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this comment is late asf but hi cool person... its a little silly but ever since i was literally in like . 5th grade i kept going "i wanna work at Nintendo and be a concept artist for zelda"! I said it so straightforward and matter of fact. I guess I left an impression on the tutors and teachers around me who constantly heard me talking about my dreams and goals for after elementary school when I was still in elementary, and even me talking about what college I wanted to go to when I was still in middle school. In sixth grade I sent a fan letter to the supposed "address" of Shigeru Miyamoto that I had just looked up on Google and instead got a letter back from "Nintendo of America Fan Mail" or "Customer Services" or something and I was so upset like "THIS ISN'T FROM JAPAN!" LOL
of course Nintendo today isn't what it used to be; doesn't have the same... charm it had when I was a kid and decided I wanted to work there, if you know what I'm talking about. And my dream has... evolved... or changed a lot. But it's still hardcore in the same vein. I want to be an animator. It's been... wow, almost 6 years ago since I fell in love with animation. Like, I've always loved WATCHING animations, but now it's that chill when you see an animation you KNOW is good; some tasty asf key frames, unique timing, smears, respect for animators who gave a certain scene such care... I be like "mmm those inbetweens are tasty asf respect to the animator who actually did all'at" and people will be like "wtf" lmao 💀 Like sorry I'm congratulatimg non PowerPoint animation!! Wait sorry Im going on a rant. Anyways. I still wanna work WITH Nintendo on a Zelda game someday, FOR SURE. Because it was Zelda that inspired me to work professionally as an artist as early as elementary school and I never lost that drive. I also love animating too and am trying to make all of these aspirations happen in a SCARILY cutthroat industry, especially with the recent rise of AI and streaming service popularity - animators have always been stupidly treated as "disposable" and it's getting worse than ever now. I graduated community college with a 2 year degree in animation this past summer (yay!) but after transferring to a hardcore 4 year animation program across the country, and especially after this semester, I have realized the horrifying truth, and experienced it myself that the "industry" is a world where the weak get CULLED, and early on. Even your personality can and will get you culled.
Still, I push on
To quote myself as a kid all those years ago: "If I have to work every day of my life as an adult (which I am now) then the only way I could stand it is if my job is doing what I love!" So, even if people tell me to give up, I won't, for better or worse. It makes me look stupid, and I often wonder: "Why keep going?" But the thing that gets me is imagining what life would look like IF I gave up. What I'd be doing, where I'd be instead. And it's a horrific, unsavory, dreadful scene. So I'll keep going, and it's those dreams that have kept me motivated for so, so long. I know this comment was also. Incredibly long. But actually, thanks for giving me a place to talk about it, since I've been going through a hard time right now... It was great to get it all out. Um... Blessings be with you, slay! :D
Dec 14, 2024
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🪴I’m not going to call this gifted kid burnout which I think is often just a symptom of the popping of the bubble of people’s confused delusions of grandeur because they didn’t realize that gifted education programs are at best a way of giving specialized and individualized education, and at worst a way of achieving legal segregation in schools.
Not to brag, but my therapist who specialized in EMDR therapy for treating people with trauma told me that I had the most difficult childhood of anyone she had ever treated. It was also filled with beauty and I was encouraged in my many skills and pursuits early on, but the inner rot of compounded repeated traumas, keeping secrets, and hiding my suffering eventually took hold.
I was always a good student but as things at home intensified I cared less and less. A teacher noticed this and tried to take advantage of my vulnerable state. This made matters more complicated for me because still to this day he’s my favorite teacher that I ever had; he taught me much of what I know about writing and helped me to develop my skills.
After that, I spent my time in school just coasting along, putting in the minimal amount of effort to no fail. I had no goals or ambition. After graduation, I flitted from service job to service job. I started seeing my therapist and thinking about what I actually wanted to do.
I realized I had one exceptional skill which could be monetized to my advantage and I threw myself into it, grinding to make a living and improve my station in life. This worked and I live in decent material comfort, but I’ve realized the lifestyle I always thought I wanted isn’t what I want at all, so I’m reevaluating that and beginning to explore what that looks like.
There are several different exciting paths of progression my career could take, but I’m also finally working on creative projects for the first time in about a decade, so I’m going to see where life takes me. My best friend tells me I should become certified as a yoga teacher, and going back to school to study psychology and become a therapist would also be tight. I would love to seek a second career.
It took me a long time to get here but I’m trying to actualize and find purpose… Something something Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Not to brag, but my therapist who specialized in EMDR therapy for treating people with trauma told me that I had the most difficult childhood of anyone she had ever treated. It was also filled with beauty and I was encouraged in my many skills and pursuits early on, but the inner rot of compounded repeated traumas, keeping secrets, and hiding my suffering eventually took hold.
I was always a good student but as things at home intensified I cared less and less. A teacher noticed this and tried to take advantage of my vulnerable state. This made matters more complicated for me because still to this day he’s my favorite teacher that I ever had; he taught me much of what I know about writing and helped me to develop my skills.
After that, I spent my time in school just coasting along, putting in the minimal amount of effort to no fail. I had no goals or ambition. After graduation, I flitted from service job to service job. I started seeing my therapist and thinking about what I actually wanted to do.
I realized I had one exceptional skill which could be monetized to my advantage and I threw myself into it, grinding to make a living and improve my station in life. This worked and I live in decent material comfort, but I’ve realized the lifestyle I always thought I wanted isn’t what I want at all, so I’m reevaluating that and beginning to explore what that looks like.
There are several different exciting paths of progression my career could take, but I’m also finally working on creative projects for the first time in about a decade, so I’m going to see where life takes me. My best friend tells me I should become certified as a yoga teacher, and going back to school to study psychology and become a therapist would also be tight. I would love to seek a second career.
It took me a long time to get here but I’m trying to actualize and find purpose… Something something Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
May 26, 2024
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⭐A few days ago, I had the beautiful opportunity of having a short animated film I made screened at a festival. I felt so happy, like my whole body was smiling. I was deeply moved to reconnect with several artists from around the world.
I want to fulfill dreams. I want to be kind. I want to inspire and express myself. I want to look back and thank myself for believing I could create beautiful things.
I don’t want to lose this feeling of wanting to dream.
I’m afraid my soul might disintegrate in my 9-hour-a-day job in a grey office.
I’m afraid of fear itself, or of being affected by things that don’t belong to me.
I want to keep believing there’s something more.
May 7, 2025
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🥽Wow I just wanted to see if I could remember omg sorry for the novel
____
(1-3rd grade) First, I wanted to be a singer/actress combo. Very Hannah Montana inspired. I even made my mom take me to some scammy commercial audition in Philadelphia. Memorized this coco puffs script, and then at the end they just told us I would be a star, only if we signed up for their thousands of dollars of acting classes. LOL.
(3rd-5th grade) Then, I wanted to be a Doctor, a Pediatric Oncologist. My brother had cancer when we were kids, and I’d had medical jargon stuck in my head that I thought would impress adults around me.
(5th-6th grade) Then I had my astronaut phase. That realization that there’s literally nothing cooler. My dad also said he wanted to be an astronaut when he was a kid and I think that inspired this era.
(6-7th grade) Then, kinda major for me, I said I wanted to be an architect at these last day of 5th grade interviews. It was the first thing I could think of that merged art + ‘logistics’ for lack of a better world. And that intersection really intrigued me (foreshadowing).
(8-9th grade) Then, I wanted to be a Magazine Editor. I loved tween mags like Tigerbeat etc, but it was me getting into Vogue - being so inspired by Anna and the world around ‘The September Issue’. Think there was a documentary. My best friend wanted to be a fashion designer. These both came true for us 🥹
(10-12th grade) Then, I wanted to be some kind of corporate business woman. Era of romanticizing the title ‘CEO’.
(First year) Then, and now we’re in college, I wanted to be an ‘international laywer’ crossed with some sort of diplomat. Would have been pretty dope ngl and I loved my degree in IR. But an internship at a law firm turned me off of it and I realized no matter what I a) didn’t want to sit somewhere wishing time away And b) wanted to wear whatever I wanted at work.
(Second year) Then, I remember I told my finsta followers that I wanted to be ‘a creator’ in my career and not have to say anything else. Some sort of Kanye moment of mine.
(Third-Fourth year) Then, another monumental moment was a conscious notion of me saying to people that the career for me was something ‘I don’t know exists yet’. Whatever that era was really worked in my favor, sort of manifested falling into ‘Creative Strategy’ out of college which quite literally, I asked them in my interview what it was.
Loved that gig, am since working across a spectrum of Creative Direction, Production, + Editorial. I think little me would think I was super weird + also be rooting me on 🌹After I’ve wrung out all my creative juices, I also plan to go back to school to become a Therapist in my 60s/70s
(1-3rd grade) First, I wanted to be a singer/actress combo. Very Hannah Montana inspired. I even made my mom take me to some scammy commercial audition in Philadelphia. Memorized this coco puffs script, and then at the end they just told us I would be a star, only if we signed up for their thousands of dollars of acting classes. LOL.
(3rd-5th grade) Then, I wanted to be a Doctor, a Pediatric Oncologist. My brother had cancer when we were kids, and I’d had medical jargon stuck in my head that I thought would impress adults around me.
(5th-6th grade) Then I had my astronaut phase. That realization that there’s literally nothing cooler. My dad also said he wanted to be an astronaut when he was a kid and I think that inspired this era.
(6-7th grade) Then, kinda major for me, I said I wanted to be an architect at these last day of 5th grade interviews. It was the first thing I could think of that merged art + ‘logistics’ for lack of a better world. And that intersection really intrigued me (foreshadowing).
(8-9th grade) Then, I wanted to be a Magazine Editor. I loved tween mags like Tigerbeat etc, but it was me getting into Vogue - being so inspired by Anna and the world around ‘The September Issue’. Think there was a documentary. My best friend wanted to be a fashion designer. These both came true for us 🥹
(10-12th grade) Then, I wanted to be some kind of corporate business woman. Era of romanticizing the title ‘CEO’.
(First year) Then, and now we’re in college, I wanted to be an ‘international laywer’ crossed with some sort of diplomat. Would have been pretty dope ngl and I loved my degree in IR. But an internship at a law firm turned me off of it and I realized no matter what I a) didn’t want to sit somewhere wishing time away And b) wanted to wear whatever I wanted at work.
(Second year) Then, I remember I told my finsta followers that I wanted to be ‘a creator’ in my career and not have to say anything else. Some sort of Kanye moment of mine.
(Third-Fourth year) Then, another monumental moment was a conscious notion of me saying to people that the career for me was something ‘I don’t know exists yet’. Whatever that era was really worked in my favor, sort of manifested falling into ‘Creative Strategy’ out of college which quite literally, I asked them in my interview what it was.
Loved that gig, am since working across a spectrum of Creative Direction, Production, + Editorial. I think little me would think I was super weird + also be rooting me on 🌹After I’ve wrung out all my creative juices, I also plan to go back to school to become a Therapist in my 60s/70s
Jul 7, 2025
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⭐its so hard to even lock in in the first place but its great when u actually get in the zone bc you get so much done... just make sure to keep water and food near you and stretch 😭
ok this is also a way to say hi im still alive (went radio silent for who knows how long) (because this semester is KILLING ME) (THATS WHY I WISH I COULD JUST LOCK IN RN HELPP)
ok this is also a way to say hi im still alive (went radio silent for who knows how long) (because this semester is KILLING ME) (THATS WHY I WISH I COULD JUST LOCK IN RN HELPP)
Dec 1, 2024
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💮it has a distinct scent, different from in any other season and smells so lovely
every time spring rolls around it serves as a reminder to me that the world is still beautiful in some capacity
Apr 11, 2024
Dec 13, 2024