Rec
🩸
I think I struggle with people validation. Women’s validation. How they see me and how I’m being seen in a way I can control. it’s like a drug to be positive in the way I’m seen. Not just sexually but emotionally, financiall. I wish I was free of it but at the same time I want it. I like it. I participate in toxic gym culture to obtain it and maintain it. It’s draining.
recommendation image
recommendation image
Jun 18, 2025

Comments

Make an account to reply.
No comments yet

Related Recs

Rec
😃
i really also think about how much boys are taught ways to perform masculinity & how it is legitimised through tangible things like building a career etc but with women i find that from a young age our identity, behaviours, & thoughts are always spoken about in relation to other people/things — gender roles within the family, how we’re perceived by men, our friendships with other women, our relationships with material things etc etc — and this shows up in the labels that women are often given too! so and so is someone’s daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother etc etc. i envy the freedom of boyhood so much, the freedom to just be (this is not to discount the toxicity of traditional masculinity, i just think that boys are still afforded more ā€œplayā€ and therefore have more opportunities to develop their sense of self).
maybe i am also biased because of how i’ve grown up & whatnot but i never really understood what it meant to quote unquote be a woman or perform femininity. i only saw this modelled within my nurturing friendships with women as i’ve gotten older but when i was younger, in church it was always ā€œok well don’t do this or that because x y z will happen to men if you doā€ or within my extended family it was often ā€œare you seeing anyone? when are you having kidsā€. damn what happened to asking about how i’m doing or what my dreams are!!!
long rant sorry !! but that’s my long winded way of saying ā€œi feel youā€ haha
Jun 28, 2024
Rec
🚻
and I feel lucky about that; it made me who I am today!
But as an adult woman I can definitely relate and I imagine what it would be like to feel that sense of freedom from being perceived as a woman and the societal expectations that come with that. Sylvia Plath said it best in her journals:
ā€œYes, my consuming desire is to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, barroom regulars—to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording—all this is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always supposedly in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yes, God, I want to talk to everybody as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night...ā€
I do think though that it’s fruitless to fixate on these things, imagining the grass to be greener on the other side and essentially wishing you could have grown up and lived as another person, because 1 it’s not possible 2 the life you imagine has so many downsides to it too that you can’t even imagine not having experienced itself and 3 if you were a different person then the You you are now wouldn’t exist, and that would be a shame! I also think men are having a tough time now and many of them are probably just as neurotic, inhibited, and fearful as women.
Obviously people are free to reject these notions and live life as whoever they want, and I respect and appreciate those who choose to do this, but I’m not interested in doing that for myself. Instead, I challenge the boundaries of what it means to be a woman in the ways that I can, which feels like the right choice for me!
Jun 28, 2024
Rec
recommendation image
🦷
i am bad at being a woman.Ā  i thought i figured it out when i learned to do the makeup, to get my cheeks to blush just the right amount and my curls to bounce the right way and when i wore the pretty dresses with frills. but i am not at peace with being a woman in the ways that matter most. i have never felt the sisterhood. i have never been any girls’ girl. my friendships with women feel shallow and momentarily lasting before i transform into the next iteration of myself, shedding with it girls’ whose beds ive shared at sleepovers. i will never know what transpires in a girls night out and my wedding will have no bridesmaids. i’ll never know what it’s like to help my girls curl the backs of their hair and zip up the backs of dresses that they can’t quite reach.Ā  i will always be deeply, ravenously envious of meaningful female friendships, yet i am torn between my desire for community and my tendency to isolate. i love women, but it feels as if there is always some invisible wall in front of me barricading the entryway from acquaintances to friends.Ā they will never fully know me and the version of them that i know will never feel like it’s enough. a struggle to be understood, matched with a desire for deeper, more profound connection with the women in my life.

Top Recs from @morrisonmonster

Rec
recommendation image
😃
Mar 17, 2025
Rec
recommendation image
šŸŒŽ
Feb 13, 2025