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The other day, I met up with a pal to get some coffee, I began to tell her all about the spring weather induced “health kick” I had enacted upon (which entails solely swapping breakfast pastries for acai bowls). I then fell into complaining about my back and somehow found myself saying, “I don’t know man, maybe I should get like cupped or something.” The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I was onto something. In another subconscious act of genius, my thumbs typed in groupon to my phone. I quickly navigated the mobile site (I haven’t used Groupon in years of course I don’t have the app) and found myself a coupon for a 16$ cupping session in Chinatown, 2 minutes later and a slightly confusing phone call later, I was scheduled for an 11:30am appointment the next day. I arrived at a terrifyingly tiny office on the second floor of a condominium building, filled with dozens of tiny old ladies speaking Mandarin. Eventually I was led into a tiny cubicle where hot glass vases were suctioned on to my back for ten minutes in order to move my chi( ?? ) After the treatment was over I began a plethora of google searching to understand what magic had just been enacted upon my mortal corpse. I’m still not quite sure what cupping is suppose to do but it did leave chic little octopus kiss-esk bruises on my back which make everyone think I’m an athlete.

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