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So I'm up. Thinking and feeling this unsettling feeling of how I'm not made for this place. It's comfortable, but doesn't feel mine. I want, I need to be in a bigger, better place. Ever since I was a child (who grew up in a teeny tiny town), I've always known I'm made for a bigger place(outside this country), and now that I've grown up and moved to a bigger city(in the same country, unfortunately) I can't help but feel this dread of not being able to ever experience the life I wanted. I've grown up watching all these shows on disney and HBO and everything that showed me what life outside my country is like, and I've wanted nothing more than to experience it. But what if I never get to do it? I'm in my mid twenties already. I need neeeed to experience that life. I'm filled with this dread, but also there's something calling to me. I know in my gut that I'm made for bigger things and that this is not it. I'm waiting for things to fall into place for me. I hope one day I come back and look at this post and comment "I made it".
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@TOOFLYMCFLY trueeee. My next post is going to be my bank account details with lots of encouragement for people to donate to this good cause.
we’ll be young for a long time, my friend. people like you and me especially I think, in a good way.
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I left for a while to go on a study abroad experience. The more time passes after The Thing, the less life makes sense. I'm trying to get back to the people I used to know, to get back into the routine I had, the things I used to think.
But somehow EVERYTHING about and around me is different and I don't understand ANYTHING. My body is different, my time isn't the same and somehow even my thought process has changed.
I came back home expecting familiarity and warmth, and surprise, the world has obviously moved on (as I did) and nothing is the same, except all that is. Maybe not understanding everything I thought I had already integrated is part of growing up, I feel as if I'm shedding old skin to make room for new one, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared, confused, and generally don't really get the concept of time passing.
I never used to get when people said they wanted the world to stop for a second, because that wasn't me, I wanted more, faster, more, all of it. Now I get it. Let me lay here for a moment and not think about anything.
☆lookaliveodette!!!!!!☆
Feb 26, 2025
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my coworker has been trying to get me to quit my job and move. he travels a lot and is only passing through til he can get enough money to go to whatever’s next. he‘s really upfront about why he does what he does but he’s also very genuine in connecting with the people around him. he‘s really into seeing the world in all different perspectives and nothing’s that serious to him besides his music. he just takes opportunities when theyre given to him.
we work a lot of late nights and both of us seem to be prone to conversations about The World and Humanity and all that. but where he’s been going with this is very boldly telling me im wasting my time and need to find some direction. every shift i work with him he’s telling me to just do it. move and work it out later. figure out some direction.
if im being honest (which i do recommend) i’m petrified. and i haven’t even begun to work out why that is, when i know i’m not living up to my potential. i have to stop trying to plan out these life changes i’m trying to make, big and small, and just start fucking doing it. if it works it works, if it doesn’t then i’ll figure it out.
i kinda burnt out around 20. i dropped out of college and worked a couple jobs i hated and that’s about it. i dated my high school sweetheart until 4 days before my 25th birthday last november. ive been trying to find my footing as not only an adult but an individual with an identity outside of the person they were in a relationship with, or the job they have. and again, if i’m being honest, i’m petrified to face all the time ive wasted doing absolutely nothing with my life.
i don’t want the tone of this to feel abysmal; i love my life and the people in it. i’m beyond fortunate for the experiences ive had and the love i have. i’m just so ready for change and this coworker has me thinking i should just go for it. yeah, i need to save up a little money. but i can buckle down and having the goal of moving to another state is a good reason to stop wasting so much of it on pointless stuff.
anyway, it’s 2:39am and i have to brush my teeth and go to bed. it was was a long night at work but tomorrow im gonna thank my coworker for the quarter life crisis he keeps explicitly encourages me to have. i won’t tell him i cried a little after he told me it’s sad i still work at this job, but i needed to hear that. someone needed to be honest with me
Apr 1, 2025
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inner city child of rural island immigrants grows up in the smallest coastal state. taken in by college kids at 13, spends adolescence masquerading as an adult (destined to spend adulthood masquerading as an adolescent). trades dream of tattoo artist rockstar for college. plays pretend well. graduates to world traveling design consultant. never rooted. loses it, but finds it again. discovers happiness is not fleeting. returns to self to avenge childhood dreams.
Apr 22, 2024
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Idk what it is about this app, either people are actually good at expressing themselves and their thoughts through words (which I can't for the life of me do), or maybe it's just this app with its font and the looks that makes every post here look poetic and captivating or something deeply intelligent lol
Jan 24, 2025