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Iām not ready to do this myself, but reading this communityās reflections on grief has been very bittersweet. Thank you to anyone who has been so open and warm enough to share your feelings and memories here.
2d ago
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My heart goes out to you and your family, this kind of this is never easy and is generally pretty fucking terrible all around. I lost my mom in 2018 after a pretty prolonged and slow to cease battle with cancer.
When she was in end-of-life care something small that helped her feel a bit better was trying to make the space as homey as possible. Lots of pictures, her favorite blanket, and a friend of hers even brought some large stuffed animals that lived on her bed. It was something small that helped in the immediate moment.
I also echo everyone here saying to prepare for the grief but also prepare to sit with it for longer than you think youāll need. I was only home for about a week after she passed before going back to school across the country, and not having my family/hometown network to grieve with really stunted and prolonged my healing process.
Also a bit bleak, but my mom and I were able to have a sort of āclosingā convo where we said goodbyes, and she told me her wishes for me, etc. if youāre able, it was a really powerful conversation to have and something I hold close when Iām having a particularly hard grief day (which still happen 6 years out! All part of the process)š
May 24, 2024
šÆ
This is a little long winded and personal. Please forgive me.
It's been exactly one year since my great aunt passed away - she was a pillar of the family, a very intelligent and witty woman whom we all loved. She used to cut out stories from the newspaper/ magazines and mail them to me while I lived away, and she had the most incredible handwriting Iāve ever seen. She was, to use one of her favorite things to call me, a āreal mensch.ā
Less than 48 hours after that, I got broken up with. We had been dating for almost two years. It was the healthiest relationship I had ever been in. Yet, we were laying in my teenage bedroom at my parents house, and she was crying. All I remember is thinking to myself āFIGHT for her you DUMB MOTHERFUCKER, you CANāT lose another womanā - but I didnāt. I was scared. And just like that, the best year of my life came crashing down in spectacular fashion.
Two extremely hard hits at once.
I had to keep moving forward. I didnāt see any alternative. And as a result, I sank into what I can only describe as my own death spiral. Lots of cigs, lots of booze, lots of work, all to drown out the voices in my head telling me āmaybe this isnāt a good idea.ā
I didnāt allow myself to MOURN then. To feel sad, to feel loss, and to work it out constructively and communally. Now, a year later, Iām finally allowing myself to feel those emotions about both of those things. Finally crawling out of that death spiral. Mourning isnāt weakness, nor is grief.
Justā¦if you havenāt properly mourned something, anything, I recommend allowing yourself to. Keeping something like that inside, no matter how compartmentalized it may be, is a bad idea.
Mar 8, 2025
āļø
For a good chunk of my 30 years on this Earth Iāve been helping to take care of older, sick relatives. First, my maternal grandfather who was bedridden for 4 years after a fall followed by a stroke. Then, my maternal grandmother slowly slipped into dementia until she passed on an August night a little over 2 years ago. Both lived full lives and passed peacefully. But the process of seeing them falter after knowing them as strong individuals is soul crushing.
Iām now taking care of my partnerās grandmother. While Iām not alone, this third time around of being a caretaker of a family member not directly my own confirms what I already knew: death is easier to confront than the process of dying. Itās ugly, reeks, and it is extremely hard to grapple with if you arenāt at peace with your own life.
Nevermind whatever happens at the funeral. Family members show their true colors in moments like this.
Apr 5, 2025
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Iām sick of feeling powerless so my new coping strategy is to not let a stupid system bully me into quiet despair. Iām learning how to use my stateās General Assemblyās online bill tracker and Iām subscribing to email updates for the agendas and the public hearings of the legislative committees Iām most concerned about. Iām memorizing all my legislatorsā names and emailing and calling regularly.
Also: Check to see if your stateās Legislative Library has Libguides that explain in laymanās terms what bills are passing in your state and other educational/legislative resources you have freely available to you!!!
Nov 20, 2024
Apr 16, 2025
š§¾
Iām up in my bank account every week writing every transaction out in a spreadsheet and Iāve never been better with money in my whole life. Also helped me notice asap when a whole mess of fraudulent transactions slipped in while I was occupied moving and otherwise wouldnāt have seen them for a while. Itās absolutely more effective than a Mint budget tracker because you have to confront EVERY purchase and contemplate what actually has value to you.
Jan 6, 2025