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My roommate is google searching images from Lars Von Trier’s “The House That Jack Built,” pointing emphatically at Matt Dillon as the titular character, a prolific serial killer, and shouting “this bitch is Jack-made!” I have at points in my life been “the crazy bitch whisperer”… I think I’m maybe just into the high risk, under the cover of darkness, we cant be found out, there’s something deeply wrong with all this VIBE… not always, this kind of thing usually runs parallel with other self-destructive behaviors and periods in which I am simply not doing too hot! Said roommate also shouted at me recently, “yo she’s James Spader-made as fuck!”
Jan 7, 2024
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i Am a proud fan of weird women!!!
Newest weird woman acquisition: the cute shy girl from my MBA program with a curly bob and red highlights.
Shes so quiet and shy, we’ve had every class together so far over 3 semesters and barely ever spoke aside from her saying happy Valentine’s Day to me in February. Fast forward to this semester I sit next to her first day of finance class and decide to Be friendly and chat. She’s quiet but cool so I get her number, offer to maybe study later in the semester (which is a mild courtesy as I was lowkey just gaining new allies in the class to assist with cheating).
But once I started texting her about class we just never stopped texting, and now I think we’re actively flirting? Shes into dark romance novels? she brought one of her novels to class yesterday and after class she snuggled up against me in the hallway and made me read a (very graphic) page about a girl getting fucked by a gun? This chick is nuts. Am I catching feelings?
Sep 17, 2024
every sentence here is a gem. shoutout to the schizophrenic nature of reality. I haven’t seen this movie so idk if Jason Horsley is being a salesman or if he’s really on one. In fact I just learned about mothman last night from a woman ive been talking to for like a week. She’s kind of mysterious and is into Russian lit. Can’t tell if she fw me at all which is only deepening my crush. Happy Valentine’s Day eve ❤️
Feb 14, 2025
First thing she told me about him was that he had weird style. A 2015 hypebeast who got a gig vibe curating for organic grocery stores. That’s what she told me about him. She showed me a picture of him where he had his lips all pursed up like he was trying to show off his jawline— but in a knowing, self-effacing “don’t I look so silly making this handsome pouty face” way. Shortly after she asked me to look at this picture & make fun of him & after I had complied, she told me something interesting.
“He’s got this car. It’s a complete, from scratch model of the car from that lindsay Lohan movie herbie, fully loaded.”
I sat up, cross legged
”not just the chassis, not just the engine, the whole thing. He found concept art & behind the scenes schematics of herbie. He tracked down each part & made absolute sure to get them as authentically as possible. He didn’t include anything unfaithful to the original vision. He mentioned something about being unable to be unfaithful to it. That working on ’Him’, he kept calling the car ‘Him’, that this was his way of discovering what faith meant.”
This confused me, so i asked my friend to keep explaining.
“It’s like— here’s the way he put it. It’s like this, you can get a ready made replica of just about any famous car you could dream of jsut by knowing the right people. But a replica is not “Him”. He told me that he had no interest in driving something sold to him with ‘authenticity’, it’s ‘faithfulness’ being a POINT OF SALE.”
I was intrigued, so I asked her point blank what she thought he got out of the whole thing. She gazed up at the ceiling for a while, I think looking at the same daddylonglegs that I was looking at earlier. The one with the big orb of eggs attached to its thorax. an orb that would burst & bring forth 10 million babydaddylonglegs into my home. After a few moments of spidergazing, she told me this, this is what she told me. Like the words were being sucked from her mouth.
”I don’t know. It might be some weird type of prayer, like he’s building himself an idol or a god or a friend or a father or a lover. He told me that when he’s inside ‘Him’, he feels in control. He feels safe. Powerful. His hands are on the wheel & Herbie responds perfectly to everything he does. There’s no resistance, like Herbie is an extension of his own flesh almost. He insists that he can hear Herbie whisper words of encouragement to him. There was something vaguely sexual about it all. It’s weird Jake, but I couldn’t tell if he was gonna laugh or cry or kiss me. And I wanted him. Badly. It was the most honest a man had ever been with me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
I asked her if she planned on seeing him again.
“I don’t know. Maybe. You know I don’t have a car. Thing is that he lives far away & the drive is kind of a bitch.”
Dec 16, 2024
Top Recs from @matthewallan
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It was 4AM and I was in the home of two complete strangers, a French Canadian couple I’d met at a bar earlier that night. Initially I thought maybe they were angling for some sick sex experiment to spice up their marriage but it turns out they just wanted someone to do cocaine and talk Israel-Palestine with. I was only interested in one of those things though. I was about to go home but made one request before I left. I asked kindly if the man in capri pants, drinking a red stripe with his feet up and playing edm from a Bluetooth speaker connected to his phone would put on one song for me, Madonna’s “What It Feels Like for a Girl.” He shrugged and put it on and they went back to talking about how Israel was actually super fun or whatever and I quietly got up and started dancing. This must have surprised them because pretty soon they stopped talking and watched with horror forming on their faces. The song ended and I asked for a cigarette for the road. As far as I was concerned these people hadn’t done enough for me. Free cocaine and cigarettes were the least they could do considering the show I’d just put on for them. I don’t remember exactly how I got home, no train route from that neighborhood to mine that would make sense and no record of an Uber, but I made it home nonetheless and awoke the next day in my bed feeling pretty stupid about the whole ordeal. Nights like that make me sad, make me feel irresponsible and reckless, like I need to value my life more. I was feeling regretful and somber, I had a slight headache and if I wanted to I could cry on command, so I was in the ideal state to be seeing Mark Kozelek (red house painters, sun kil moon), one of my absolute heroes, that night at the Roxy.
Jan 15, 2024
Woke up next to someone this morning, went to my computer to put on some music and when I opened it up it was just this pic of Lars Von Trier and she looked aghast and said … “who is that?”
Jan 8, 2024
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Because you love him.
Jan 16, 2024