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I’ve found myself thinking about God a lot as of late. I didn’t grow up in the Church, and right now I’m not on a distinctive quest for answers experiencing feelings of desperation. EDIT: I am actually so lost but not looking for answers from God necessarily? — I simply am just noticing God everywhere. And when I start explaining these thoughts and feelings to my mother or friends about how much I’ve been thinking about Godliness, I always start by saying:
“Well I’ve just been thinking about how God is everywhere; like in the taste of this chocolate cake or….”
Once I spent a year or more where I didn’t cry at all. I can’t remember if I even laughed from an authentic place at this time period? Because for several of those months I have no memories.
But nowadays– I look up at the moon in cold January and shed a tear because how lovely is the moon? And when watching a beautiful movie because how lovely is that? And hearing that song the 400th time but still tearing up because suddenly it‘s like you’re hearing it for the first time? And crying four times in one yoga class because i just cant help it, everything; even things unknown, are releasing.
I don’t know God personally. But I know where God lives; like in the taste of this chocolate cake. or a cold refreshing breeze on my face when I’m feeling too hot, in the laughter of my loved ones, in the juicy green grass, in how I feel when I’m bathing in endless ocean waves or dancing with my baby cousin. Humble and mindful and indulgent in it all. I dont have to search very hard.
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With all the quick motions and shocking happenings of the world, I've been taking refuge in the faith I was raised with. Not with a reactionary frame of mind, but searching for the empathetic section of the world I knew when I was younger. Before, I learned about the expansive evils of the world and the contradictory nature of mainstream Christianity and, in extension, Catholicism. I've left the church, but I still visit from time to time, mentally. The teachings of love and justice have given me solace in these trying times. As some rights are being stripped and opportunities limited, my first reaction has been to pray for the people affected. Sympathy is hardwired in my bones, but it's new that I physically get on my knees to recite and conjure a prayer. I've been told I'm having a "come to God" moment, but honestly, I feel I'm falling in love with an idealistic version of Catholicism. Something I can defer to when the logical and the skeptical sections of my mind are overworked with anguish. I feel it couldn't only be me feeling these emotions.
Anyone else?
Jan 28, 2025
I was at a rave once and the overhead screen was showing these intense moving colours, and I saw god in these. I asked her if it was okay to still be hurting after my breakup and she said yes. Helped a lot.
Directly inspired by this poem
Jan 23, 2024
this is what i call those rare moments of deep understanding around significant life changes. like when something is super super hard and you’re struggling and its heavy but then there is this massive chasm in your heart and it feels like god just struck you with a lightening bolt of truth and you feel so much lighter. thats a god moment.
Sep 16, 2024
Top Recs from @gabz
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women who run with wolves, women who run with rats.
the true ultimate bonding activity for you and the girls. because you’ll never forget how they sheltered you when you were low.
one of the most liberating rituals I perform in New York is popping a squat in between parked cars or a dark corner and letting it all go…. wild wild women we are deemed to be.
they may look down upon us because perhaps it isn’t “polite”. But when you’re bursting at the seams, why must we settle for discomfort? What’s a girl to do? We are not graced with simplicity to turn to the wall– subtly concealed without judgement. Our anatomy binds us to the confines of bearing it all in a squat. With added complexity given the outfit of choice. And always the obstacle of not splattering our cute shoes. but id only be telling you a falsehood if I said peeing outdoors isn’t so enjoyable whether it be in the middle of a forest or the city street. Even when all odds may be stacked against you.
Only God can judge me. But God is a woman anyway.
Feb 13, 2024
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It’s okay. it’s not for validation, it’s for performance art. Linda Montano said living life itself is her lifelong performance because she declared that it was. Trisha Paytas has carried on that performance practice. So I’m hot on instagram when the spirit compels me to be. But in like a durationally artistic way and for my future lifelong archive, to show my granddaughters that I was also young and fertile once and my boobs were decently sized and semi perky. They should know. That I was that girl once before I was grey and a bit wrinkled and more bitter than I am currently; for traditional reasons.
Mar 14, 2024
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I’m post-grad, unemployed, no direction, sick with a stomach flu or something, went on 3 back to back trips so like I spent a lot of money, clearly have lots of time to write and recommend and ponder and not be ridden with confusion and anxiety these days.
So yes, of course here I am. Back at last to Perfectly Imperfect. You’ve caught me red-handed. Crawling back as I’m glued to my couch currently on a nocturnal sleep schedule due to perhaps a combination of my illness and my body remaining in a time zone opposite to the one I must adjust back to.
Hope someone out there missed me. The bitch is back.
Jul 28, 2024