Made this playlist for a dear friendo and sent it to him just days before he was killed in a way that felt so random and unfair.
I always admired him for his vulnerability in a world that's often criminally indifferent and doubly so when he came out and felt free at last.
Stay soft, fellow human 🤍
From an old Insta caption of his:
Feb 20, 2024
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I've written here before about Elliott.
I hesitate to call him "my friend" because we didn't really know each other all that well although I interviewed him yonks ago and our Portland social circles have definitely overlapped before and since. I own a few of his guitars now (courtesy of his ex girlfriend JJ Gonson who some of you have admired here because of her insanely great photography) and some original lyrics too. Maybe I should say I'm "steward" of these.
I would encourage you all -- if you're fans -- to watch my friend Nickolas Rossi's documentary "Heaven Adores You." You can rent or own it on YouTube (and I've linked the first few minutes here). A number of us who knew Elliott and felt pretty protective of him during his lifetime (and even MORE protective of his legacy after he'd passed, given the circumstances of his death) finally agreed to participate in it after turning everyone else away, for years, and somehow it walks the fine line of being candid about his struggles with depression and addiction without trafficking in salacious nonsense or gossip.
In the final analysis, Elliott knew no other trade but to put his very personal observations on display in a very public place. It is the space between that Elliott explored, and the tug-of-war between these sparring catalysts that he spent his life attempting to reconcile.
This is the memorial I wrote for him immediately after he passed. I was fucking devastated (then and now), mostly because I felt like it was an ephemeral passing moment, a shooting star that had briefly appeared above the Earth and was already gone. So it's an inherently selfish thing -- I mourn his passing mostly because I know that there will be no more Elliott Smith music, and that's just a huge loss for the world. I miss him on the reg but these days I understand why he is gone far better than I did at that moment, where all I could feel was just bottomless loss.
Much love to you Elliott, wherever you are. Thank you for the music, which meant so much to me. Still does.
Oct 22, 2024
Back in February, I lost my friend and coworker, Paul. He was the first person to pass that I had spent almost every day with for years. The ironic part was the morning i found out, I had just been thanking the universe that I never had to go through that pain. An hour later I found out he was gone.
Paul was very special, a one of a kind guy who built a life for himself through his love for art and music. He was an old school punk who was in a few bands back in the 90’s that helped shape the local music scene (Poo Poo Stick and Rotten Gramma). He started the tattoo shop I work at back in 2004 in the hopes of taking in good people who just needed a chance to show their skills. It’s been voted the best shop in the area by locals every year since ~2010. He loved Star Wars and Radiohead, loved doing my dumb skits for the shop’s social media, and had an affinity for butts unlike any other man I’ve ever met. In between tattoos, he would sit on the couch and we would just talk for hours. i still think I see him sometimes when I’m turning the corner when I come into the shop sometimes.
We just started cleaning out his tattoo station, and well.. it hasn’t been easy for any of us. Neither has having to tell people over the phone that he has passed away nearly weekly, and then having to continue on with my day like normal.
This afternoon was especially hard for me, so I figured I’d share the love with you folks so more of the world can know how cool this guy was.
Apr 10, 2025
content warning, i’ve never talked about this online.
Percbuddy is a chaotic avatar of cathartic self-expression and an intravenous connection to the internet.
“wanna be my perc buddy?” was a question given to Ethan Cooper by a young woman after a group rehab meeting in 2019, and it was the catalyst for my adoption of the name Percbuddy. I co-opted this name to create a character through which i gained the confidence to experiment with genre and songwriting.
two weeks before i planned to visit him In late 2022, Ethan had his life taken by a fake pill, reduced to a statistic in the nebulous “fentanyl crisis” when we were both 18.
He was a creative beam of light who inspired me endlessly- He gave me the name and was always my biggest supporter. It turned my life upside down, but it also gave so much more weight to Percbuddy and what it represented.
it’s difficult to articulate the feeling of the sudden and permanent absence of my best friend. it was a violent rug pull, and i lost all vision of my future.
the desire to completely destroy myself had never been more intense than at this point, but it somehow also never held less power over me. half of me begged to be snuffed out, while the other half clung onto life harder than ever before.
all i can do is live, and hope he can see me wherever he is, which is tough when the brightest light in my life was taken so young, giving me a million reasons to hate whatever higher power would be careless enough to let him die. He had written 3 feature films and a massive collection of short films. He had struggled in the past but was at the healthiest point in his life.
i’m truly hoping for an ascension to the 4th dimension when we die, allowing us to move across time as effortlessly as we move through space. I hope Ethan is omniscient, i hope he can read my thoughts, i pray to gods i don’t believe in that Ethan can still hear my music.
Ethan Cooper was stolen from the people who loved him, stolen from a world which could have been a better place with his work in it.
the emptiness he left behind can never be filled. Art and Music are my coping mechanisms , pop music is how i distract myself , and creating through percbuddy is how i keep his memory alive.
May 29, 2025
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love treating my shelves like an indie bookstore! the owner has fantastic taste and everything’s free
Mar 3, 2024
i don’t even know if this is a real old saying but i say it probably every day
Mar 4, 2024
