Working on this is gonna be life changing for you, for real. There’s two things going on here though:
The outer, which is your parents. You’ll have to learn how to set boundaries with them, which ideally are kind but firm. The pushier they are, the more firm you may have to be. It may be that you intentionally don’t involve them in things if you know they are not going to be able to respect that you’re an adult that makes his own decisions. Time will tell with that. The goal is for you to learn to trust yourself enough that you can hear them out, consider their opinion, and then make your own decision with that in mind. Which leads me to the Inner.
Our parents or caretakers voice becomes our own. I am going to assume that you have taken on their worry when making decisions. Even if you never spoke to them again, you would still have to do the work within yourself to learn to trust yourself and your instinct. Part of this is practicing. Learning how to calm yourself and regulate when you’re feeling that come up. You are going to make mistakes and make the wrong decision, but that is important in learning. You don’t have to be perfect. Practice discerning what is YOUR voice, and what is your parents voice. A therapist can be really helpful in guiding this process.
Overall, these are skills that you are both unlearning and learning. It will take time. If I can think of some books that may help, I’ll comment them.
Sep 14, 2024
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I contemplate these questions often, I feel like one conclusion I have come to is learning to trust myself first. Obviously sometimes that means you could be wrong, but when you listen to yourself - in your heart & in your gut - it has the answers more often than not. Sometimes that takes going through new experiences and learning new things about yourself. Allowing it to look like whatever it needs to look like. Some say utilizing stillness will help, but for others it may be chaos that helps to gather the insight and wisdom you seek.
Apr 6, 2024
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What’s the voice that’s impatient? Is it YOU? Or maybe a younger you? Or maybe a caregiver? Or maybe an embodiment of cultural standards?
What does the wiser part of you look like? Is it YOU? Is it a character? Human or animal? Or PLANT?! Or PLANET?!
Sometimes, we need to allow the feelings and thoughts fully out. Sometimes we need to identify where they come from. Sometimes we need to comfort them with the wiser side of us. Sometimes we need the wiser side of us to tell it to fuck off.
Sometimes we don’t need to do all that. All the time though, we need to remember that nothing is forever. We take action where we can. We go step by step, moment by moment. We give space for enjoyment of things. We give ourselves lots of love and grace, and allow ourselves to daydream of a future where things look different.
Sep 24, 2024
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Wow, I find this quite fascinating.
"For Seth Kopald, parts work was key to taming his anxiety, as he began to recognize that it stemmed from fears of feeling unloved in childhood.
With IFS, he could now acknowledge the hurt child within, and begin to unburden from the pain and shame.
“There’s a big difference between, ‘I am the anxiety and fear versus I am here with the fear, I’m here with the anxiety,’” he says. And in that realization his natural state of “confidence, courage and compassion” resurfaced. “It's almost like I have a new operating system now,” Kopald says.
So, if you’re dealing with stress — around relationships, tragedy, or any life challenge — you may want to learn more about parts work."
https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/10/25/nx-s1-5055753/parts-work-therapy-internal-family-systems-anxiety
Oct 27, 2024
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For some reason this brings me into my parasympathetic nervous system
Mar 28, 2025
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FINDING SOMEONE ANNOYING AND IMMEDIATELY REALIZING IT’S BECAUSE THEY REMIND YOU OF YOUR YOUNGER SELF
OH BROTHER THIS GUY actually needs a lot of empathy and understanding
Apr 2, 2025
Breaking my very thin, almost non existent air of mystery because I got a haircut I actually like, my favorite jeans fit again, it’s a full moon eclipse, 70°, and both of my kids’ birthdays are today!! MAGIC IS REAL AND I AM FULL OF LOVE! 💗 💗💗💗💗💗
Mar 14, 2025