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there’s so many customers I’m beginning to think it’s one great amalgamation- a hive mind, rat king style.
my theory is they‘re all controlled by the robotic screens that scream cleANING YOUR PATIO CAN BE BACK-BREAKING WORK! I swear to god and no one will believe me but before they were turned on this morning one said HELLO or quite possibly HELp to me
and if you do plan on pilfering: can you please start with the hedgehog plant pots that almost definitely have the souls of disturbed children trapped in them. cheers.
Mar 30, 2024
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if my employer sees this- this is just a joke! but also- free plants ❤️ the pothos is safe w me
1d ago
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I’ve been a horrible father, sometimes you just need the reminder.
“Oh yeah .. when did I last water them?”
*the quick panic takes over*
“oh god they must be BEGGING!”
Sep 12, 2024
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Logic can't take ya the whole way baby. Some of my customers ask me the silliest questions (Yes, plants generally need sunlight in order to grow)
May 14, 2025
Top Recs from @gilbert
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your boss appears on screen and says “walk with me.” he shows you the new outdoor signs. >“wow they look great!”< / “have they ever seen a spirit level?” +5 points! you remembered he has low self esteem! he says “move every plant pot an inch to the left please, it should take all morning.” “I’d love nothing more” / >“absolutely”< he is now out of periferal. >stand and entertain this task for all of 5 minutes< / leave immediately. great choice! time wasted is time wasted after all! treat yourself. >piss around on the scissor lift< / stand alone in the overflow car park
Mar 23, 2024
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humbling but necessary, and perhaps everyone down the street is thinking wow look at that girl go she knows what she wants and isn’t afraid of any potential embarrassment.
Feb 24, 2024
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in there quick. starting off strong. we’re here for the origin story, old testament kinda stuff.
Feb 22, 2024