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Thursday, March 24th 2022 10:11 AM
I wish I was a normal boy. I’ve been home alone all day and instead of doing weird self pleasure stuff, I’ve just all day moping about how XXXX doesn’t like me back. At least I get paid soon. I kind of hate myself right now.
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the title says it all; i spent a lot of my time in grade school in an unrelenting state of self-pity and unspecified despair. i should've reached out ! but i was too humiliated and bedlocked to do anything about it. i've since learned that if you're struggling, just stop . . . haha, just kidding. reach out though ! forreal. love yourself, or whatever. i'm pretty okay with myself. i think growing up is becoming more and more okay with yourself.
thanks for reading this ramble, i appreciate you. comment one of your favorite memories of adolescence.
Dec 30, 2024
i like taking psychology because it puts a pseudo intellectual spin on things we all accept are just…normal. want to feel included? you’re a sheeple of ODT, you little assimilator.
i do not want to be young again to feel as though my life is longer or my stress is less, it isn’t even really missed opportunity.
when i was 13 i made the biggest mistake of my life and walked into it knowing it would be the biggest mistake of my life. it made me feel silly that such a life altering decision was perpetuated by a “teenager”, but i, in my endless wisdom, promised my future self i would always act the best i could given the information i had. i did this so i wouldn’t look back at 13 year old amalia screaming and crying that i could’ve done something different.
thats a hard feeling to shake, and yes, it is so so hard to take things as they are and truly recognize all we can do is act dependent on what we know and who we are.
i wish i studied harder for my math final. i wish i wasnt such a bitch. i wish i would’ve been kinder to 13 year old amalia like i promised her i would, and i hope she knows i do not resent her for that (awful) decision
Jun 4, 2025
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You know what I realized. I have a sad feeling regarding the fact that the little child version of myself would not at all be proud of me as 20 something. All the things I was like I can’t wait do THAT when I’m older, I’m gonna be THIS type of person and I’m gonna have THESE things. Nope lol. But like why would I have the same perspective now as that insane preteen? Did I ever even take a second and ask myself if I even agree with her anymore before deciding I must have failed? Gotta stop hitting “update later” when I get the newsest IOS notif in the MacBook of my mind.
Dec 11, 2024
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Jul 5, 2025
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I can recognize the adult faces of children I was in school with. I can remember the dragon tattoo on the forearm of a boy I only shared one conversation with. So, please imagine what I can remember of you. I hate the fact that I remember it. The way you fidgeted with your hair, the way you ate like a slob, the way you’d keep me up late with a call. I remember it because I loved it all. Every second of every hour. Every succulent and every flower. I gave them to you even though you hated them. Still, with grace you accepted my rose. Only to see my smile and the widening of my nose. I remember how we found out you were a comic and I was a poet. In the way that my jokes didn’t land and you couldn’t rhyme. Right then and there we were over. We just didn’t know it. I remember our final conversation. I was headed home and you were head to New York. That night we didn’t say goodbye, only a “see you later.” I remember feeling like that was a lie.
May 18, 2025
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Laughing to myself again.
My problems are small and
everything is okay today.
2d ago