Iāve found myself thinking about God a lot as of late. I didnāt grow up in the Church, and right now Iām not on a distinctive quest for answers experiencing feelings of desperation. EDIT: I am actually so lost but not looking for answers from God necessarily? ā I simply am just noticing God everywhere. And when I start explaining these thoughts and feelings to my mother or friends about how much Iāve been thinking about Godliness, I always start by saying:
āWell Iāve just been thinking about how God is everywhere; like in the taste of this chocolate cake orā¦.ā
Once I spent a year or more where I didnāt cry at all. I canāt remember if I even laughed from an authentic place at this time period? Because for several of those months I have no memories.
But nowadaysā I look up at the moon in cold January and shed a tear because how lovely is the moon? And when watching a beautiful movie because how lovely is that? And hearing that song the 400th time but still tearing up because suddenly itās like youāre hearing it for the first time? And crying four times in one yoga class because i just cant help it, everything; even things unknown, are releasing.
I donāt know God personally. But I know where God lives; like in the taste of this chocolate cake. or a cold refreshing breeze on my face when Iām feeling too hot, in the laughter of my loved ones, in the juicy green grass, in how I feel when Iām bathing in endless ocean waves or dancing with my baby cousin. Humble and mindful and indulgent in it all. I dont have to search very hard.