, like Herbie is an extension of his own flesh almost. He insists that he can hear Herbie whisper words of encouragement to him. There was something vaguely sexual about it all. Itās weird Jake, but I couldnāt tell if he was gonna laugh or cry or kiss me. And I wanted him. Badly. It was the most honest a man had ever been with me. I havenāt been able to stop thinking about it.ā
I asked her if she planned on seeing him again.
āI donāt know. Maybe. You know I donāt have a car. Thing is that he lives far away & the drive is kind of a bitch.ā
Dec 16, 2024
Related Recs
āļø
Iām at the workshop of some guy to get a jacket chain stitched. The workshop is in a building behind a house in Chicago. If youāve been around here, you know what Iām talking about. The artist is this British dude that has very wild energy. Kind of reminds me of that dude from Idles, but smaller. Looks like he doesnāt shower.
So I brought him a jacket and he completely disassembled it. I start freaking out because I remember that I already have a deal with a different artist (I am actually working with IRL). At one point his mom is there and he kicks us out? So Iām just chilling in the backyard with his mom while sheās on a swing and Iām sitting at one of the many lined up picnic tables.
When he was done it was an incredibly beautiful and creative jacket, far beyond what I had asked.Ā Ā I realize that I was still getting my husband jacket made by the other artist, but this jacket was for me. I hadnāt even paid.Ā Ā I was worried about paying for another jacket.Ā Ā I was confused why he made something so intricate. Did this guy love me?Ā Ā Did I love him?Ā I sat on him and kissed him.Ā Ā He tasted like cigarettes. I started leaving and he asked if I wanted to make babies and I said I already had some.
Jul 16, 2024
This is the photo that I stare at longingly as we talk on the phone. I miss him terribly right now.
We met outside of a funny little bar (Avant-Garde in Ottawa) during a break in sets where everyone was smoking outside. I actually came to see his friendās band but he and his friends were absolutely tearing up the dance floor. I decided to go up and talk to the cute ginger boy (lover boy, Cam) and the goofy guy from the band (Noah) and they told me about a DJ set Noah was doing the next Friday. Cam never got my number so I had to go, obviously. He finally got my instagram (make better choices, ask for their number) that night and I dmed him and asked what he was doing the next day - he was going to read on his balcony. Iād learn later that this man is a very avid reader (love). I asked to join and that was our first date! Heās the first person to ever cook for me, and he even set me up on a chair and with a baguette with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. We dated for the rest of the summer, about two months, then I went back to school in a different city and we parted ways.
He thought weād never talk again but I hit him up whenever I came back to town and even asked if heād like to spend a couple of days cooped up when I was back on winter break. He said yes and we drank wine and watched good movies and ate grapefruits. That weekend together brought us really close.
I wasnāt in Ottawa the next summer but I did spend two weeks completely alone in Kakabeka Falls between forestry contracts in Northern Ontario. Those weeks I called him most days for hours despite us not having really talked in months.
Then I came back to Ottawa for an internship this September. Iāve always been really weird about relationships, so I told him I just wanted to be friends. So we were, but also we would *platonically* share the twin bed I had at the time when it was late and I didnāt want him to spend exorbitant amounts of money getting home.
He actually told me he wanted to be with me in October, but I was scared and said he wasnāt what I wanted. We stayed friends.
December 21st I wanted to go see my favourite local band (Baby Richman) back at Avant-Garde. They have a super psychadelic sound and one of my roommates gave me shrooms to take. I was supposed to go with my other roommate, but she cancelled last minute. Not wanting to lightly trip alone in public, I invited Cam. The night was great, but when the music ended I didnāt want to stay out. I wanted to lie in my soft bed, feel my soft cotton pyjamas, and look up at my twinkly lights. Lying on my bed with Cam, we talked for hours. I cried at how beautifully he described his familyās Christmas traditions. That night I realized just how much I want to be an integral part of his life. We were a year and a half in the making.
He is wonderful. Heās funny, incredibly smart, and inspires me to improve every day. He also always stuck around, despite many efforts to push something so good away. I am so lucky to be reunited with him in July.
May 26, 2025
Backstory: Im crushing so hard on a tattoo artist near my job and am delusionally convinced sheās my soulmate. We coincidentally have matching tattoos of the cover art for faces by mac miller high on the thigh. (for full story go look at my asks)
Update: aightā¦ went to the tattoo shopās 8th anniversary event just to kinda be present and participate in the art community in Puerto Rico bc Iām having trouble finding ppl I relate too and I think I can make friends w them. Didnāt rly get to chat with her much, she was being a little distant and I wasnāt going to corner her or anything. I ended up getting some flash that was super cool. after my tat was finished late that night I went for a walk to shake off the nerves of the pain n shit. Ended up getting a strange feeling to buy a bunch of ice creams for everyone in the tattoo shop party so I walked far as hell and bought like 20-30 ice creams from a 24hr bodega and came back to pass them out to everyone for free. Boom. wonderful success and made so many ppl smile. Now the shop owner n community know me and recognize my chill.
Additionally: I could not get this girl out of my head. Like I never rly date and I fr donāt like talking to girls. Im rly hyper-isolated but itās my own doing. But she Was driving me crazy. I ended up buying her the Book of Mac memoir and planned to give it to her as a gift/tip at our booked tattoo session. I had a feeling that sheād rly like it. But that wasnāt enough. I became manic and over the course of three sessions I made her a mac miller mix. Ive attached it for u all to listen. This mightāve been overkill and I was second guessing it the whole time but I did it anyway because Iām not a pussy.
Finally: get to the tat session and was greeted with a kiss on the cheek (polite and customary for Puerto Ricans but she was rly friendly about it and she initiated). When she finished setting up our station I sit down and pull out the book. Inside the book I had written to: (her name) from: (me) and a short quote from BMO (adventure time) because it kinda just felt right. tell her hey I got this for you, I think I have a crush on you idk, but yeah this is for you. Bruhā¦ she melted. She was like soooooooooooo happy. She had a mask on cuz she was sick but she said underneath she was blushing super hard.
we start the tattoo and I ask if I can just talk to her while she does it. Iām rly shy and not the best at convo but throughout the entire tattoo I just picked her brain to try and get to know her. Bruhā¦ we r so alike. Like mind blowingly alike. Talked about music and movies and clothes. But she was kinda dry and quick w her chatting. It took a while for her to warm up a bit and relax. Plus Iām funny so she was giggling after every other thing I said. Teased her a bit. Flirted a bit. But nothing too heavy. By the end of the tattoo session we were on aux together going back and forth w songs talking about why we like them n stuff. Like at this point I can tell weāre friends. Finally the tat is finished and itās great. Sheās an apprentice and not super experienced but it was exactly what I wanted. As we were saying our goodbyes she thanks me again for the book. I told her I had one more thing to give her but she had to give me her number firstā¦ she freaks out a little bit. I say no pressure obviously, but sheās like āyes pressureā Iām like what?? She gives me her number and gives me a super quick and tight hug. Idk how to describe it but it was like a shy, fast āI need to hug you before anyone seesā hug. as Iām walking out the shop I text her the link to the mix n head home.
I get home, she texts saying thanks for the mix that itās rly cool and thanks again for the book. and thenā¦. She tells me sheās dating someone š„“ and didnāt know how to tell me in person and froze when I asked for her number n if its alright if weāre just friends. I ate that punch, said hey no prob we can be friends, which is totally fine like I fr donāt mind, but the thing is I KNOW MY WHOLE SCHEME WORKED. Like the way she was reacting to me and how comfortable she got and how cool our convo was like I know she recognized how cool I was. And she told me I was rly cool like she texted saying she thinks im cool. So likeā¦ fuck. Idk. and She didnāt even say she has a boyfriend, she just said sheās dating someone so it doesnāt even sound serious. Idk what to do. She didnāt respond to my last text. so this is where we stand. I think I fucked her world up tho. No way sheās not thinking about me now.
What do yall think?
Jul 19, 2024
Top Recs from @steelyfan1998
ā
sometimes you just need to read some real shit straight from the realest person you know .
Feb 24, 2025
šŖ±
Mar 4, 2025
š
I LOVE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS I LOVE THE LIGHT I LOVE GOING FOR A HIKE AFTER WORK AND HOW WATER LOOKS IN THE WARM DUSK THANK YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS----- I HAPPILY SACRIFICE AN HOUR OF SLEEP COME THIS TIME OF THE YEAR WAKING TO THE SUNSHINE JABBING ME EYE----- IF YOU DON'T FUCK WITH DAYLIGHT SAVINGS UNFOLLOW ME I DONT FUCK WITH YOU----- THE GREATEST BETRAYAL OF MY ADULT LIFE WAS WHEN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA VOTED FOR PERMANENT DAY LIGHT SAVINGS ALL THE TIME AND THE COWARDS THAT RUN THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A STATE FAILED TO IMPLEMENT ETERNAL SUMMER
Mar 4, 2025