Whatās the voice thatās impatient? Is it YOU? Or maybe a younger you? Or maybe a caregiver? Or maybe an embodiment of cultural standards?
What does the wiser part of you look like? Is it YOU? Is it a character? Human or animal? Or PLANT?! Or PLANET?!
Sometimes, we need to allow the feelings and thoughts fully out. Sometimes we need to identify where they come from. Sometimes we need to comfort them with the wiser side of us. Sometimes we need the wiser side of us to tell it to fuck off.
Sometimes we donāt need to do all that. All the time though, we need to remember that nothing is forever. We take action where we can. We go step by step, moment by moment. We give space for enjoyment of things. We give ourselves lots of love and grace, and allow ourselves to daydream of a future where things look different.
Sep 24, 2024
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Working on this is gonna be life changing for you, for real. Thereās two things going on here though:
The outer, which is your parents. Youāll have to learn how to set boundaries with them, which ideally are kind but firm. The pushier they are, the more firm you may have to be. It may be that you intentionally donāt involve them in things if you know they are not going to be able to respect that youāre an adult that makes his own decisions. Time will tell with that. The goal is for you to learn to trust yourself enough that you can hear them out, consider their opinion, and then make your own decision with that in mind. Which leads me to the Inner.
Our parents or caretakers voice becomes our own. I am going to assume that you have taken on their worry when making decisions. Even if you never spoke to them again, you would still have to do the work within yourself to learn to trust yourself and your instinct. Part of this is practicing. Learning how to calm yourself and regulate when youāre feeling that come up. You are going to make mistakes and make the wrong decision, but that is important in learning. You donāt have to be perfect. Practice discerning what is YOUR voice, and what is your parents voice. A therapist can be really helpful in guiding this process.
Overall, these are skills that you are both unlearning and learning. It will take time. If I can think of some books that may help, Iāll comment them.
Sep 14, 2024
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What do feel? Where in your body are you carrying your emotions?
Many of our patterns are learned behaviors that have helped us get our needs met. Maybe they were behaviors that were better suited for a different environment (like our childhoods), or maybe they have helped us get our needs met a little bit but not in the best or most fulfilling way.
First, it helps to know what our needs are so we can connect them to our patterns/behaviors, and our needs reveal themselves in our feelings.
Iām a major intellectualizer of my feelings. I can articulate the problems and my motivations and many of the root causes of those problems, but then my therapist would ask āHow are you feeling right now?ā and Iād have no idea. I would have to *think* about it rather than sit with my body and feel it.
Learning to check in with myself helps me to get a clearer picture of what I need. That might start with my physical sensations. Am I tired and need rest? Am I hungry and need food? It can also be about naming emotions. Am I anxious and reassurance? Am I lonely and need connection? Am I feeling overwhelmed and need space?
Donāt talk yourself out of what youāre feeling. Not all feelings are capital-T true, especially as they relate to the external world, but all feelings contain truths to what you need and can bring you closer to taking new and potentially healthier actions.
Nov 28, 2024
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Ask for advice.
One benefit of asking for adviceāespecially from people whose lives and choices you respectāis that you get to observe the situation or decision from totally different perspectives and different sets of values.
You aren't asking them to make the decision for you, nor would you want that. It needs to be yours entirely. But more wise voices (within reasonable limits) may help you see with more clarity and rise above your biases.
Consider asking for advice from people you respect but who you think may tell you what you don't want to hear. No need to be afraid of that. The choice is still yours.
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Also, I pay attention to my inner life: where are my emotions at as I imagine the different choices? Is there a particular lack of peace or anxiety with one or the other? That's good information.
Oct 22, 2024
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For some reason this brings me into my parasympathetic nervous system
Mar 28, 2025
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OH BROTHER THIS GUY actually needs a lot of empathy and understanding
Apr 2, 2025
Breaking my very thin, almost non existent air of mystery because I got a haircut I actually like, my favorite jeans fit again, itās a full moon eclipse, 70Ā°, and both of my kidsā birthdays are today!! MAGIC IS REAL AND I AM FULL OF LOVE! š ššššš
Mar 14, 2025