āRather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.ā - Pema Chƶdrƶn
Iāve just lived one of the hardest years of my life. There were many days that I cried or felt numb or found myself praying to an interventionist god I do not believe in. In short, things have sucked.
But there are also good days. Days with a lot of laughter with friends, or cuddles from my cats, or some new piece of art that heals me. Itās not all bad, just as it will never be all good.You have to make peace with this fact because there is no other choice. You donāt have to be happy about all of it, but make peace. Experience all that life has to offer and it will transform you.
āThings falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things donāt really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. Itās just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.ā
Dec 5, 2024
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Firstly, big warm virtual hug. Close your eyes and feel it š«
The book Iām recommending was such a comfort for me in a hard time, and I hope it is for you too.
I donāt want to move too far into Therapy speak but I have to make very clear to you, somebody telling you that you will never be loved is an abusive statement. That is like a curse being placed upon you. That seed is planted in your heart and everything gets filtered through it. And itās not TRUE! ITāS NOT TRUE!!! ITāS NOT TRUE!!! You need to deal with that. And you will. I believe in you.
Nov 4, 2024
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my love and I parted ways a few months ago after our 5th anniversary. has truly been the hardest period of my entire life to slowly pick up the pieces and move on, a process that is nowhere near over even as much as I want it to be.
my biggest piece of advice is to surrender to the pain. donāt let yourself be drawn into anger and hatred, just let the crumbling happen. let the tears flow! talk to your friends about it over and over again. sit in silence with the people you love. fall asleep on the couch once in a while.
donāt bother with āwhyā ā itās a useless question, trust me.
Feb 20, 2025
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honestly it really made me understand my autonomy and the larger role i play in shaping my own life. iām in complete control of the life i want to build and nurture.
life is hardālike, really fucking hardāand thereās no rulebook. weāre all just figuring it out, and thereās no one ārightā way to do it. for me, itās been helpful to focus on my values and what truly makes me happy and/or brings me joy. when do i feel most at peace? what makes me feel loved? how do i stay grounded? so when life inevitably gets toughāand it always doesāi have tools to navigate it and avoid feeling soā¦shitty.
there was a limit to how much i could lean on my support system. donāt get me wrongā my friends, family, and community were so critical for me during this time, but i had to be honest with myself: i needed professional help š
. now, iām here, feeling like i can actually liveāand enjoy life.
ditto to what everyone has said above. sending virtual hugs š©·š«š©·
Dec 4, 2024
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Iām not a parent and do not plan to be. Kids can wear me out fast with their high energy and noise level; it leaves me very over-stimulated. But itās pretty extreme when people say they āhate kidsā and I often feel itās a reflection of their childhood and beliefs around how kids āshould be.ā That they were expected to be quiet, obedient, and out of the way by their parents when they were little.
Itās fucking hard to be a kid. Youāre dealing with a rapidly-changing body and underdeveloped brain, managed by flawed adults who are enforcing boundaries that you do not understand. Itās confusing and hard to manage your feelings and honestly just a lot.
People are impatient with kids when theyāre brand new to the world and figuring it all out, and this is a time kids need a friend the most. Children can also be teachers to adults with how they are less habituated to the world. They teach us how to be free and open-hearted and silly and imaginative.
A good practice is to be kinder and gentler with kids. If that feels difficult, start with gentleness toward your inner child. Maybe thatās the child in your life that needs your attention and kindness most.
2d ago
I meant to post this yesterday. Absolutely beautiful morning for walk.
This morning is also beautiful but in a spring rain kind of way.
Mar 23, 2025
ā§ļø
Prescriptive gender is a prison. Rather than gender being a form of self-expression, gender is treated as a pass/fail test for how well you can conform to cultural expectations.
Since I was young, I remember feeling a great deal of pressure to conform to these expectations around what āmenā are meant to be. You like sports, cars, womanizing, aggression, and not having feelings. I felt so distant from this ideal. I was sensitive and shy, and I preferred spending my time being creative in some way
For a long time, I felt like I was failing at ābeing a man.ā In many ways I was! Because I didnāt need toĀ bea man. All I needed to be was myself.
Itās taken me a long time to separate myself from prescriptive gender, sharpening in on which aspects of masculine energy I identify with and which I donāt. Iām not done yet. Maybe I will never fully be. The self continues to evolve over time, and I suspect aspects of my gender will too.
Mar 15, 2025