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I always wanted to die clean and pretty But I'd be too busy on working days So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted I couldn't have changed anyways I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy Goodbye
Jun 20, 2024

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i was listening to this song on soundcloud and reading the comments and one of them said ā€˜god i want this to be played at my funeral’. since then i haven’t felt the same whenever i listen to it. maybe it’s because the lyrics are what i’m scared the end will be like, or because it’s slow enough that i won’t be rushing through all the memories.
i wrote a substack post about this. cos i can never shut up lol.
Dec 23, 2024
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I’ve thought about this waaaaay too much.
at the end of my movie, im old, completely alone, and dying of lung cancer. in the hospital, my heart flatlines. The nurse has left the room, busy with other patients. No one notices I’ve died.
This song starts playing. the credits start rolling over the following scene:
cut to me on a vast, empty road somewhere in rural idaho. a border collie leads me down the vacant road. she runs back and forth across the road, barking at me, telling me to keep following her. we are utterly free. no one but the two of us. i smile.
Jul 19, 2024
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I caught a cold earlier this week and decided to ignore its subtle, yet deleterious and lingering effects on my body. On the fourth day (yesterday), after high-intensity training and taking two capsules of psilocybin, I decided to drive to the local cafĆ© to put in some more work. I’d been listening to this song all day—my head was rolling. If there was ever a moment that I’d felt closer to damnation, it was when I walked into the building and wished for complete annihilation. This isn’t anything new—I’ve experienced these episodes on and off since I was a child. But something about this particular bout made me realize I should be grateful, judge less, and have mercy. I called loved ones to tell them how sorry I was for words I’d said and actions I committed that may have hurt them—almost as a final act of salvation before my ultimate oblivion. I met Lucifer at the bleeding edge, shrieked into the void—with one last gesture of love, forgiveness, and meaning—and anchored myself back to earth. — This song is something potent!
Apr 25, 2025

Top Recs from @gabbylinder

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this summer, we’re starting yoga, we’re learning a new language (being bilingual is now the standard, you need to know at least three to be truly chic), we’re going to concerts just because the tickets were cheap, we’re going to museums (especially the weird ones), hitting up the local library to ask for new recommendations, whether it’s a surprise or based on past tastes, we’re painting, collecting and collaging, sewing and embroidering our clothes, re-learning the harmonica, playing chess with strangers online and at the cafĆ©, we’re taking up tennis and pretending it’s not just because of challengers. the only way to find what brings you joy is to try.
May 19, 2024
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full of bread and wine and guilt
Jun 11, 2024
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I had to go to Greenwood Cemetery for a class last semester, and many famous people like Leonard Bernstein and Jean-Michel Basquiat are buried there, but I stumbled upon this woman’s grave that read ā€œFORTUNATE DESPERATE TRUSTFULā€ and I was so upset by the idea of someone putting desperate on my grave that I had to look her up. her name was Eleonora Duse, apparently she was often known as just Duse (so chic), she was an amazing Italian actress, muse, and, importantly, was involved in numerous lesbian love affairs. I think it’s in many ways much more respectful to learn about the people you pass by, rather than just letting them go on unacknowledged and unknown.