Rec
š¶
- Fall to knees and ask God āWhy must you punish me? Iām far too handsome to not be in magazines!āĀ
- Resign to room
- Scroll, weeping at the bottom of Instagram
- Click furiously through every one of your tagged photos
- Learn nothing about yourself
- Ask every girl youāve ever slept with to rate your performance
- Watch Mad Max: Fury Road with your mother to learn what masculinity means
- Read top 12 pieces of relationship advice from How I Met Your Mother on Buzzfeed
- Throw out your 2-in-1 and buy a seperate shampoo and conditioner
- Listen to Jerkin Fendrix every day for a month
- Google yourself so many times that you start trendingĀ
- Read back your love letters to southeastern French villages, and know that you were really just writing about someone
- Busy yourself with trying to understand who you are and forget your dogs birthday
- Wake up every day and re-remember all that has been taken from you, like the whole of Groundhog Day combined with just the second half of 50 First Dates
- In one moment, feel more like you want to die than ever before in your life
- In the next moment, feel more like you want to try than ever before in your life
- To be who you know you could beĀ
- To be an outrageous rock and roll iconĀ
- To be a masterful lover
- To be the best dressed guy in this Shoreditch venue
- To be on the cover of So Young magazine in collage form
- To be a well-regarded DJ of rare techno on vinyl only
- To be the hero of your dope childhood dreams
- Put on fresh socks and a Kanye west album, to find your next calling
- Buy a coffee table book on minimalism, and a new sweater
- Cut your own hair badly and start using a face scrub
- Unfollow every girl every girl who posts pictures of healthy meals
- And every girl who posts pictures ofĀ happy meals
- Give yourself a hilarious name on Facebook
- Pretend not to know who Lil Yaughty is
- Tell everyone you meet that youāve never seen black mirror
- Throw out your bedframe
- Put your mattress on the floor
- Destroy your aeropress and start drinking instant coffee
- Act like you know nothing about craft beer
- Bitch about every group in South London
- Start defining yourself purely by the things you hate
- Know you have become the antithesis of your 2016 manifesto
- You are so lost in my plight to exist, that you have forgotten to live, and you forgot to love
I love you. Good night
Jul 16, 2025
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@HSOJKA learn from me, children. be better than i am. vanity plagues me, but it's not too late for you!!!
Jul 17, 2025
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i forgot my headphones at home. i was about to either
1) pump black country new road
2) watch brooklyn 99.
i miss being passionate about things, not being able to sleep, eat, speak, or fathom anything beyond the apple of my eye and the fruit of my thoughts.
i miss waking up with one thing in mind, how i would explore it that day, and how i would explore it the next
itās been people itās been sewing guitar driving religion philosophy photography writing filming blogging
i think, regardless of any tik tok data explosion with the intention of ripping out each of my brain cells to keep me submissive and docile because of a wrecked attention span, iām not a girl of her commitments- i get bored.
and i am bored. i feel this lack of passion so deeply in my body, its been a catalyst for the recent crashouts ive had ( and thereās been plenty) i donāt know how to stay, and work hard, and allow myself to grow to what i want to be right in this instance. not to shine my own shoes, but iām not super used to being bad at things. iāve always always always coasted, and now that im trying to be a gaf (give a fuck) filled girl, ive realized, sucking at something hurts a lot more when youāve put in the work to be good at it.
if it wasnāt me writing this, and my best friend called me and told me this word for word, i would tell her how normal that feeling was, and that she herself knew what to do; commit. and that is my advice, dear sweet amalia, commit, commit, commit.
i miss being passionate about things, not being able to sleep, eat, speak, or fathom anything beyond the apple of my eye and the fruit of my thoughts.
i miss waking up with one thing in mind, how i would explore it that day, and how i would explore it the next
itās been people itās been sewing guitar driving religion philosophy photography writing filming blogging
i think, regardless of any tik tok data explosion with the intention of ripping out each of my brain cells to keep me submissive and docile because of a wrecked attention span, iām not a girl of her commitments- i get bored.
and i am bored. i feel this lack of passion so deeply in my body, its been a catalyst for the recent crashouts ive had ( and thereās been plenty) i donāt know how to stay, and work hard, and allow myself to grow to what i want to be right in this instance. not to shine my own shoes, but iām not super used to being bad at things. iāve always always always coasted, and now that im trying to be a gaf (give a fuck) filled girl, ive realized, sucking at something hurts a lot more when youāve put in the work to be good at it.
if it wasnāt me writing this, and my best friend called me and told me this word for word, i would tell her how normal that feeling was, and that she herself knew what to do; commit. and that is my advice, dear sweet amalia, commit, commit, commit.
Rec
In this day and age of societal teenage-like anguish and ācoreā frenzies, I have a confession : Locking in is a social construct i will never partake in, if only because thereās never been anything wrong with a little bit of silliness.
ā¦So I want everything to be fun and a good time and somedays i feel like the world is a tilted stage on which iām asked to dance. And if then I cry and cry and whine and I take a day off to journal about it? Sue me!
Lately I came to the realisation that I come from generations and generations of fucking losers who took a long time to figure out what they wanted in life and then weren't all that good at pursuing it. Iām not saying that I want to be lazy about my goals and aspirations ā by familial standards iām actually quite far advanced in this regard, but I will say loud and proud that Iām more than okay with a speck of emotional turmoil and doubt, if it means I can get a day off crying in my room and writing about it while sipping a glass of shitty red wine.
āThatās how good art starts anyway.
Apr 16, 2025
Rec
first blog post.
not sure how this whole shablam works, but thought I'd give it a go. have the urge to write bs about my life for anyone who's listening. feel like I'm talking to myself, but I like doing that so I'm happy with whatever.
sunday
starting the day off right -- a can of chickpeas (with lime juice, garlic, and olive oil), a mandarin, and a coffee. thinking about what I want to accomplish. got a fuck tonne of schoolwork to do (it's really not that much, but it is when I spend the entire school day fucking around and wishing I was getting stuff done) might try finish some of it. got the day off work today, but clocked in for a dream shift last night so feel like I've worked overtime.
to do list
- breakfast, but you already know about that. trust me, don't knock on the chickpeas 'till you've tried them, they changed my life.
- finish stats assesement, who gives a FUCK about fat content in bread?
- maybe start my english work. should have started two weeks ago.
- start something crafty ----- I yearn to craft, but have crafters block or whatever. that's why I started a blog, I love to write. I tried writing fanfic last week, but got an essay of a hate comment that hurt my feelings. god forbid a girl try something new.
- walk my dog on the beach. this used to be a mindfulness activity for me, but I've been corrupted by podcasts and audiobooks. now I don't know how to be alone with my thoughts anymore. advice?
goals and aspirations
ā BUY A VAN
if you know me in person you KNOW I've been annoying as FUCK about this. so basically, I really REALLY want a van. I'm looking for an old toyota hiace that someones put the bare bones of utilities in, so I could theoretically live out of it. nothing fancy, because who would I be without a project?
ā CRAFT
another reason why I want a van -- I need something to craft for. I know how to crochet, but have nothing TO crochet. a van would give me a vessel in which to dedicate my crafts. want something to crochet? blanket for my van! sewing project? curtains for my van! cushions! a duvet! want to try your hand in some painting? good, because the inside is probably in desperate need of a revamp.
āQUIT MY JOB
I'd written something really funny and cynical about my job here and why I want to quit, but my mum saw it & said that it was a 'sackable offense'. that'd save me the hassle of having to put in my two weeks, but I've got a reputation to uphold. also a van to pay for. guess the world just isn't ready for my comedic genius and sardonic honesty.
my 2025 resolution
make bad art. read long books.
for TOO LONG I have been afraid to do things that I'm bad at. I'm not sure what I enjoy doing or what I'm just good at doing. but this year that changes. I'm gonna make BAD art. I'm gonna write a blog, and it'll probably be shit. make the art exist and worry if it's good later. I'm going to READ that long book. I've been feeling like time is moving faster than I can run, and that I'm running out of it. I've been far too hesistant to do things slowly. but the time will pass anyway, so I'm going to stop being too afraid to use it.
SHIT POST OVER, that's a bit about me.
ft pictures of breakfast today, I reckon I'd survive the apocolypse. thanks for reading if you've made it this far :kisskiss:
May 25, 2025
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šwho, me? oh yeah. just a healthy snack i grabbed on the go. not a big deal. now watch me throw it up into the air and laugh a little bit. what? oh, this old thing? haha, just an apple. you know me!
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