sometimes i don't want to feel hungry but food makes me feel gross. if you can drink your calories instead of eating them you can fill up quicker. and you don't have to think as much about the taste. or even chew.
i usually chuck everything into a blender. sometimes i make kits with all the ingredients before i get hungry. i know some folks would call this a smoothie. but you can think of it however you like. maybe it's a soup. maybe it's a stew. maybe it's a salad. who says you can't have a salad in liquid form?
the best part is you can pick and choose ingredients. try to figure out what your body needs. sugar? try fresh or frozen fruit! fat? use up some of that coconut oil you thought would be a good moisturizer! protein? throw in some nuts or dairy. or maybe you like protein powder. i don't. but it doesn't matter.
there are two hacks if you feel extra spicy depressed and need even more help. the first is to plug your nose. don't taste it! it's only going to be in your mouth for a few seconds. and the second? don't look at it! use a water bottle that you can't see the inside of. or just close your eyes. i used to stress about finding the right color. it would come out looking like mud and i would lose my appetite even more. don't do what i did. it doesn't need blueberries or pomegranate seeds or food coloring. if you don't like the way it tastes don't taste it. if you don't like the way it looks don't look at it.
Dec 4, 2024
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your hair falls out. your teeth get yellow and fucked up. your nails weaken and get ugly. you get super cold all the time. your energy gets so low that everyday tasks become extremely difficult.
and you gain all the weight back anyway and then it's ten times harder to lose because you fucked over your metabolism or you die.
i'm speaking from experience. i have starved and i have done crazy shit and i always just gained all of it back. and when i was starving i was so miserable and it just doesn't work long term.
that is harsh but the truth. i'm not going to tell you to not care about the way you look. because everyone cares about that. but the number on the scale is literally irrelevant. you can have two ppl w the exact same weight that look completely different. you yourself can be the same exact weight at different times and look totally different due to muscle/fat ratio. since you say you've let go of the emotional i'm going to keep this advice strictly logical.
when you starve yourself, you trick your body into thinking its in survival mode and then it holds onto fat and lowers your metabolism. you get pushed in a cyclical nature of losing weight and gaining it all back and it gets harder and harder. it doesn't work, has never worked, and just makes you ugly and sad.
the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to stop being scared of calories and instead eat the right ones and the right amount. if you want to fix your metabolism you have to understand calories as a fuel source not as something to be deducted. calories are simply energy. in order to limit your hunger and build muscle, you need enough energy from the right sources.
you need a good combination of protein, fiber, and carbs. you don't need to be perfect lol like i personally dont measure shit bc it's overwhelming and too much work, so just prioritize protein and try to fit in fiber and carbs here and there.
the reason i say to prioritize protein is because that's what builds muscle. building muscle is important even if you don't care about working out because muscle burns fat. when you have more muscle, your metabolism increases and you can eat more because the muscle literally burns the fat and needs more energy (calories).
fiber is important for many health reasons: cholesterol, heart health, bowel movements etc. but since you're still in an ED mindset, the biggest thing for you is that it keeps you full. foods that are high in fiber keep you full for a very very long time. so you can stay in a reasonable caloric deficit without feeling extremely hungry.
carbs. carbs are not your enemy at all. carbs are the body's main fuel source. they give you quick ready to use energy. it also prevents the proteins in your body from being used for energy. so when the body is looking for energy, instead of breaking down the proteins that you want to keep to build muscle the body will use the carbs instead. energy is important because it's what you can use to exercise and live your life.
so, prioritize protein and have a mix of the other two. i think calorie counting can be very triggering and it's easy to get really restrictive with it. so what i did was i had a protein goal (calculated based off my weight) and a fiber goal. i also drink a lot of water and just tried to eat smaller portions. my main issue was i hate food waste and feel a lot of guilt about it. so it's better for me to just start with a smaller plate and add more if im hungry.
speaking of hunger, this next step is essential.
listen to your hunger. do NOT ignore it. if you are hungry, eat. if you are not, don't.
that was the hardest thing for me to do because i always took being hungry as a sign of being skinny. but it completely fucked up my hunger signals and made everything way more difficult. when you are hungry, eat something but just be intentional about what you eat. eat something high in fiber or high in protein. it will tell your body that you aren't in starvation mode and that it is okay to let go of fat. protein bars, yogurts, and fruits are amazing for this. if you continue to not eat when you're hungry then you're fucked. you also don't want to over eat. sometimes when i was stressed or bored, i knew i wasn't hungry but i ate anyway and just made sure to eat something super low calorie. thats a Mistake. because now my body thinks i needed more food and is going to adjust accordingly.
so please, this is the way to healing your relationship with food and understanding that you aren't fighting against your body you need to work WITH it.
next essential step: trust the process.
you have to learn patience and find love in discipline. if you eat the right kinds of foods, listen to your hunger and move your body regularly (literally just walking is so good for weight loss) you Will lose weight. there is so much love in taking care of yourself. there is so much warmth in the discipline of deciding to be good to yourself. you have to get used to slow results because you need to fall in love with the process in order to keep it sustainable.
fall in love with the process and the results will come.
please trust that. it's what changed my life and how i lost 15 pounds and kept it off after 4 years of back and forth disordered eating losing weight and gaining it back.
you also need to remember that your body's purpose isn't to fit a specific standard it's to literally keep you alive. your body is doing it's best every day to keep you alive. once you understand that and feel true gratitude for that, you will really love the process of working with your body.
i have lots of emotional advice i can give but the main logical takeaways:
- starving doesnt work
- stop being scared of calories
- protein, fiber, carbs
- listen to your hunger cues
- trust the process
- patience and love is everything.
specifics:
proteins: meats, tofu, eggs, greek yogurt, lentils, almonds, cottage cheese, black beans, broccoli, cauliflower
fiber: avocado, oats, raspberries, artichoke, pears, apples, strawberries, kiwis etc. othe grains too
carbs: bread, pasta, rice, lentils, chickpeas, etc.
let me know if you have any specific questions. sending you all my love, i know this is a difficult thing to get through.
sending you love and care and patience and strength 💓
Jul 11, 2024
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have been there 100% and have learned its much easier and more humane to yourself to trust your hunger cues rather than ignore them. literally doesn't have to be a huge production either, it can be a few spoonfuls of peanut butter or a piece of cheese or fruit. also it helps to have your choice of little beverage through the day which will keep you hydrated and increase satiety
Jul 18, 2024
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I do have afrid but mine is more mild. a loved one of mine has it more intense than me. I think the best thing to know is that it's often more frustrating than anything. logically we can know food would be delicious or to our taste, or maybe we even liked it before, but we either feel nauseous or just unable to finish it at all. it's not really a choice when it gets worse or what your safe food is, and your safe food can feel embarrassing to have. it feels like your brain is dictating what you can have without your say sometimes.
it helps when others accept that we will have gaps in our nutrition and don't hound us about it. I take multivitamins to try and round it out, but not everyone will want to, and that's okay too. it also helps a lot when meals don't have an assigned food type - like if all I can eat for dinner is crackers, I KNOW I should eat more or "dinner food", but everything else is too much to handle. avoiding sentences like "thats not real food" or "you need more x or y" helps a lot. when we try, we often end up wasting it, making us feel worse.
we generally prefer prepackaged or very processed foods but not always - but whatever the food is, usually having a lot of it stored up is super helpful. sometimes when I don't have any safe food, I use protein shakes to help fill the gap.
I think the hardest part of dealing with it sometimes can be the shame of our food requirements (because we often don't "prefer" them, its all we can tolerate) and guilt of wasting food. malnutrition sucks but really I've found ways around it like nutritional yeast or multivitamins/supplements. I feel like are often unkind to ourselves and it helps to have someone reassure us that what we eat isn't a problem and we can't control this feeling.
I'm glad you're wanting to know more about them. remember they're the best to ask about their own experiences! :)
Apr 6, 2025
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my therapist told me i should read this book. i dismissed it because it was categorized as self-help. i was expecting it to tell me that my material conditions would go away if i changed my attitude. the neoliberal ideology that makes this genre so harmful. but i tried and i found it really really useful!
the thesis of the book is that you don't need to obey your thoughts and feelings or struggle against them. you can accept and acknowledge them without making them control you. this approach helped me reconceptualize what was going on inside my head. i don't think i ever would have figured this out on my own. there's also exercises that you can try. think trial and error. you just need to find one that works for you.
not everything in this book will apply to everyone. depending on your material conditions it might be a waste of time. there are valid reasons to hate your life. in those situations you should try to change your life and not your attitude. but if you are just looking for a new attitude this could be useful.
one concept i found really helpful was listening to the voice in your head like an anxious older relative. they have good intentions and are very concerned about you. but they're not always right or reasonable. and when they are it doesn't mean you have to listen to them. just laugh and say thanks. i know you are trying to be helpful. but i don't need your advice right now. then go and live your life how you want to.
Dec 4, 2024
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pharmacist is such a funny job. you spend years in school drowning in debt. and your reward? entitled boomers yelling at you. like being a service worker who doesn't get tips. i have a butt load of prescriptions so i am at the pharmacy a lot. when i don't have to wait a long time i am on cloud nine. when i do have to wait a long time i remember that they are busy and i am not the main character. either way i always thank them. sometimes i tell them i appreciate their hard work. especially if i see another customer disrespecting them.
i feel the same way about librarians. they are so passionate about books and learning. but most of their time is spent like the pharmacist dealing with entitled members of the public. i used to go to my local library to get homework done. i sat in the corner with headphones on bc autism/anxiety and didn't talk to anyone. now i don't go as much but whenever i do. if i see one of the library staff and they are not currently talking to anyone. i ask them a simple question that i know they know the answer to. and thank them for their hard work.
my goal is to get to know these people on a first name basis. i don't want to take up too much of their time when they are on the clock. but i want them to know who i am and how much i treasure them. so that when they see me coming in they feel a sense of relief. they know it will be a positive interaction. save your anger for the people who deserve it.
Dec 7, 2024