Working on this is gonna be life changing for you, for real. Thereâs two things going on here though:
The outer, which is your parents. Youâll have to learn how to set boundaries with them, which ideally are kind but firm. The pushier they are, the more firm you may have to be. It may be that you intentionally donât involve them in things if you know they are not going to be able to respect that youâre an adult that makes his own decisions. Time will tell with that. The goal is for you to learn to trust yourself enough that you can hear them out, consider their opinion, and then make your own decision with that in mind. Which leads me to the Inner.
Our parents or caretakers voice becomes our own. I am going to assume that you have taken on their worry when making decisions. Even if you never spoke to them again, you would still have to do the work within yourself to learn to trust yourself and your instinct. Part of this is practicing. Learning how to calm yourself and regulate when youâre feeling that come up. You are going to make mistakes and make the wrong decision, but that is important in learning. You donât have to be perfect. Practice discerning what is YOUR voice, and what is your parents voice. A therapist can be really helpful in guiding this process.
Overall, these are skills that you are both unlearning and learning. It will take time. If I can think of some books that may help, Iâll comment them.
Sep 14, 2024
Related Recs
đ
I contemplate these questions often, I feel like one conclusion I have come to is learning to trust myself first. Obviously sometimes that means you could be wrong, but when you listen to yourself - in your heart & in your gut - it has the answers more often than not. Sometimes that takes going through new experiences and learning new things about yourself. Allowing it to look like whatever it needs to look like. Some say utilizing stillness will help, but for others it may be chaos that helps to gather the insight and wisdom you seek.
Apr 6, 2024
đ¤
Whatâs the voice thatâs impatient? Is it YOU? Or maybe a younger you? Or maybe a caregiver? Or maybe an embodiment of cultural standards?
What does the wiser part of you look like? Is it YOU? Is it a character? Human or animal? Or PLANT?! Or PLANET?!
Sometimes, we need to allow the feelings and thoughts fully out. Sometimes we need to identify where they come from. Sometimes we need to comfort them with the wiser side of us. Sometimes we need the wiser side of us to tell it to fuck off.
Sometimes we donât need to do all that. All the time though, we need to remember that nothing is forever. We take action where we can. We go step by step, moment by moment. We give space for enjoyment of things. We give ourselves lots of love and grace, and allow ourselves to daydream of a future where things look different.
Sep 24, 2024
đ
Wow, I find this quite fascinating.
"For Seth Kopald, parts work was key to taming his anxiety, as he began to recognize that it stemmed from fears of feeling unloved in childhood.
With IFS, he could now acknowledge the hurt child within, and begin to unburden from the pain and shame.
âThereâs a big difference between, âI am the anxiety and fear versus I am here with the fear, Iâm here with the anxiety,ââ he says. And in that realization his natural state of âconfidence, courage and compassionâ resurfaced. âIt's almost like I have a new operating system now,â Kopald says.
So, if youâre dealing with stress â around relationships, tragedy, or any life challenge â you may want to learn more about parts work."
https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/10/25/nx-s1-5055753/parts-work-therapy-internal-family-systems-anxiety
Oct 27, 2024
Top Recs from @mossyelfie
May 31, 2025
đ
Humans have always danced. It is part of who we are, yet we have been conditioned to be self conscious, to think that we do not move our bodies good enough. Dancing is beyond judgement. Dancing is not a skill, it is our soul moving through our bodies, expressed in movement. Dancing is healing. Dancing is bodily autonomy. Dancing is FUN! Any feeling you are feeling can be moved through with dance yet even alone, you fear looking foolish. Kill the judge in your mind, shut the fuck up, and MOVE đ
Apr 24, 2025
In Tarot, The Fool is the first card in the Major Arcana, which represents the life cycle. These cycles we are continuously going through in our lives, not just once. The final card of the Major Arcana is The World (which I have tattooed very large on my thigh), which signifies the completion of a cycle and natural ascension into the next. We are then thrust back into the Fool, with a bit more wisdom.
The Fool as an archetype is one of joy, curiosity, spontaneity, and trust. The Fool is pure of heart, knowing that the Universe has got their back. This innate trust allows The Fool to be playful, to take risks, and truly believe everything will work out. The more we go through life and experience loss, grief, heartache, trauma, the harder it becomes to embrace this energy. Iâve found that as healing goes on, just as itâs shown in tarot, we return to this natural state of being. We start off as The Fool when we are wee little babies, and if we are lucky can return there a few cycles at a time, with more wisdom gained each time. Â
The goal of The Fool is to have positive experiences, maybe for fun, maybe to grow. There is an acceptance with The Fool, a kind of âthis is what is, how can I make this work well for me?â Everything works out for The Fool because they donât know it canât. Anything we go through in life, we can use to grow. I personally believe we all could benefit embracing the archetypal energy of The Fool a bit more. The Fool doesnât stop to worry what other people will think! The Fool does not fret about what ifâs! The Fool is in the moment!
6d ago