inner city child of rural island immigrants grows up in the smallest coastal state. taken in by college kids at 13, spends adolescence masquerading as an adult (destined to spend adulthood masquerading as an adolescent). trades dream of tattoo artist rockstar for college. plays pretend well. graduates to world traveling design consultant. never rooted. loses it, but finds it again. discovers happiness is not fleeting. returns to self to avenge childhood dreams.
Related Recs
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So I'm up. Thinking and feeling this unsettling feeling of how I'm not made for this place. It's comfortable, but doesn't feel mine. I want, I need to be in a bigger, better place. Ever since I was a child (who grew up in a teeny tiny town), I've always known I'm made for a bigger place(outside this country), and now that I've grown up and moved to a bigger city(in the same country, unfortunately) I can't help but feel this dread of not being able to ever experience the life I wanted. I've grown up watching all these shows on disney and HBO and everything that showed me what life outside my country is like, and I've wanted nothing more than to experience it. But what if I never get to do it? I'm in my mid twenties already. I need neeeed to experience that life. I'm filled with this dread, but also there's something calling to me. I know in my gut that I'm made for bigger things and that this is not it. I'm waiting for things to fall into place for me. I hope one day I come back and look at this post and comment "I made it".
Mar 22, 2025
šŗ
this recās about life. i think im thinking back on how creativity & exploration were way bigger in my life back in childhood, not stressin around towards certain goals, rushing blindly w an idea of importance. thereās a bit of senselessness to the everyday, somedays either seeming like stayin behind partly closed eyes or like being chased by a big >something< thatās CATCHING UP.
main quest life quickly becomes a task list.
embracing side quest life, discovering and taking back time. do less important stuff (itās not important) and more fun stuff, letting it take its time. maybe thereās something bigger hidden there than the main story line could ever hold š«
May 13, 2024
š
Not that anyone will care, but to understand me you have to understand this:
I was raised by Christian Protestant fundamentalists, the youngest of 4 by 10 years. Although I resent the church and the theology I desperately tried to make myself believe, I am grateful for their teachings of serving and loving others, even if they contradicted themselves when they told me to fear the evil nature of humanity.
I was named after my grandma, who lived with me for 11 years of my childhood and remained ever trusting and kind as she fell victim to dementia. By the time I was 8 my parents seemed to have tired from raising 4 kids and intensively caring for a 90 year old woman, and I was free to bike miles across town to the library unsupervised, and patch myself up when I fell and bled, and lock myself in my room to read every spare hour of the day. I would read while I ate breakfast, I would read while brushing my teeth, I would read and I wouldnāt hear it if someone called my name. I discovered the internet soon after and unfortunately the curiosities it offered won out over literature. When the internet taught me I wouldnāt live forever in heaven under the tree of life with Teddy Roosevelt and my grandpa, I was on my own to process and panic and pretend to pray.
My family came from Norway, across Canada, down to Northern Idaho to work in the lumber yards, and finally to Oregon when starvation wages hit the shop teachers. My mom grew up on elk tongue sandwiches and I was never allowed to leave a plate full.
I always struggled with friendships, not because people didnāt like me but because I have a tendency for isolating myself. The people I love most tend to be strange and upfront and vulnerable. And I do love my family, but more than anything I want to be independent and meet many strange and upfront people who will lead me to adventure. I am almost 20 and I am an artist. I have no tattoos and I am reckoning with my potential.
Feb 28, 2025
Top Recs from @mikzaga
šæ
music junkie? into niche sounds? compelled to scream your insufferable sonic opinions into the void? love to quantify your loosely held beliefs with obscure meaningless metrics?
AOTY is a great way to discover, ponder, and ruminate on music of all kinds.
this is another āCORNERS OF THE INTERNET THAT DONT FILL YOU WITH ANGUISH AND DESPAIRā
Apr 16, 2024
i could be in a k-hole and this song would reboot the matrix and shock me straight to 90hp
Apr 16, 2024