i’ve often been having the thought that I wish I was a kid again, adulting is so hard and scary and I feel like im constantly drowning and struggling with it. but then I think back to my childhood, the one I can’t remember. the only memories I do have are either sad and lonely or just snippets of random moments. I have no memories before the age of 9 left. I always have wondered why. was it due to the suffering I endured as a child? or is it the use of substances I used to make me forget about said childhood? probably a combo of both. I don’t ever want to be a kid again in the sense of I never was a kid. I’ve been fully independent since the age of 19 and the only reason im able to do so, is because i’ve been doing it my whole life. im the only person I can trust emotionally or financially. and while it hasn’t always been on me financially the fact that is is now at 20 is a little scary and reminiscent of my childhood. but we are struggling and surviving and hopefully not for too much longer!!
/thinking/twenty-something/memories
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