Meeting people in large group settings definitely helps, i find theres a very natural pull feeling to people that are similar to me and its wayyy more noticeable when im not hanging out with people who ive known forever.
Turns out almost everything i thought was unique to me could be distilled into a list of đ«symptomsđ«.
Ive alway seen myself as a drifter/chameleon type, i think my brain just resents ever being able to be defined or labelled or categorized.
That was disjointed but hope that helps, maybe that made sense to you and you are a little more understood now :))
Jul 18, 2024
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i think a lot of undiagnosed neurodivergent people spend their lives trying to live authentically, facing rejection, then trying to conform unsuccessfully - now that neurodiversity is less stigmatized, getting diagnosed feels like a weight off your shoulders because you understand that you werenât just âunexplainably weird / bad / wrongâ, you have a condition that can be âtreatedâ / âsymptomsâ can be mitigated, and instead of shooting in the dark trying to change things about yourself until youâre accepted, you can work in a specific direction to get some kind of support towards living more authentically because you know something about yourself you didnât know before
i think that youâre right and ultimately autism, adhd, etc. are names for sets of characteristics that are different from an arbitrary norm set by white supremacy and capitalism, but coming to terms with that takes some time when those conditions exerted such pressure on you and you didnât know you could discount the system because you didnât know it applied to you. i feel like at least for me, after getting over the frustration of being undiagnosed with adhd (which is different than autism specifically) it became a less meaningful part of my identity, but that couldnât happen until i processed how much of my life was informed by that fact without me even knowing
Mar 28, 2024
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I dont know what itâs like to not be neuro divergent.It manifests in ways that areâŠinconvenient.  Anti social, stand-offish, scattered, frsutrated, over explaining, self doubting, perfection paralysisâŠet al.One of the reasons I love what I do is because I can actually show people what Iâm thinkingâŠthrough images, fabrics, productâŠthings that are tangible and tactile and the conversation becomes much easier.Thereâs a block in my brain in which the words are in my head, but the ability to communicate them is hard to get out of my mouth.I have to work on this every single day to keep the non ideal aspects of this at bay.  Iâve been responsible for large teams and have worked within publicly traded companies for 20 years, so the ability to communicate clearly with concise intentions is vital.These are all things associated with ADD, but the understanding of this by people that donât experience it first hand is minimal.  Itâs not about being scattered or flakey.  Itâs so much more deeply complex.Simple tasks to most people present  themselves as heavy left obstacles to me.Every day, it takes monumental effort to pull up and put my game face on.  However, the upside to how my brain operates (I canât speak for others) is that I get incredibly plugged into what Iâm passionate about.Iâm so fortunate and grateful to have found that outlet in a creative field that brings me joy and a sense of accomplishmentâŠand I get to work with amazing people who are equally passionate.So whoever is out there that experiences thisâŠI see you and I feel you.Get up.  Brush your teeth.  Get dressed.  Regularly push yourself outside your comfort zone and follow your inner compass because it will tell you deep in your guts what youâre capable of doing.Also, a dog is wonderful at soothing this condition.
Jun 13, 2024
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what I mean by this is that time is lost on trying to find the perfect label for something. weâre just so complex that we donât always fit into a label and thatâs ok. even though a spectrum of possibilities can fall under different labels, some people forget that, and the way we interpret them is different. therefore, itâs easier to follow someoneâs personal explanations and actions rather than trying to simplify it for your own convenience/benefit. Iâm putting so much emphasis on this because I struggled with whether or not to call myself asexual and I wasted so much time with that identity. now Iâm just satisfied with knowing my personal experience, and once I explain it, people can call it what they want to. that goes for my struggles with my other identities as well. I realized that Iâm more than just a list of labels, and that Iâm constantly changing, which I appreciate profoundly.
May 21, 2025
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I was travelling from tokyo to vancouver solo and had a 1 night pit stop in LA. When I got settled in to the hostel it was like 10pm and almost everything was closed so i went to get in-n-out. Afterwards I wandered over to the pier and end up talking to a bunch of old heads who'd just left the closing bar. Friendly dudes, I end up smoking weed w them and playing chess and listening to jazz with this one dude who does street chess hustling (he's wearing all white and plays on abbot kinney boulevard iykyk) until like 4am, at which point he tells me usually just finds a couch to sleep on. Being the totally naive and no self preservation having person I am, I realize I have the hostel room with 2 beds (I am exhausted from travelling and wanted a non-dorm night) and tell him that of course he can crash on the other bed. I tell myself if he wanted to assault me or take my money or any number of nasty things he would have done it already. Anyway, he doesn't murder me in my sleep and take all my belongings, and we both go about our lives. If/when I go back to LA I'm gonna try find him again.
Jul 5, 2024
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Know that if you like my rec I will stalk you and admire your snazzy personal website/blog.
Jul 22, 2024