of course, don’t actually watch this expecting a good time. I wasn’t expecting art or anything but if you want to see how much nothing $215 million will buy you, this is the way to go.
I promise you it is so much fucking worse than you’re expecting lol
Jun 20, 2024
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Please save your money and time
This is the worst movie I’ve ever seen and they paid 200 million dollars to make it which could have fed countless people
It looks so bad and I can’t even imagine how much Samuel L jackson got paid
im generally pretty positive about movies and enjoy at least some aspects of most but this is genuinely awful
Feb 10, 2024
it was a tough battle between this and ready player one but at the end of the day this movie is the single worst theater experience i’ve ever had. so, so, *so* stupid, but *so* convinced of its own cleverness and profundity. zack snyder is such an instinctually fascist filmmaker but he‘s too fucking stupid to weave his savage impulses into a coherent worldview, so everything he makes is just two hours of The Most Serious Guys In the World doing their best punisher impression while saying the dumbest shit you’ve ever heard in your life.
i had seen bad movies before this, but i had never seen a movie in theaters that was bad enough that it was able to totally overwhelm the natural aura bonus a film gets from being screened in one. was a valuable flashpoint in my cultural development and maybe fundamentally shattered any interest i had in superhero movies until into the spiderverse
3d ago
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do you really need to go see the minecraft movie? you know it’s bad. like, not even bad-but-redeemably-funny. it’s uninspired product placement propped up by celebrity and strung together by a plot just coherent enough to present the references that rile up the fans. you know the memes already, you’re not missing out on some cultural moment because you didn’t see the rest of the hour-and-a-half around Jack Black saying “chicken jockey.”
if you like minecraft that much (and I love minecraft), maybe you gather your friends for a LAN server night instead of paying for a ticket and putting a body in a seat and giving even a modicum of validation to the corporate film studio executive’s intuition that the masses are content to consume high production value slop from a media trough. start a realm, get blown up by a creeper, fight the ender dragon, listen to one of the best video game soundtracks of all time. don’t spend $30+ on tickets and drinks and snacks to sit in a theater and watch something you will not enjoy. in this economy, the most valuable things we have are our time, attention, and connections. don’t squander these things on a piece of media designed only to profit from a sentimental attachment to a game which provides a complete and much richer experience in and of itself.
1d ago
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Mar 20, 2025
returning a stack of library books and stumbling upon the library book sale? right as it opens?? for free will donation????? 😮💨😮💨
Aug 15, 2024
(minor spoilers, I guess?)
a few long take bangers in this film, but the battle scene near the end is so goddamn good. follow Clive Owen and the pregnant young woman in his care as they get caught in a skirmish between two warring factions. Cuarón is the best.
Jul 13, 2024