Yeah I relate I think a lot of people can or at least I assume so because I also think it’s impossible to go through life and not see just how massive it is. How much we are forever to wonder about , apart from but humanity is obsessed with taming the world. I do think it’s strange to have the thoughts early, I was also about 9 or 8 when I really focused on death and how limited our time here is. What really got me was the suns death, the mention of all earth being consumed stuck in my head and I just couldn’t imagine there being a reason to live. No matter how acclaimed you are, how big your tomb, how long your name has been spoken you'll be consumed. I haven’t read Kant but I have read and discussed absurdism and that’s personally what gets me through. There is nothing written and the world is indifferent has become a mantra of comfort for me. I still struggle to accept some realities about death but with work I hope to get over it.