i’ve been going out more, i’ve been trying to stay sane, i’ve been mostly searching for confirmation that theres not something fundamentally and inextricably wrong with me. i think it’s easy to tacitly believe in your own worth but it’s harder to act in a way that respects yourself, it’s far easier to denigrate yourself to the point of worthlessness than it is to come to terms with the fact that you may still have potential and value. misery is an intoxicating and inviting feeling. there is a perverse pleasure in being miserable and convinced of your inalienable worthlessness. i’m looking for god in my city, i need to put my faith in something so i don’t blow my brains out. every time i pass a church i contemplate praying, im not even christian. there’s an allure to offloading all that exhausting heavy lifting of finding a reason to live over to some deity. i might ask a pastor or the next person i see if there’s any hope for my redemption. comment down below what you’re doing to stay sane