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I canāt figure out what the fuck is wrong with my family ā my aunt told me about our familyās shadows: abuse, illness, the time she almost killed her husband. I listened like a hostage.
Iāve always dreamed of having a close, warm, and supportive family. Maybe they are, and Iām just the one drifting at the edges. I donāt even know.
My cousin turned 20 ā she has a job and a car. Iām 25 and spent the evening out in the parking lot, smoking and playing games on my phone. But at least my outfit was cute
Jun 23, 2025
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Cousin Richie from The Bear
2024 started off terrible for me. I was working a terrible job (night shift) and felt like I had no friends. I was miserable and hated life and compared myself to everyone and their mother. In May I started a new job that I deeply enjoy, made some amazing new friends, became closer with the friends that have stuck by me and like ācousinā at 24 years old I have fallen in love with living.
2024 started off terrible for me. I was working a terrible job (night shift) and felt like I had no friends. I was miserable and hated life and compared myself to everyone and their mother. In May I started a new job that I deeply enjoy, made some amazing new friends, became closer with the friends that have stuck by me and like ācousinā at 24 years old I have fallen in love with living.
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š«£happy (early?) birthday!! š Idk what advice to give because i feel like the 20-somethings now are more emotionally aware than the 20-somethings from even as recent as a decade ago, but tune into your body, give yourself grace, and listen to othersā stories without feeling pressured to model your life after someone elseās. & if you donāt know what you want your life to look like yet thatās okay! ā¤ļø
At 21 I was in my senior year of college and engaged to be married within the year after graduation. In the southern religious environment we were in this wasnāt abnormal, but in retrospect that was soooo young to get married and I donāt think I would have so quickly if I hadnāt been so desperate to get out of a problematic family situation that involved some financial abuse. Despite changing A LOT over the past decade+ my partner and I are still together, and I look back at 21 as a time when I most followed the social script expected of me and coasted on that for a while, until it all started to fall apart (in an ultimately good if devastating way) when I became a mom at 24.Ā
tl;dr: my 21 was tame and mellow and happy but i had no idea who i was or what i could be and now i do have a stronger sense of that at 32 and that feels better
At 21 I was in my senior year of college and engaged to be married within the year after graduation. In the southern religious environment we were in this wasnāt abnormal, but in retrospect that was soooo young to get married and I donāt think I would have so quickly if I hadnāt been so desperate to get out of a problematic family situation that involved some financial abuse. Despite changing A LOT over the past decade+ my partner and I are still together, and I look back at 21 as a time when I most followed the social script expected of me and coasted on that for a while, until it all started to fall apart (in an ultimately good if devastating way) when I became a mom at 24.Ā
tl;dr: my 21 was tame and mellow and happy but i had no idea who i was or what i could be and now i do have a stronger sense of that at 32 and that feels better
Jun 11, 2024
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šSince the first time I watched Billy Wilder's 1959 film Some Like It Hot, Marilyn Monroe's first line, a breathy, black& white whisper, haunted me:
"I'm 25 years old, that's a quarter of a century. Really makes a girl think."
At twelve, I believed that by 25 I would look like Marilyn Monroe and also be on the cusp of getting married like her character, Sugar. At twelve, I believed 25 meant you were an adult, doing exciting adult things like having money to spend on wants (not just needs), and looking at buying a home, and working in a high power firm, and getting accolades for how incredible I was, and getting ready for the rest of my life.
But I turned 25 yesterday and none of that came true. What a scam.
A quarter of a century really does make a girl think. I don't want the life I imagined at twelve, but something is still missing from my life right now. I just moved to a new city, dyed my hair red and -here's the best part- applied for unemployment on my birthday!! Who knew that wifi-bills were so expensive and that I probably won't buy Cabot Cheese again untl I'm in my 30's (Seriously, I'm concerned why store-brand cheese is so much cheaper...are we even eating dairy?) I'm feeling untethered and foggy on what comes next, and if there's anything I do still want from my pre-teen fantasy life it's direction. Purpose. Sense of self. Confidence. To be getting ready for the rest of my life. Where do I find that now??
But all is not lost. After all there's 364 more days of being 25 and it feels- more than past birthdays- like this really is a fresh new chapter. A complete blank page. I just moved to a new big city! I just dyed my hair! I'm unemployed! Seems as good time as any to start a perfectly imperfect record. Stay tuned.
What about you? What did turning 25 mean to you? Anyone have a leash to help me pull myself back in?
"I'm 25 years old, that's a quarter of a century. Really makes a girl think."
At twelve, I believed that by 25 I would look like Marilyn Monroe and also be on the cusp of getting married like her character, Sugar. At twelve, I believed 25 meant you were an adult, doing exciting adult things like having money to spend on wants (not just needs), and looking at buying a home, and working in a high power firm, and getting accolades for how incredible I was, and getting ready for the rest of my life.
But I turned 25 yesterday and none of that came true. What a scam.
A quarter of a century really does make a girl think. I don't want the life I imagined at twelve, but something is still missing from my life right now. I just moved to a new city, dyed my hair red and -here's the best part- applied for unemployment on my birthday!! Who knew that wifi-bills were so expensive and that I probably won't buy Cabot Cheese again untl I'm in my 30's (Seriously, I'm concerned why store-brand cheese is so much cheaper...are we even eating dairy?) I'm feeling untethered and foggy on what comes next, and if there's anything I do still want from my pre-teen fantasy life it's direction. Purpose. Sense of self. Confidence. To be getting ready for the rest of my life. Where do I find that now??
But all is not lost. After all there's 364 more days of being 25 and it feels- more than past birthdays- like this really is a fresh new chapter. A complete blank page. I just moved to a new big city! I just dyed my hair! I'm unemployed! Seems as good time as any to start a perfectly imperfect record. Stay tuned.
What about you? What did turning 25 mean to you? Anyone have a leash to help me pull myself back in?
Jan 8, 2025
Top Recs from @Deadfisshh
Jun 26, 2025
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Weāve known each other since kindergarten, we grew up together, and even though I wasnāt always kind to her in middle school, she never held it against me. We started to feel sad around the same time, and each of us became the otherās refuge. She has always encouraged me and given me the strength to do slightly crazy things; when we were fifteen, weād find ourselves standing in the middle of a field at one in the morning, in the dark, just because I was feeling down. Sheās taken care of me after I hurt myself. I watched her lose herself in her last relationship. Sheās the only family I see at Christmas. We can laugh for ten minutes just by looking at each other
Right now Iām on holiday in my hometown, and I can go see her whenever I want. We meet at night, smoke cigarettes, and watch movies. She takes better care of me than my boyfriend ever does
A few days ago, we spent a wonderful morning in her garden, in the sun, with fresh air all around us. For the first time in years, life almost felt pleasant. The colors of the plants and flowers were so beautiful, and we didnāt even talk that muchāwe just ate some fruit (which she washed for me). I told her about my favorite movie and she watched it that same night; she told me about her favorite fruit and I bought it for her the next day
I donāt care about men, because she exists. I love her with all my heart, and I want to take her to the beach
Right now Iām on holiday in my hometown, and I can go see her whenever I want. We meet at night, smoke cigarettes, and watch movies. She takes better care of me than my boyfriend ever does
A few days ago, we spent a wonderful morning in her garden, in the sun, with fresh air all around us. For the first time in years, life almost felt pleasant. The colors of the plants and flowers were so beautiful, and we didnāt even talk that muchāwe just ate some fruit (which she washed for me). I told her about my favorite movie and she watched it that same night; she told me about her favorite fruit and I bought it for her the next day
I donāt care about men, because she exists. I love her with all my heart, and I want to take her to the beach
Jul 10, 2025
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He turned his head just as I took the photo, definitely not camera shy
3d ago